P-I-Z-Z-A-P-AR-T-Y
If you got a blunt then we can get high
If you wanna come then pick up the phone
Don't get caught with a wack calzone
NOT SURE WHAT ACTION ACTUALLY IS
PLAY ANNOYING SONG ABOUT PIZZA? UH
[5] YOU USE YOUR SMARTPHONE TO ACTIVATE THE HOUSE'S SONOS
tm SYSTEM
SPEAKERS ALL THROUGH HOUSE PLAYING ANNOYING SONG ABOUT PIZZA AT DECENT VOLUME
Challenge the demon to a game in exchange for my soul. And power too, if possible.
[6] YOU CHALLENGE DEMON TO GAME OF GO FISH IN EXCHANGE FOR SOUL
BECAUSE THAT WENT SO WELL LAST TIME
""I'M PRETTY BUSY, YOU KNOW. IT'D BE A BREACH OF MY CONTRACT TO REFUSE SUCH A GAMBLE, BUT IF YOU LOSE I'LL TAKE, SAY... THE IMMORTAL SOULS OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AS WELL. Y'KNOW, AS COMPENSATION FOR MY TIME YOU'RE WASTING."DEVOUR PARTYGOERS UNTIL MY SKIN HEALS
[6] YOU CHARGE THROUGH THE HOUSE AND POUNCE UPON THE FIRST VAGUELY-HUMANOID SHAPE YOU SEE!
YOU GRAB HOLD! YOU SINK YOUR TEETH INTO THEIR SHOULDER! YOU TEAR A CHUNK FREE! IT TASTES...
LIKE CHEESE?THAT IS RATHER STRANGE. IN FACT, YOU KEEP CHEWING AND REALISE THAT, YES, YOUR VICTIM IS SEEMINGLY MADE OF PIZZA.
IN FACT THEY SEEM TO BE A GIGANTIC, SEMI-HUMANOID SLICE OF PIZZA. THIS IS WORRYING.
OH WELL YOU GET A COUPLE OF DECENT BITES. YUM, PIZZA
2 Pizza Points Gained!Pay the demon the rest of the bill.
HE ALREADY TOOK THE OTHER WEABOO'S SOUL, REMEMBER? HE OWES YOU CHANGE!!
"UH, HERE YOU GO," HE SAYS, RUMMAGING ABOUT IN THE UNHOLY BACK POCKET OF HIS BLACK DENIM JEANS,
"HALF A SOUL IN CHANGE. AND HERE'S YOUR COKE."HE HANDS YOU AN UNUSUAL, STRANGELY HEAVY COIN MADE OF SOME KIND OF BLACKENED METAL.
IT IS COLD TO THE TOUCH, AND HAS A REALISTIC IMAGE OF HALF A SCREAMING, AGONIZED FACE SEEMINGLY CARVED INTO IT.
...SCORE!
Item Gained: One Half-Soul Coin!
Item Gained: 1.25L Bottle of Coca-Cola!
Item Gained: Pizza (In Box)!get the jeaus pizza to defend myself agenst the agents of the night also shoot anyone that trys to attack me
[3] YOU GET THE HALF-EATEN JESUS PIZZA, BUT IT BEGINS GENTLY REPRIMANDING YOU FOR YOUR VARIOUS SINS
YOU FEEL A STRANGE URGE TO GO TO CONFESSION
PRETTY SURE THAT FATHER JONATHAN'S PIZZA PLACE HAS SOME SPECIAL BOOTHS WHERE YOU CAN EAT YOUR MEALS AND CONFESS AT THE SAME TIME...
Item Gained: Sinner's Guilt!QUICKLY REMEMBER THAT I HAVE SURVIED LASGUN SHOTS TO THE HEAD
[3-1] YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING, BUDDY
YOU SLIP INTO COMA
Use my newly-gained pizza-sense to detect if any neighbour has pizza in their house at the moment, or if there's a pizzeria nearby. If yes, follow the hunger and devour any pizza found.
[4] THERE'S NOT MUCH PIZZA NEARBY THAT YOU CAN SENSE APART FROM THE STUFF IN THE HOUSE...
WAIT, YOU CATCH A WHIFF FROM A FEW BLOCKS AWAY! IT MUST BE A RATHER LARGE DEPOSIT OF PIZZA!
YOU LURCH INTO A SHAMBLING RUN IN THAT DIRECTION, THE SOLES OF YOUR PIZZA-FEET SLAPPING WETLY AGAINST THE FOOTPATH
EVENTUALLY YOU REACH THE SOURCE OF THE SMELL, A TOWERING, CHURCH-LIKE BUILDING WITH NEON SIGN SAYING 'FATHER JOHNATHAN'S MONASTIC PIZZA RESTAURANT: PIZZA SO GOOD EVEN A SAINT WOULD GLUTTONISE ON IT!'
YOU GO INSIDE. THERE IS SOME STRANGE NAKED HUMAN IN FRONT OF THE COUNTER, SHOUTING SOMETHING IN AN AGITATED VOICE
YOU HAVE NO TIME FOR THESE PITIFUL, WEAK HUMANS.
