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[Wilfred of Ivanhoe]

Sorry for the late response, had a big turkey day. 

"This is Nathan Brodsky reporting live on the scene. As you can see behind me, there is a gun battle between the police and some unknown men. There are so many corpses that are laying here in the street and so much blood all over the place, it's like a war zone. From local sources, this apparently started as a group of rebellious rappers performing in the middle of the street. It soon escalated as these unknown men in trenchcoats joined the crowd and began shooting. What's that? Good Lord, it looks like a third party, some kind of gang, is taking part in the slaughter as well. What? Oh shit, take cover! Auugh! Aagh! Damnit, I'm hit! Oh man, I'm bleeding! Phil, quick, call an ambulance! Phil? Phil?! PHIL?!?!"
     --Channel 6 News

GTFO of the shop and try to be not seen doing so.

[3] You manage to run away down the street past some dude in knightly armor and his buddies, but the cops get out of the squad car and begin to run after you. They yell "Stop, fiend!" as they brandish their billy clubs.

Insult the attackers in any way I can, dump Jinx, I don't like him anyway, but he never seems to die. Unfortunately.

[1] On your way out, you give everybody the middle finger. One of the gunmen shoots at you and a bullet catches your ear, making a hole in it. A couple of the gunmen/haters stomp on Jinx's head and neck, killing him in a rather painful manner. Two police squad cars roll up to the scene and the cops start firing upon the ravenous crowd, killing many and grievously wounding the unconscious Johnny as Jake struggles to hold him up. Another group of different bad dudes dressed in wife beaters, gold chains, and green bandannas start shooting at everyone with their automatic firearms.
Jinx has been killed.

Locate a place to sell our solid gold grill, don the knight armor and equip machete.

[4] Upon donning the armor and brandishing the machete, find another pawn shop down the street. Unfortunately, it is a few blocks past what appears to be a firefight. A young man runs past you and your crew and is promptly followed by a couple of cops.

Real Name: Doris Wilson
Stage Name: Doris the Donut Queen
Group Name and Members(optional, up to 6): N/A
Hometown: Portland
Background: Doris was born to two aspiring politicians, and while they were constantly feuding about their differing ideologies, Doris found solace in the two things she loved most: donuts, and hip-hop. She started creating food-based rap songs when she was 16, and by the time of her 26th birthday, she left home after trying to pursue a career as a chef, and to (hopefully) become a rap star.

Despite what you hear on the bus radio about a "local disturbance", you have high hopes of finally making it here in San Francisco. Due to the congested traffic, you decide to step out of the bus before you reach the stop. You take stock of your funds, realizing that you have [2] $200 to start with and a heart that burns with a passion to rap. Or maybe it was a passion to eat donuts? Perhaps both?

[SaberToothTiger]

Aw hell nah, I ain't taking this! Rap the shit out of those assholes! Beat them up with my microphone!

[werty892]

Skirt the firefight, if anyone tries to fuck with us, wave the machete at em a little.

[Spinal_Taper]

Real Name: Giorgio Tymundus

Stage Name: The Profit

Hometown: New New Compton

Background: Giorgio comes from a hella heavy future in which hip hop has died. Lost and forgotten, it lay only as a sidenote in history books. Giorgio as a young man discovered the lost art when he was cornered by a pack of street rats. Thin and weak, he could do nothing but cower, until he was saved, by someone using not their fists, but their voice. Master Jamma, the last rapper in the tristate area had burned the young hooligans so hard that they had burned to ashes. Giorgio trained under Jamma, until he had to learn from experience, not a master. In order to do so, he went back in time, to when he could not only teach himself, but save hip hop as a whole.

He really was disappointed upon discovering rapping wasn't magic in the past

[wipeout1024]

Start rapping, and trying to convince other people to join me.
Lyrics:
I love donuts,
They' re so round,
I'd buy them by the pound!

[Tomasque]

 Real Name: Jenkins Marterson

 Stage Name: Ghetto Geek

 Group Name and members: Nerd Herd: Lenndon Tyme (Ac3rarak), Jason Kimlly (m4riomari0)

 Hometown: Marina CA

[Wilfred of Ivanhoe]

Please forgive my lateness, it's been a rough time as of late.

Aw hell nah, I ain't taking this! Rap the shit out of those assholes! Beat them up with my microphone!

[5] Your crew manages to escape the riots with your hip hop equipment. You lay on some dope rhymes on your way out and hit one of the suspicious dudes in the head with your mic, knocking him unconscious. It would later be found out that he had entered a coma that day and never recovered. You've got a "kill" under your belt, two group members dead, and a bleeding ear. The street cred is just rolling in, homie. A bright shining light and a blast of electricity happens just yards in front of you, blowing limbs and corpse chunks everywhere. A large chrome cylinder stands where the light came from. You're not sure if your mind is playing tricks on you, but you think you see a knight out of the corner of your eye.

Skirt the firefight, if anyone tries to fuck with us, wave the machete at em a little.

[1] You approach the mob with your loot and begin to make your way through. Mac gets surrounded by some cops who mistake him for a krumper and beat him until he is bloody and unconscious. Your armor does almost nothing to protect you as a stray bullet hits you in your non-machete-holding arm (that is, you are still holding your machete). Randall manages to get both of his knees shot out and desperately crawls after you all, trying to keep up. Murray is able to get the loot off of Mac after he got surrounded, but he is losing hope quickly. Suddenly, a blinding light shines from somewhere within the crowd, followed by a wave of energy that causes some people to explode. All the confusion, mayhem and death are unable to draw your attention as some guy who was in the crowd runs directly at you with what looks like rabies.

