Unsong.
“The reason I bring all of this up,” said Ana in between mouthfuls, “is that here we are. We’re Unitarians and singers. We’ve got a Movement. We think we’re on the side of Good. We know what’s evil. Evil is when UNSONG and the theonomics try to control the Names of God and keep them from the people. We think we know what we have to do. We have to take up Reverend Stevens’ crusade and spread the Names to as many people as possible. On a political level this all makes sense. But on a theological level, even Reverend Stevens barely touched this. Why does God have these Names that work miracles, but not tell us what they are? Why does He suffer them to be distributed throughout a namespace that can only be searched through a combination of cryptological acumen and brute force? Why does He permit them to be hidden by klipot, by which they can be bought and sold without letting the customer grasp their true structure? Why would He create enough magic to make the world a paradise for all living things, then place it somewhere it can be kept in a locked vault to enrich the few? Why, as the Bible put it, does He hide His light under a bushel?”
“Seems clear enough to me,” said Bill Dodd. “God’s not a big guy in the sky. He’s just a force, like physical forces, but on a higher level. He doesn’t plan these things, any more than anyone plans gravity. It just happens.”
“So you’re denying the Bible?” Eli Foss said, somewhat less intimidating than intended due to a mouth full of pasta. “We’re sitting here at a table with an angel and a kabbalist, and you’re denying the Bible?”
“Look, we all know that the Bible was given by Uriel, not God. Most of it just records Uriel’s interventions in the world, which are usually well-intentioned but certainly not omniscient. Why not the Book of Job too? Job asks a hard question and gets yelled at. Sounds exactly like Uriel on a bad day. I can even imagine him going on about the Leviathan for like an hour, describing how interesting he finds each of its fins and teeth and things while Job gets more and more confused.”
A couple of people snorted.
“But Uriel,” said Eli Foss, “has always said he’s just trying to follow God’s plan, as he understands it.”
“The Pope says the same thing,” said Bill Dodd. “That doesn’t mean he’s met the guy.”
“Someone must have created the world!” protested Ally Hu. “And all the angels, and the Names, and the kabbalah!”
“I’m not saying there’s not a Creator force,” said Bill Dodd. “I’m just saying it shouldn’t be thought of as a person.”
“Thomas Aquinas,” said Zoe Farr, “tells us that God is not a person, not at all, not even close, but can sometimes be compared to one, since a person is the most intelligent entity we have to compare it to. It’s like how they used to say the brain was a telephone switchboard. It’s much more than that, but if all you have as a metaphor is a telephone switchboard, it’s better than nothing.”
“But if God can’t even figure out,” said Bill Dodd, “that if you want perfect good you should avoid having evil, well, whatever it is He is, it’s got to be kind of dumb.”
“Oh, oh,” said Pirindiel, and there was worry in his eyes. “You shouldn’t say that. That’s blasphemy.”
“Be nice, Bill,” said Ana, “there are angels here.”
“I feel like we’re forgetting something pretty important,” said Erica. “I hate to go all dualist here, but we know there’s a Hell. We know there’s a Devil. I’m not saying that God and the Devil are exactly equally powerful, but maybe it’s not quite so one-sided that God can just steamroll over Thamiel without a second thought? Maybe there’s some kind of strategic balance thing going on?”
Ana looked shocked. Pirindiel looked horrified. But it was Eli Foss who spoke first. “Erica,” he said. “God is one. That’s the whole point. You can’t just go around saying there are two separate beings with similar levels of godlike power. That’s like saying there are two gods. It’s serious, serious blasphemy.”
“Well,” said Erica, “maybe if God didn’t want people saying the Devil’s just as powerful as He is, He should stop making the world full of evil just as much as good. Maybe if He didn’t want us saying He’s too weak to save everyone who’s sick, or suffering, or in Hell, He should get off His cosmic ass and save them.”
When Ana spoke now, it was very serious. “Moreover the LORD answered Job, and said, Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproveth God, let him answer it. Wilt thou also disannul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?”
“Huh!” I exclaimed. Everyone looked at me.
“That verse from the Rubaiyat. The one Nixon used in the 70s. It goes, um…
O thou, who burns with tears for those who burn
In Hell, whose fires will find thee in thy turn
Hope not the Lord thy God to mercy teach
For who art thou to teach, or He to learn?
…that’s from Job. It’s got to be. Khayyam must have read Job.”
“Well,” said Zoe, “it’s certainly got the right amount of condescension.”
“What are we talking about?” asked Pirindiel.
“Hast thou an arm like God?” Ana recited. “Or canst thou thunder with a voice like Him?”
“Okay,” said Bill Dodd. “We get the idea.”
“Deck thyself now with majesty and excellency; and array thyself with glory and beauty!”
“Is somebody saying there are two gods?” asked Pirindiel. “Because God is one.”
“Cast abroad the rage of thy wrath: and behold every one that is proud, and abase him!”
“Okay,” said Ally Hu. “That’s enough.” She grabbed the Book of Job from Ana’s hands. Ana grabbed it back. A tug of war.
“Dessert’s ready!” said Erica.
“God is One and His Name is One,” insisted Pirindiel. “This is very important.”
“It’s devil’s food cake!” Erica said, bringing the plate to the table.
“No!” Pirindiel shouted at Erica and her cake, and in a flash he was on his feet, sword of fire materializing in his hands, rushing towards her.
Ally pulled the book away from Ana.
“This is not how we do theodicy in this house!” I shouted at Ally and Ana.
“HELP!” shouted Ana. “IMMIGRANTS ARE STEALING MY JOB!”
“WAIT!” said Bill Dodd. “I just got it! The house is called Ithaca because it’s where theodicy happens. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
“It’s just dessert!” Erica screamed at the oncoming Pirindiel.
“No!” Ana shouted. “That’s the whole point of Job! There are no just deserts!”
I reached into my pocket, pulled out my scroll wheel, and activated the Thunderclap Name. A deafening boom filled the room. Everybody went silent.
“Thanks, Aaron,” Erica said, defeated.
“Everyone sit down!” I said. “Pirindiel, sword away! No more theodicy! Time for dessert!”
Scott Alexander has described a solution to theodicy using the nursery rhyme "There's A Hole In My Bucket." I have no words for this awe. I can only laugh at the sheer impressiveness of it all, to express this pride-for-another.
Wait. Waaaaaait. Unsong is like Anglophysics! Except that instead of
, like the number four being everywhere you look, or MaSS, MoSeS, MeSopotamianS, et cetera.)
Oh, and by the way - today is May 10th, 2017. This is the day that Unsong starts. That is funny.
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Topic: Things that made you laugh today: some people notice when l change the title (Read 1764545 times)