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[flabort]

((Working on the turn, discovering interesting plot twists))

[flabort]

(The Froggy Ninja) -===> The HUNT is on!
You TROMPS through the OUTBACK fending off GIANT SCORPIONS until you come upon your PET. It is a PURE WHITE coloration, glowing with GREEN ENERGY, so it's easy enough to SPOT. Which is what you call it. SPOT, that is.
You untangle his BULL'S HORNS from it's KILL, and get it back on it's MAN'S FEET. Having a MINOTAUR for a PET can be a HASSLE when it falls on it's FACE after CHARGING. You think it could do that GLOWY GREEN THING it does every so often to GET UP, but it REMAINS on it's FACE if it tries that.

(Dermonster) -===> CAPTCHALOGUE the stack of HORROR NOVELS for SAFE KEEPING!
You do so, putting your HORROR NOVELS into your SYLADEX. You use the RIVER FETCH MODUS right now, in that your CAPTCHALOGUED ITEMS flow past and you have to FISH the ITEMS you want out of the STREAM of CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS.
Annoyingly, the RIVER gets LONGER as you add more CARDS and it takes longer for the ITEM that you WANT to flow past. You keep your SYLADEX small for that reason.

-===> Head out the DOOR, to the GROUND FLOOR.
You decide to get out of this MESS OF STREAMERS and head out of your ROOM. Oh, there's the PICTURES OF ANCESTORY, each ANCESTOR'S MOON glaring down at you. Yuk! You're glad they're not YOUR ancestors, just those of your LEGAL GUARDIAN.
And there's the STATUE of your LEGAL GUARDIAN'S LATE PET. Yeah, don't know why anyone would BRONZE their PET GOLDFISH.
You head down the STAIRS, and find your LEGAL GUARDIAN there, who pops you with more STREAMERS. What is up with these STREAMERS?
There's a TRAY OF GLUTEN-FREE CARROT COOKIES waiting at the GROUND FLOOR, too.

(Arcvasti) -===> Inwardly LOOK DOWN upon FATHER'S INCOMPETENCY with TECHNOLOGY.
Shame. He LOST so EASILY. It's like he didn't UNDERSTAND at all. Tch.

-===> Discretely retrieve FLUFFY STUFFED CAT from DRAWER under BED.
Aw, it's FLUFFLES. FLUFFLES may be your oldest STUFFED ANIMAL, but he's your DEAREST. But you put him back AWAY before your FATHER NOTICES. He's asking for a REMATCH right now, sitting RIGHT THERE.

-===> Check status of NEW GAME that should be ARRIVING shortly.
You DECLINE FOR NOW, and look up the MAIL TRACKER on your COMPUWATCH. The LETTER that should be carrying your BETA KEYS for the game is...
DELAYED again. The DELIVERY TRUCK has a FLAT TIRE according to the MAIL TRACKER. You shrug and ask your FATHER about that REMATCH he was OFFERING.

(Tiruin) -===> Find HELP MANUAL. I need to know how these FANCY DEVICES work!
You look around within your TABLET for a GUIDE on using PESTERCHUM. When that fails, you open your WEB BROWSER, Aphrodite, and look online for a HELP MANUAL. You eventually find the PESTERCHUM GUIDE FOR CONFUSED FATHERS. It seems to be ASSUMED by every other REVIEWER and HELP GURU that CHILDREN are NATURALS to PERSTERCHUM.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Pesterchum is something used by our young ones these days to communicate, rather than using plain speech as was once the common norm. It seems that in order to communicate on the program, one first signs up and creates their "chumhandle", which is akin to an alias. The "chumhandle" is composed of two parts, and the first letter of each part taken together from the user's tag, that automatically precedes each line of text the user types. The "chumhandle" also seems to start with a lowercase...

((The guide continues like this for some time, if you need actual help with it, follow these directions:
Conversations, or "pesterlogs", each start with this line:
"--<chumhandle> began pestering <chumhandle> at <time> <date>--"
Your sentences each start with two letters followed by a colon, then you just type your sentence(s). You can put [ color=chocolate ] tags around your sentence since that's your chosen color.
In order to have a conversation, quote the previous part of the conversation, remove the quote tags, and add your next sentence.
When you're done a pesterlog (when you're done is up to you and the person you're conversing with), you can put
"--<chumhandle> ceased pestering <chumhandle>--" at the end.))

