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NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOOOOOOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE OH GOD NOPE

!!LETS RUN THIS SHIT INTO THE GROUND!!

[CaptainArchmage]

I backed up the save so if something goes horribly and ridiculously wrong at this point, we can revert. When the fortress becomes developed enough (likely by the end of the year), we can finally call this “developed enough to fail properly”.

Journal of Captain Brony, 4th Felsite 101

-Designated some new rooms opposite current setup.

-Hit soil. We have enough space in stone for a resident trade minister in there though, but I have to figure out the depot access.

-I ordered the soilworks to be expanded so we can start farming. I will lay down some strong stone walls there just in case the undead can burrow, and to prevent collapses that would expose us to them.

-McJerb is wearing stockings and a cloak covered in the horrid filth. I’m not a doctor, but this guy is, and the dirty clothes might be one of the reasons why he is still dizzy and covered in blisters.

-I had our resident psychoanalyst, “Horse McShortwood" move the mason’s workshop out of the entrance hallway and into the residential hallway. He said that it is important for the psychology of future migrants to make our fortress seem productive. Migrants? Mason’s shops are good things to have in an anti-undead airlock? What witchcraft is this!

-I’m making a metric fuckton of mechanisms. While the fresh water is upstream and the horrid filth downstream, the entire stream is likely contaminated, so we need to power some pumps and a purification device. We also need more drawbridges to seal off parts of the fortress, particularly to allow future traders inside without exposing everyone to the undead.

[Lord_lemonpie]

If there are any ponies available, I'd like to get dorfed (ponyied?) as "Juan Lemonpie, Tortilla Baker" preferably a cook, but I don't really care.

[CaptainArchmage]

Since none of the pony requests are currently do-able with the current ponies (only miners and Professor Herb left to claim), I will wait for the next migrant wave to name them. Expect some crazy shit to go down.

Fortress Journel by Captain Brony, 16th Felsite, 101

The undead are right outside the fortress, in the forms of monsters twisted into equinoid form! Since we’re locked down, they can’t get to us, but once they leave we need to get our defences up ASAP. I’m thinking a few crossbow towers and maybe some ballista emplacements would fend them off, but we don’t really have the ponypower for that yet!



We finished the farm and I ordered “Professor Herb” to plant some brown caps in it. I hope those are edible, we have a lot of seeds to choose from. There is also pasture space down there, which is free from undead, but to support grazing animals we’ll need some moss to grow. I also had some permanent workshop space carved out in the stone, enough for a still, farmer’s workshop, a butcher’s shop, and a tanner’s shop. I want to expand this space over multiple floors, but need to work out where to place the staircase. During mining, we hit something called the “Blood of Yogg-Saron”. Can I huff it?



FAILBOW End of Spring Report by Captain Brony, 1st Hematite, 101

Apparently I have to write a seasonal report regarding the current situation.

Spoiler: Accurate summary of the fortress so far (click to show/hide)

AND THIS IS JUST THE STANDARD MY LITTLE PONY MOD

(Image not mine)

Let’s see:
-Settlement nearly overrun by undead.
-Dug out an emergency bunker.
-Got supplies inside.
-Got animals inside.
-Got attacked by undead.
-Sealed off the bunker from the outside world.
-McJerb is still dizzy and covered in blisters.
-Carved out personal rooms and office space, engraved half them, furnished with cabinets.
-NO FUCKING BEDS.
-SERIOUSLY. NO FUCKING BEDS.
-The bunker is now our settlement.
-Set up farm.
-Found strange material called “Blood of Yogg-Saron”.
-Carved more staircases.



After mining out the “Blood of Yogg-Saron”, I discovered some documents regarding an arcane method of refining it. This requires the “Blood of Yogg-Saron” and a “taint crystal battery”, producing a large number of materials. I recognise the word “electrum”, though this kind of electrum is probably altered from the kind I’m used to. These materials might be useful for making weapons or armour. We need to build a “Tainted Refinery” first, which requires “rainbow bars”. Whoa man, whoa. How the FUCK do you make rainbow bars?



This is what the bunker looks like right now. The inner drawbridge has been connected up to another lever in my office, and both levers have been labeled.

The undead scorpions-twisted-into-pony-form seem to be leaving to the west. I hope we can avoid more of these incidents and get outside.

[Senshuken]

Rainbow Bars? Simple. What we need to do is gather foals and fillies of all the different tribes (The ones that fail to live up to standards are good targets) and push them all into a giant machine...

Rainbow factory rip offs aside, I have no idea.

.............................................................................................

Date:16th Felsite, 101

Location: Have just entered the vast expanse called 'Middleofnowhere', located tweleve miles from 'Jackshit' and heading towards 'Fuckall'.

Journal of Mr Soahk.

Dear Reader,

If you are reading this YOU ARE A DAMN DIRTY SNEAK AND A THIEF WHO SHOULD BE TAKEN OUT AND BEATEN INTO A BLOODY PASTE! A CURSE BE UPON YOU AND THE REST OF THE WEEDS FROM THE COMPOST HEAP THAT YOU CALL YOUR KIN, FILTHY VERMIN!

That said, since you are no doubt fully aware of your status and have thus long accepted your lot in life, thank you for taking the time to read about my exploits instead of eating these pages for food or using them to light the fire. I'll try to avoid using many big words so you can understand it.

Not much to say at this time. We're traveling to a gods forsaken part of the world for fun and profit. Exactly what kind of fun depends on what we find when we get there. I'll try to write more once we find whatever hole we're going to be calling home for the foreseeable future.

Mr Soahk, mercenary.

[Meneth]

On the origins of Saronite.

[Deus Asmoth]

Can I get the professor if he's still available?

[CaptainArchmage]

Can I get the professor if he's still available?

I have assigned you Professor Hedge. You can still pick his profession (currently just a Planter, using the default dwarf fortress naming conventions). He is an adequate clothier, novice miller, proficient growerr, adequate dyer, and dabbling as a butcher, tanner, negotiator, judge of intent, intimidator, and consoler.

-Two more ponies from the starting seven remain to be claimed.-
IF YOU WANT A MINING PONY, ASK NOW

On the origins of Saronite.

Sigh. Remember when Warcraft was actually a FUCKING Real Time Strategy game?

Captain Brony’s Fortress Journel, 8th Hematite 101



STOP THE PRESSES! NON-UNDEAD WILDLIFE SIGHTED!



Let’s PULL THE LEVER and go outside! Just watch out, there’s a patch of ground under a rain of horrid filth, and it looks like the Muskox are stepping in it.