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[Kadzar]

Somewhat relevant posts from the sad thread:

This reminded me that it's been a while since I've had a proper crush on anybody. There's one girl at work who seems like she might be interesting, but I don't even know, man.

Take her out on a date or two. Then you'll know. You might want to run away screaming but hey, if that happens you won't have wasted a crush on her.

I think I might be misunderstanding you, but what I'm saying is I'm not actually even crushing on her. I think I'm just mostly feeling lonely lately, and I think she might be nerdy in some way (I'm mostly just going by looks with this, since I've barely talked to her at all), so it might just be a case me just going, "eh, good enough."

Plus there's the fact that I've never actually asked anyone out before.

Since I've never really asked anyone out before I don't really know how to do it. Also, are there any special considerations for asking out someone at work? (I work in retail, if it matters.)

[LordSlowpoke]

please, for the love of everything holy, unholy or whatever it is you love, refrain from dating in the workplace.

i don't do romance much

but even i know this is a horrid idea

at least find yourself a new place to work in before asking that someone out

asking them out is as simple as asking "hey you want to go somewhere sometime" but it's going to be tough as fuck on you, mostly on the nervous part, consider boozing yourself up a tiny tiny bit before doing so but make sure to cover up the stench of booze somehow else your appearance's gonna be ruined, nothing worse than a drunk nerd asking you out yo

it'll also be nice for you to have some sort of plan, so come up with that beforehand. try going balls in and taking them to an amusement park. make sure to include a rollercoaster if you do.

[LordBucket]

Since I've never really asked anyone out before I don't really know how to do it. Also, are there any
special considerations for asking out someone at work?

So far as I can tell, formal "asking someone out" isn't really something that people do much anymore. More often, you meet people, get to know them, then after you already know they'll say yes you invite them to coffee/dinner/whatever.

Alternately, find some hobby and let it be known at the office that you enjoy it, and make a general policy of inviting and accepting anyone who's interested in participating. When everybody knows that you, that guy from acquisitions, the IT manager and one of the sales staff all do movie night every Saturday, that completely eliminates all the stress and drama when you invite Miss Sexy Future Girlfriend from accounting. Or go paint balling. Or go miniature golfing. Or do SCA heavy weapons combat. Whatever. Could be something as simple as going drinking together. Or maybe you don't even do the same thing, but it's known that you have a regular get together outside the office where you do fun things together.

That's the key. It's less stress for both you and Miss Sexy Future Girlfriend because it's not a date. But, after she's started going out with you every week (key words: going out with you) doing whatever innocent, fun, harmless low-stress low-drama thing that you all do together, then she's already used to the idea of (key words) going out with you.

Note that when you do this, I advise not getting too attached to any one particular specific Miss Sexy Future Girlfriend. Whatever you go do, make sure it's something that you'd enjoy doing anyway even if you never convince Miss Sexy to join you. That will eliminate a lot of the artificialness from your demeanor and you'll be more "the real you." Plus even if she never joins you, you get to have a good time anyway. And then end up meeting somebody else instead.

please, for the love of everything holy, unholy or whatever it is you love, refrain from dating in the workplace.

Why? For most people past their college years, work is the number one source for meeting people. Bar-hopping doesn't really work.

[LordSlowpoke]

please, for the love of everything holy, unholy or whatever it is you love, refrain from dating in the workplace.

Why? For most people past their college years, work is the number one source for meeting people. Bar-hopping doesn't really work.

...okay, you're trustworthy enough for me to consider changing my view here. wasn't not dating in the workplace a really big thing? a golden rule even? i mean - as i already stated i do don't romance much, but i've personally witnessed three such fuckups within the last couple years and at least one of the parties involved had to simply leave because the tensions were too high all around, and i try to keep on top of all the gossip flying around because it's sorta important in an office situation so if something was happening it probably wouldn't have escaped me.

[LordBucket]

wasn't not dating in the workplace a really big thing? a golden rule even?

Yes, it's completely standard advice. In fact, many companies even have it as part of official corporate policy and they'll fire you if they find out you're romantically involved with a coworker. Other companies only forbid relationships in cases where direct seniority is involved. Can't date your own receptionist, for example.

But then reality ensues. For an awful lot of people after college, work is where they meet people. Both friends and relationships. I'm pretty sure google will corroborate that. Let's check:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

http://www.yourtango.com/201066239/the-number-one-place-meet-your-future-husband

"A recent Match.com study of 11,000 revealed that work/school remains the number one place to meet a spouse.

http://voices.yahoo.com/top-5-ways-people-meet-their-spouses-significant-7031616.html?cat=41

"the most frequent way that people meet is via school, at 34%. Following is via work at 15%"

If we're talking about after school...work takes the #1 spot.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/one-third-u-s-marriages-start-online-dating-study-article-1.1362743

"Of those who did not meet online, nearly 22 percent met through work"

i've personally witnessed three such fuckups within the last couple years and at least one
of the parties involved had to simply leave because the tensions were too high all around

Sure. That happens. Fact of life. But for a lot of people, refusing to take that chance means cutting off a significant portion of their potential dating pool. It's much easier to make friends and romance partners out of an existing circle of people you have regular contact with than to go outside of that pool and try to turn complete strangers into girlfriends. Anyone who doesn't believe me, go bar hopping and let us know how you do.