-===> What did my SIS get?
*Achoo!*
Smells like something you're ALLERGIC to. She probably ORDERED a BAG OF DECORATIVE FUR. This PLASTIC ALLERGY is frustrating, but you DEAL.
Your SIS is quite the PRANKSTER, actually, though she'll probably get rid of the BAG *Achoo!* before you sneeze a fourth time. She's NICE that way.

(Elephant Parade) -===> Close PESTERCHUM. Attempt to fix VIRUS.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll get to that. Although you'd better RIGHT AWAY, so you close PESTERCHUM and open your ANTIVIRUS.
It tracks down and zaps the VIRUS immediately. Two CLICKS, that's all it took, but it feels like a WORKOUT. You lean back and LOUNGE in your BEANBAG CHAIR.
*Beep*
A NOTIFICATION comes up about your requests to BAN a certain USER. You have received over SIXTY FOUR requests to BAN this USER now. You guess you should DO THAT soon too.

(Jack A T) -===> Ignore the SPAM, CAPTCHALOGUE the TOQUE, and READ the SWURB REVIEW.
You put the TOQUE into your WEATHER SYLADEX. The TOQUE gets ALLOCATED under the STORM CLOUD, for whatever REASON. You think it should have gone under the SNOWFLAKE, because why would you ever need it during a STORM, but the SYLADEX just works it's mysterious ways. Only letting you remove items during the corresponding WEATHER. What an annoying FETCH MODUS.
You could always, of course, set the SYLADEX to MODIFY instead of RESPOND, but you're not sure creating LOCALIZED WEATHER EFFECTS whenever you need something is RESPONSIBLE.
The REVIEW is as follows:

The SWURB BETA key arrived today! We're so excited, that we HACKED the CANADIAN NEWS SITE and posted an article about WILD FIRES!
JOSH noticed that the KEYS match his CODE to get into his APARTMENT. How COOL is that? We PROGRAMMED UP an amazing RECIPE FINDER to celebrate that DISCOVERY, CLICK HERE to download it!
So yeah, that's about it. You should try it, 10/10.

[Elephant Parade]

Skim requests.

[Dermonster]

Pick off a streamer that's lodged in my hair and sigh. Celiac disease is truly a harsh mistress, my only consolation that I cannot have inherited it genetically. Gods do I miss bread. And pizza. And actual CAKE. I had had hopes she would let it pass this one time.

Have you had Gluten free pizza?

Don't.

Maybe... maybe it isn't so bad? There is still frosting, at least...

Give weak smile. Sample VOIDWHEAT COOKIE-BLUH

[flabort]

((Yeah, my dad had this gluten free kick a while back, I modeled the LEGAL GUARDIAN off that experience. Only the doctors couldn't test to see if the gluten free diet was helping him as long as he was on the diet. So he went off, they did the test, and he's not Celiac.
Yeah, I've had GFP. Worst pizza ever. At least, crust-wise. It doesn't alter the toppings, thank goodness))

[Jack A T]

How local are the localized weather effects?

Look through the nearest window.

[NAV]

Search the crate thoroughly to make sure I don't miss anything.

[The Froggy Ninja]

Retrieve my cookiminator from my syladex and cook up some meaty treats.

[Arcvasti]

Trounce FATHER again at OBSCURE GAMES

You really don't have the heart to tell him that he's holding the keyboard the wrong way around. But you suppose its nice having a parent who indulges you like that.

After trouncing, accept inevitable victory gracefully and then go to a room which overlooks the MAILBOX more suitably.

[flabort]

(Elephant Parade) -===> Skim REQUESTS
You look, and there are large numbers of BAN REQUESTS. All of them are BAN REQUESTS. Can nobody ever REQUEST that you EDIT OUT a FLAME WAR? Block INNAPROPRIATE CONTENT? Nope, just BAN REQUESTS. And lots of them, a lot for the same USERS.
PROPER PROCEDURE says that you should REVIEW each USER under REQUEST for BANNING, give them a WARNING and a TWO WEEK SUSPENSION, and BAN them if they come back and create MORE TROUBLE. But... you don't DO THAT.
Too much WORK. That's why you got the WARNING SYSTEM for if one USER racked up too many REQUESTS. 5 USERS over 16 requests for banning, two over 32, and now the one with over 64 REQUESTS. And one user who has ISSUED over 128 REQUESTS.