YOU SAVOUR THE SMELL OF PIZZA IN THE DOORWAY FOR A MOMENT, THEN STEP FORWARD AND SMASH THE MAN ASIDE WITH A SWEEP OF YOUR DEEP-PAN-CLAWS. YOU THEN VAULT THE COUNTER AND SLASH THE CASHIER AS WELL, HE FALLS TO ONE SIDE WITH HIDEOUS GURGLE
YOU CAN SEE HOT-BOX FULL OF PEOPLE'S PIZZAS FROM HERE
IT IS ALMOST TOO EASY...
Turns Until Starvation: 2!Well, this evening is starting to go nowhere.
Smoke weed
[2] YOU HAVE SOME WEED, BUT NOTHING TO SMOKE IT IN! WHAT NOW?
INTIMIDATE THE PIZZA GUY INTO GIVING ME ALL OF THE PIZZA!
[1]YOU CHARGE UP TO THE FRONT COUNTER, BITS A-FLAPPIN' IN THE WIND, AND DEMAND PIZZA FROM A SHOCKED, NERDY-LOOKING CASHIER IN A BROWN HABIT. HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING, JUST STARING... JEEZ, THE POOR GUY IS TERRIFIED
IS YOUR JUNK REALLY THAT SCARY?
TOO LATE, YOU REALISE THAT HE'S NOT STARING AT YOU, BUT SOMETHING
BEHIND YOU
HUGE, CHEESY CLAWS OF PIZZA CRUST TEAR THROUGH YOUR BODY AT THE MIDSECTION
YOU FALL ONE WAY, CATCHING A GLIMPSE OF YOUR NUDE LOWER BODY TOPPING OVER IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION
PIZZA MONSTER STORMS PAST YOU TO VAULT THE COUNTER
YOU BLEEDING RATHER A LOT. VARIOUS ORGANS HANGING OUT OF YOUR CHEST CAVITY TO SPILL ACROSS FATHER JONATHAN'S PRISTINE BLACK-AND-WHITE TILES. OH HEY, THE TILES EVEN HAVE LITTLE CRUCIFIX DESIGNS ON THEM.
GOTTA LOVE ATTENTION TO DETAIL.
YOU PROBABLY GONNA DIE SOON.
Item Lost: Lower Body!
Injury Gained: Bisected!
State Entered: Bleeding Rather A Lot! REGENERATE 0.5 FOOT WITH !!MAGIC!!
[1]YOU SACRIFICE YOUR OTHER FOOT TO REGENERATE THE MISSING HALF OF YOUR INJURED FOOT
NOW YOU HAVE A TOTAL OF 0.5 FEET
Item Lost: Foot!Confirm that he is, in fact, in the wrong place.
Send him away! Away!
[3] DEMON STARES BLANKLY AT YOU FOR A MOMENT AFTER HE HANDS OVER THE PIZZA
"...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS ON?"WEREPIZZA MODE ACTIVATE!
OH JEEZ I'M SORRY I SEEM TO HAVE MISSED YOU LAST TURN! HERE HAVE A '+1'.
[4+1] APPARENTLY IT'S A FULL MOON OR SOMETHING, 'CAUSE YOU JUST CHANGED FROM A SINGLE SLICE OF PIZZA WITH ARMS TO A HULKING, CHEESE-OOZING MASS OF MUSCLE, SPIKES OF CRUST AND ANGER. WHOAH. YOU TIP BACK YOUR HEAD AND LET OUT AN AWFUL, MUFFLED, WET-SOUNDING HOWL THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE A VAT OF MELTED CHEESE BUBBLING ON THE BOIL THAN ANY SOUND MADE MY A LIVING CREATURE.
...SUDDENLY A STRANGE, CITRUS-SCENTED MAN WITH TATTERED SKIN AND EYES FULL OF MADNESS JUMPS ONTO YOU FROM BEHIND AND BEGINS BITING YOU, TEARING OUT CHUNKS OF YOUR DELICIOUS PIZZA-FLESH WITH HIS TEETH
OUCH
State Gained: Were-Pizza!
Item Lost: Chunk of Flesh x2!collect more feces and threaten people saying if you don't give me pizza I'll shove this up your nose
[3]YOUR BOWELS ARE EMPTY.
YOU CHECK THE TOILET, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WHOEVER USED IT LAST WAS ENOUGH OF A DECENT HUMAN BEING TO FLUSH.
YOU BEGIN SCRAPING THE SKIDMARKS OFF THE BOWL WITH YOUR FINGERNAILS.
Item Gained: Approx. 1 Gram of Poop Scrapings!Stay unconscious.
[5] YEP, YOU DO THAT.
YOU HAVE A PLEASANT DREAM ABOUT TUCKING INTO A LARGE-SIZE, DEEP PAN PIZZA WITH CHEESE-FILLED CRUST. MMMMM.
THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN REALITY
State Maintained: Unconscious! TELL ACHMED TO HEAD TO LOCAL HELIPORT, WE HAVE DARING SHUBUERRUUBBERY TO CAUSE
[4] ACHMED HAPPILY AGREES, EVEN IF HE'S NOT QUITE SURE WHAT A "SHUBUERRUUBBERY" IS.
HE SAYS HE'LL MEET YOU THERE. YOU SET OFF ON FOOT, LEAVING THE CHAOS TAKING PLACE AROUND THE HOUSE BEHIND YOU. GONNA TAKE ABOUT FOURTY MINUTES OR SO TO GET THERE FROM HERE.
MAYBE YOU COULD HITCH A RIDE?
Author
Topic: ROLL TO PIZZA (Read 20149 times)