You say you've personally witnessed three work-romance fuckups in the past few years. What did all of those relationships have in common? They were relationships. Clearly, office romance is possible. Maybe it doesn't always work, but compare it to your sample group of relationships in the same time period among the same group of people who didn't have office romances. How many were there?

If you've just landed your dream job making 400k/yr, sure...maybe asking the CEO's daughter who happens to work in your department out isn't a wise choice. Yes, these things can end badly. But personally I'd take the chance of defeat over being alone.

(Of course, dating the CEO's daughter can have some perks, too if it goes well.)

i've personally witnessed

From my own sample group, I personally know eight people who married somebody they worked with.

[QuakeIV]

Ill just memorize this, this is consistent with my experiences and handily pre-collated.

[Kadzar]

Yeah, but personally I don't like the idea of "let's go out and do something as 'just friends' as an excuse to hang out with you while I harbor a secret crush on you and hope it eventually develops into a relationship." I'd rather just be up front with her than spend a whole bunch of time on some convoluted charade. Plus I doubt it's really possible to just ease into a relationship with someone; you'll have to be honest with them eventually, so you might as well do it from the start.

[QuakeIV]

If it isn't fun to hang out with someone and you just want to bone them, then you may be doing it wrong.

e: I'm a little grumpy today excuse any meanness I may have failed to filter.

e2:  Actually I also have very limited experience so I wouldn't take me too seriously if I were you.

[Kadzar]

It's not like I just want to bang her or don't want hang out with her at all. I just want to let her know I'm interested in her, since I see no good reason to keep that information hidden. And then we can do the same sort of stuff we'd do as "just friends" without having hold our feelings in check because of that label.

[Yoink]

I agree- openly stating your intentions at the start of your interactions seems far nicer than wheedling your way into the position of "friend" before making a move, in my opinion. People seeing friendship as an easy stepping stone to romance is probably what causes that whole stupid "friendzone" phenomenon, where one party never really wanted to become friends with the other in the first place.

[insert 'I have no experience in this matter and no idea what I'm talking about' disclaimer here]

[jhxmt]

Personal experience: people in my office tend to have semi-regular lunches at one of the various restaurants/pubs/etc near the office (just friendly work-colleague lunches), usually prompted by one or more people stumbling across some sort of cheap lunch deal (we work in a pricey area of the city) on e.g. lastminute.com.  So when I decided to ask out one of the women at work, I simply suggested we (two) try out a decent deal on at a nearby restaurant, for dinner.  And, happily, she said yes.  And no, this wasn't me couching it in the same terms as a lunch - but it's not as sudden/formal/surprising as making a big song and dance over asking someone out.  If you get on well and you enjoy each others' company, why not simply continue to do that outside of work?

I'll caveat this with the fact that we get on really well in the office anyway, so it wasn't exactly a sudden thing, and we've hung out at various work-related lunches and drinks evenings before.  Your Mileage May Vary, etc.

[LordBucket]

[insert 'I have no experience in this matter and no idea what I'm talking about' disclaimer here]

I have personally dated coworkers.

I also once saw a naked woman run through a hallway because she was having sexy times with someone else and they mistakenly thought they were the only two in the office that day. Amusingly, neither of them were fired and they eventually got married.

So, happy ending there. Though I recommend you don't try that. Not all corporate environments are as forgiving as that particular one.

[BFEL]

Maybe try and make a song out of it?

"Hey I just met you
 And this is crazy
 But THE MAGGOTS SHALL FEAST ON YOUR TEAR STAINED FLESH WHILE YOUR ENTRAILS ARE DISPLAYED BEFORE THE WRETCHED KING OF THE ROTTEN WORLD.

.....So call me maybe"

[gimlet]

Heh that reminded me of one of my favorite old songs:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMrQcNWP4LU

I like noses full of snot
Dead things when they rot
Belchin' just for fun
and scum.

And I like you, too.

[BFEL]

Yeah that's from "Call me Maybe" by..er some chick. Just heard it by chance on the radio because both my normal stations were doing their "Sunday Magazine" or whatevers at the same time. Obviously I also changed the lyrics a bit
But if you listen to the song the juxtaposition between her cutesy voice and what one would assume the line I added would sound like is hilarious.