(Dermonster) -===> Give WEAK SMILE. Sample VOIDWHEAT COOKIE-BLUH.
The COOKIE is BITTER, the CARROT-SHAPED FROSTING is WAXY, and BOTH are GRAINY and LUMPY. You SMILE at your LEGAL GUARDIAN, who CROSSES HER ARMS and prompts you to FINISH the COOKIE.
She doesn't BELIEVE that you LIKE it. Ugh. And it TASTES like it was made with INGREDIENTS that she GREW HERSELF.
The SOUND of a TIMER going off in the GARDEN causes her to LEAVE, though.

(Jack A T) -===> LOOK through the nearest WINDOW.
You wouldn't be holding COURT if it weren't a SUNNY DAY. Your JUDGE'S STAND always seems to ALLOCATE itself under the SUN. You LOOK out your WINDOW anyways.
The CRISP MOUNTAIN AIR feels NICE. You can see out on the HORIZON that the GREAT PLAINS are calm as ever, except for those OIL DEREKS. You see a MAIL MAN riding the GONDOLA that comes up to your HOUSE, too.
You don't see ANY SNOW out there, except on the NEIGHBORING MOUNTAIN, which goes even HIGHER than yours.

(NAV) -===> SEARCH the CRATE thoroughly to make sure I don't MISS ANYTHING.
There's some PACKING POPCORN, a set of SCREWDRIVERS, and INSTALATION INSTRUCTIONS. And some PACKING POPCORN. Looks like you didn't miss anything of importance, but there wasn't this much PACKING POPCORN when you took the COMPUTER out!
You SEAL the PACKING POPCORN back in the CRATE before it starts FILLING your HOUSE. You can actually SEE it MULTIPLYING, this stuff is DANGEROUS.

(The Froggy Ninja) -===> Retrieve my COOKIMINATOR from my SYLADEX and COOK UP some MEATY TREATS.
You WISH for your COOKIMINATOR, and it is deposited out of your SYLADEX. The BOTTLED GENIE FETCH MODUS can be handy by being able to take ANYTHING out, but you have to find a new CONTAINER for the GENIE to fit in after THREE WISHES or he won't FETCH your items.
Which is why after withdrawing your COOKIMINATOR, you take a BOTTLE out of your PILE OF BOTTLES card for your third WISH, and give it to the GENIE.
You SERVE some of your PET'S KILL to your PET raw, since it doesn't like CHARED MEAT, and GRILL some of the REST, and you obtain KANGAROO BITES. Tasty tasty KANGAROO BITES.

-===> Trounce FATHER again at OBSCURE GAMES

You really don't have the heart to tell him that he's holding the keyboard the wrong way around. But you suppose its nice having a parent who indulges you like that.

((Too good not to just quote directly))
-===> After TROUNCING, accept INEVITABLE VICTORY gracefully and then go to a ROOM which overlooks the MAILBOX more SUITABLY.
You accept the PRAISE and concede that it was a GOOD GAME. That done, you go to the KITCHEN, where you keep your GLAIVES, and look out the WINDOW there. You ADMIRE your FATHER'S LAWN GNOMES that he has on the LAWN, and breifly consider ADDOPTING the LITTLE ONE with CAT EARS.

[The Froggy Ninja]

Ride Jeff off to adventure!

[Elephant Parade]

Skim requests of the 128-request user. Banning the user for creating too many false reports is definitely worth consideration, but it would probably be best to make sure that they're not just really good at finding rule violations.

[Arcvasti]

Allocate GLAIVE in such a manner that it can be used for violence, then go out into the Lair of the Lawn Gnomes to rescue the cat-eared one.

You can never be too careful. Last time you ventured out here unarmed, you got bitten by an INSECT. Now? Now you are PREPARED.

[Dermonster]

Well, that was a BUST.

Still, the thought is nice, even if the execution is horrible.

Now, there must be a WRAPPED GIFT around here somewhere. No proper birthday is, well, PROPER without one! Maybe it'll even help with your SINISTER PLAN, though I doubt that slightly. Comb through the house, all sneaky like. No telling when she will return.

[Jack A T]

I'm on a mountain, I can look over the Prairies/Great Plains from here, and I see oil derricks.  I appear to be in Alberta.  Oh dear.

Estimate the time the mail man will take to get to my house, and check who is available to chat with.