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[penguinofhonor]

.

[scrdest]

From an album booklet: "Mastered at Abbey Road Studios by [mastering engineer] with [frontman] present (drinking coffee).

[Tawa]

DOOM: Mad Libs of Evil

Spoiler: Dwarf Fortress: Repercussions of !!FUN!! (click to show/hide)

Urist McMiner waited. The torches above him went out and flickered out of the air. There were kittens in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel McCheeseMaker were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.

Urist was a space miner for 78 years. When he was young he watched the wagons and he said to dad "I want to be on the wagons daddy."

Dad said "NO! You will BE SHATTER THE SKULL, TEAR THE BRAIN BY KITTENS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the fortress base of the kingdom he knew there were kittens.

"This is McCheeseMaker" the ☼adamantine sock☼ crackered. "You must butcher the kittens!"
So Urist gotted his pickaxe and blew up the wall.

"HE GOING TO BUTCHER US" said the kittens

"I will shoot at him" said the cyberkitten and he fired the rocket kittens. Urist mined at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to shatter the skull, tear the brain.

"No! I must kill the kittens" he shouted

The radio said "No, Urist. You are the kittens"
And then Urist was adopted by a kitten.

Spoiler: Ace Attorney: Repercussions of Objections (click to show/hide)

Phoenix Wright waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were prosecutors in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Edgeworth were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.

Phoenix was a space lawyer for 4 years. When he was young he watched the lawyers' cars and he said to dad "I want to be on the lawyers' cars daddy."

Dad said "Objection! You will BE DISBAR BY PROSECUTORS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the courthouse base of the bar association he knew there were prosecutors.

"This is Edgeworth" the radio crackered. "You must cross-examine the prosecutors!"
So Phoenix gotted his pointer-finger and blew up Courtroom #4.

"HE GOING TO CROSS-EXAMINE US" said the prosecutors

"I will shoot at him" said the cyberattorney and he fired the rocket badges. Phoenix objected at him and tried to send him to jail. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to cross-examine.

"No! I must cross-examine the prosecutors" he shouted

The radio said "No, Phoenix. You are the prosecutors"
And then Phoenix was a hobo.

[Aseaheru]

Spoiler: S-com went wrong (click to show/hide)

Bob Gar waited. The lights above him Shot and Sang out of the air. There were Sectoid in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Owen were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.

Bob was a space Soldier for Fourhundred and seven years. When he was young he watched the CRV and he said to dad "I want to be on the CRV daddy."

Dad said "Shit!! You will BE shooting BY Sectoid"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got big he stopped. But now in the Space Station 13 base of the S-Com he knew there were Sectoid.

"This is Owen" the radio cried. "You must run the Sectoid!"
So Bob gotted his Spaceship rifle and blew up the rifle.

"HE GOING TO run US" said the Sectoid

"I will shoot at him" said the cyberpistol and he fired the rocket bullets. Bob died at him and tried to exploded him south. But then the car fell and they were trapped and not able to shooting.

"No! I must kill the Sectoid" he shouted

The radio said "No, Bob. You are the Sectoid"
And then Bob was a Cyberdisk.

[Bohandas]

The scene in The Naked Gun in which detective Drebin, after a complicated scene involving a damaged statue and reentering a building throuh an upper story window, is accused of several increasingly absurd counts of misconduct ending with "sexual assault with a concrete dildo"

[GiglameshDespair]

ClF₃.

More oxidising than oxygen.

”It is, of course, extremely toxic, but that's the least of the problem. It is hypergolic with every known fuel, and so rapidly hypergolic that no ignition delay has ever been measured. It is also hypergolic with such things as cloth, wood, and test engineers, not to mention asbestos, sand, and water-with which it reacts explosively. It can be kept in some of the ordinary structural metals-steel, copper, aluminium, etc.-because of the formation of a thin film of insoluble metal fluoride which protects the bulk of the metal, just as the invisible coat of oxide on aluminium keeps it from burning up in the atmosphere. If, however, this coat is melted or scrubbed off, and has no chance to reform, the operator is confronted with the problem of coping with a metal-fluorine fire. For dealing with this situation, I have always recommended a good pair of running shoes.”

[Aseaheru]

A conversation earlier today.

 Sibling: Hey [name], I want to borrow Sim City 4
 Me: What?
 Sibling: I want to borrow Sim City 4
 Me: I thought you said you want C4
 Sibling laughs.
 Me: First of all, why do you want C4? Second of all, what makes you think I have some?

[Tawa]

Ice Beam launches nuclear fusion warheads.

[bahihs]

DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work

I especially like these entries:

OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.
IGNIS FATUUS, n. Love.
VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
SATAN, n. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. Half-way in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a moment and at last went back. "There is one favor that I should like to ask," said he.
"Name it."
"Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws."
"What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul — you ask for the right to make his laws?"
"Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself."
It was so ordered.

[i2amroy]

ClF₃.
More oxidising than oxygen.

You should see O2F2, The stuff is so reactive that we don't even know how it reacts with a bunch of stuff, because you get these huge releases of energy. For example with basic hydrogen sulfide you get releases of energy in the range of 433+ kcal per mole! (That's about 3-4x more energy than TNT for you laypeople). Also these explosions? They happen in the -300 degrees Fahrenheit range. It's one of the handful of things out there that will make ice explode.

Here's a link to an article on it by the same in the pipeline guy.

[4maskwolf]

Cave Johnson on lemons

[KingofstarrySkies]

I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS!

[Graknorke]

Crossposting from WTF thread because shit why not.

Why does this exist. Who thought this was a good idea to make.

The deadpan voice just... wow. It wouldn't be so funny if he wasn't legitimately serious I guess.

I quote:

You might be able to tell Yandere-chan to read hentai manga in class.

Delivered as straight as describing how to operate a washing machine.

EDIT: Baka button is best button

[pisskop]

http://existentialcomics.com/comic/6

[GiglameshDespair]

French police have arrested a man suspected of planning an attack on "one or two churches", the country's interior minister has said.
The man, a 24-year-old Algerian national, was detained on Sunday in Paris after he apparently shot himself by accident and called an ambulance.

Thank god for the incompetence of the evil.