Real Name: Giorgio Tymundus

Stage Name: The Profit

Hometown: New New Compton

Background: Giorgio comes from a hella heavy future in which hip hop has died. Lost and forgotten, it lay only as a sidenote in history books. Giorgio as a young man discovered the lost art when he was cornered by a pack of street rats. Thin and weak, he could do nothing but cower, until he was saved, by someone using not their fists, but their voice. Master Jamma, the last rapper in the tristate area had burned the young hooligans so hard that they had burned to ashes. Giorgio trained under Jamma, until he had to learn from experience, not a master. In order to do so, he went back in time, to when he could not only teach himself, but save hip hop as a whole.

He really was disappointed upon discovering rapping wasn't magic in the past

[3] Your time machine is a success and you manage to return to a time that the history books refer to as the "Twilight Age of the Rap Game." You step out to glory in your accomplishment when a hail of bullets hits your time machine and it catches fire. You jump out and it explodes and releases EMP-like waves that shatter the bodies and skulls of "bystanders." You orient yourself and it appears as though you have landed in the middle of "The Great Gangbang of 1st and 5th Street," as the books say.

Start rapping, and trying to convince other people to join me.
Lyrics:
I love donuts,
They' re so round,
I'd buy them by the pound!

[5] You immediately start rapping on the corner where the bus dropped you off. A couple of business men waiting at the stop start throwing change and dancing. They feel ya. A large group of muscle-bound gentlemen in green shirts approach you. One of them speaks. "Yo, gurl, them rhymes is super tight, and so is yo bod. Me and my crew are hella turnt from them dope rhymes, na'meen? It would be mad ill if we could join yo posse, G." As he speaks, trap music air horns go off from somewhere.

Real Name: Jenkins Marterson

Stage Name: Ghetto Geek

Group Name and members: Nerd Herd: Lenndon Tyme (Ac3rarak), Jason Kimlly (m4riomari0)

Hometown: Marina CA

You and the "Nerd Herd" get off of the bus and arrive in the Bay Area with [6] $600 in total funds and few gold teeth that are bound to be worth something! You're ready to claim the mantle of "Greatest Rap Group of All Time and also the Coolest Dudes/Dudettes that Ever Lived." It was a reeeeaaaally long plaque.

[Tomasque]

Start rapping. Right there. On the street corner.

 Mario:
 In a ol' western town, I swear every word is true.
As tumbleweed  rolled across the ground - videogames free-for-alled both the old and he new.

 Acer: Suddenly strolled in Donkey Kong,
He threw a barrel at 8-bit Pong.
But the barrel bounced back,
And slammed into Acerarak!
The angry demilich turned around,
And sucked out DK's soul without a sound.
He fell down like a giant doll,
But then was crushed by something tall.

 All: IT WAS SKELETON BOWSER, BACK FROM THE DEAD!
TURNED AROUND, RIPPED OFF ZELDA'S HEAD!
KILLED THE ANIMATOR'S ANIMATION,
BUT WAS SUCKED UP BY THE ORB OF ANNIHILATION!!!

[Elephant Parade]

You should put a Gizoogle'd version of the turn in a spoiler or something.

[Tomasque]

((Gizoogled?))

[Elephant Parade]

((Gizoogled?))

It translates webpages into... well, you'll see. It contains some crude language, but it's pretty funny.

[wipeout1024]

Consider their offer, and then challenge them to a rap-off

[wipeout1024]

Well, I gizoogled page 3 of this:http://www.gizoogle.net/tranzizzle.php?search=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bay12forums.com%2Fsmf%2Findex.php%3Ftopic%3D145714.30&se=Go+Git+Dis+Shiznit
Page 1:http://www.gizoogle.net/index.php?search=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bay12forums.com%2Fsmf%2Findex.php%3Ftopic%3D145714.0&se=Gizoogle+Dis+Shiznit
Page 2:http://www.gizoogle.net/index.php?search=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bay12forums.com%2Fsmf%2Findex.php%3Ftopic%3D145714.20&se=Gizoogle+Dis+Shiznit

[SaberToothTiger]

Rap at dem copperz and bustaz!

Now this iz a ting you shoulda remembah
coz if ya won' I'll kick ya back to Novembah
I'm da baus of dis small quiet town
and now you'll see your ass turn brown, busta!

[Spinal_Taper]

Clear throat. Garner attention.

This was it. This was the time. Review time period. Check. Review slang. Check. Review audience. Check.
"Alright alright. Now, I know y'all beefin. But listen up. I got something to tell all of you.

I come from a future where rap is dead,
but I come here to drop sick beats on ya head.

Now, you got a lotta homies being false ass saviors,
but they be blind, lookin' Charles Xaviers.
All you gotta do is look over to me,
give you the one two from the year 3003.
Prove to you how to save the hip hop game,
show to you that they beats is tame,
my rhymes so good, call it instant fame.

Instant fame, lyrics insane, cash flow gain, fireworks come out ya brain, homie.
And I got this money, enough dolla here, take yo honey, it's sort of funny.
How inferior you are, you a horse drawn buggy while I'm a sports car.

Man, you rap like a neandrethal, I rap like I'm the damn king of it all,
standin' tall, spitting acid, call it lyrical gall, makin you look so small,
white girls gatchu in they purse at the mall. You may be king of the hill,
but all kings fall.