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[nenjin]

Yeah. A lot of these suggestions are nice, but, they're couched on the assumption anyone listens to or respects the OP's friend. It doesn't sound like they do, so honestly, being diplomatic doesn't seem like it's going to get anywhere. People that walk all over you only respect something they can't talk, threaten or shame their way out of. Something like "I'm moving soon, because I can't stand sharing this living space with you and no one respects what I'm doing for you or my needs. Good luck."

[Tiruin]

Though I'm unsure he did approach the situation diplomatically, or maybe its just me reading those bouts of contact wrongly. I gleaned a hint of anger in all times by either/both parties involved...

If in case the worst hits:

Sounds like he really needs to put his foot down.

[nenjin]

Though I'm unsure he did approach the situation diplomatically, or maybe its just me reading those bouts of contact wrongly. I gleaned a hint of anger in all times by either/both parties involved...

If in case the worst hits:

Sounds like he really needs to put his foot down.

I don't think anger here is unjustified. When some freeloading brat is jeopardizing your livelihood, sounds like the perfect time to get angry. (And to use that anger to fuel a "putting your foot down" moment.)

[GlyphGryph]

I doubt the mother actually "panics" - it sounds like both of them are experienced manipulators and making their respective living from those skills. Poisonous people to be around.

Your friend should move, get his own place, a small place that can't fit them, and STAY THE HELL AWAY.

[Zangi]

Wasn't this posted before?  Or was it someone else with a very similar situation?

Options:

1. Move out.
2. Find an at-home-workplace elsewhere.
3. Stop paying internet account under Niece's name.  Set-up a new account under your name, lock modem in your room, buy a wireless access point and run a line from that to the modem.  Make sure to add explicit instructions that only 'you' can make any changes.
3. Move the fuck out already.

EDIT: Oh right... its a
"What do I do as the friend of someone who needs help, but does not listen?" type thread isn't it?

[DJ]

He could get a couple of fratboys for roommates, they should drive out the mother and the niece.

[Greiger]

Yea I'm seeing a whole lot of move out stuff.  It's his house, they just were tagalogs with him after he moved out the first time.  The whole idea of moving out again and cutting his losses is a possibility I could throw his way, but I don't think he'd be up for that.

His mother does seem pretty panicky even to me.  If it's a manipulative thing it's something that became habit.  Years ago she asked me to do a windows update on her computer and she freaked out a little bit when it wouldn't shut down to restart right away because it was finishing the update during shutdown, she thought I broke it.

I'm kinda hoping the internet being switched over (in whatever way that works out) might give him more footing to be taken seriously.  Right now he can't really do much if he wanted to, the internet is signed for by his sister, so I don't think the family thinks he could lock anyone out if he wanted to, and he can't really drop the house since he needs to live somewhere, and he got a really good deal on the house with amazing timing.  Right after he bought the place housing prices around here skyrocketed.

Him having the internet under his name and it being properly set up so that only he can open a ticket seems like it would give him a stable place to put his foot down at when necessary.  He could then lock up the router in his room.  Even if he can't lock up the router, and his niece still decides to be an ass and reset the router when he's not there at least it won't be happening while he's working, and since he's there more often than not he can simply disable the wireless whenever his niece fucks with it.

P.S. The fratboys sound like it would be something fun to be a safe distance away from and watch.    Though I'm afraid it would drive my friend out of his mind too.  Neither me or him are the frat type.

[nenjin]

Seems the key is at least making sure his work can't be interrupted.

That means getting the internet in his name. Too bad the drama llama has already come around, because that will make it harder to get it done. I don't know if you can cancel the service at the house if you don't pay for it.

There's no way he could get a second line on its own router is there? Since he's not technically paying for his internet now, if it were possible, that might be the best solution. It lacks the "FU YOU FREELOADING SCUM!" release, but it also avoids conflict and takes away everyone's reasons for being up in his business.

I dunno though. While I hate to put it like this, it sounds like he needs to man up a little. This isn't about gender, it's about asserting his rights as the home owner and clearly the most stable person in that house. Where would be they be without him?

[Tiruin]

He could get a couple of fratboys for roommates, they should drive out the mother and the niece.

...You're joking, right? >_>

Yea I'm seeing a whole lot of move out stuff.  It's his house, they just were tagalogs with him after he moved out the first time.

Wtf?! What do you mean by that!?

E: I really assume you did a typo but...that's my first reaction. Some kind of newfangled neologism against a people didn't match the context (or you) at all. But...argh.

...Given that they're family...and I really can't get why said family can't get together (I mean, niece. Blood related. Doesn't that have any value there?!)

His mother does seem pretty panicky even to me.  If it's a manipulative thing it's something that became habit.  Years ago she asked me to do a windows update on her computer and she freaked out a little bit when it wouldn't shut down to restart right away because it was finishing the update during shutdown, she thought I broke it.

That isn't panicky. That's assuming the worst (and probably blaming people? The root cause of that is not fully understanding the situation, among other primary ideas in my opinion...given the context).

Base line I see we're all agreeing on that wouldn't jeopardize the family?
Get the internet account under his name, and give ONLY him the access to control it. Because he seems the fair judge among the 3.

[Greiger]

Yea that was a typo, I meant tag-alongs

The bank ended up owning their old home, him and his sister were looking for a new place separately, his mom apparently did not look at all.  His sister and him ended up moving to diffrent places.  But for some reason that's still unclear to me his mom moved with him, despite part of the motivation to getting his own place would be getting the place to himself.

His sister refused to take his niece, so his mom ended up moving her in with her apparently with no notice.  he expected his mom and his niece was there as well.  His mom guilt tripped him into letting her stay til she can support herself.

From stuff I found out about today it could be worse, his sister is trying to move in with him too, she apparently got into dept hell and lost a dept collection lawsuit of some kind somewhat recently, but they don't talk about it much.  And that's why his mom doesn't want the account changed over, she feels that every payment they make to an account in her name is helping rebuild her credit, and that getting his own account is throwing her under the bus.

He still is planning on getting his own internet account though.

[Tiruin]

I believe the best thing is to focus on the account for now (as...given the information about the family, it is lacking to give good judgement about it [ie "his mom apparently did not look at all" could give a TON of assumptions on why she apparently didn't, and being 'lazy' is only one assumption or whatever])

So...yeah. Internet account.  Though in that case, if anyone brings up concerns about it, then it is his time to say why he has drawn that line-the causes, and the idea behind it--meaning that anyone can still use it, but not to abuse it for themselves.

From stuff I found out about today it could be worse, his sister is trying to move in with him too, she apparently got into dept hell and lost a dept collection lawsuit of some kind somewhat recently, but they don't talk about it much.  And that's why his mom doesn't want the account changed over, she feels that every payment they make to an account in her name is helping rebuild her credit, and that getting his own account is throwing her under the bus.

Oh dear :X
Umm..perhaps try to help them learn about the system so they could work alongside it instead of worrying on more-than-not trivial details and assumed possibilities?
Also, wishing your friend well here, whoever he is.

[DJ]

I was joking of course. But really, the only thing that can produce any results is him really putting his foot down and telling them it's his way or the highway. He is under no obligation, legal or moral, to support those deadbeats.

[nenjin]

...His sister refused to take his niece

Wait. His sister refused to take her own daughter in and pawned her off on him?

These people sound like A#1 scumbags, pretty much every single one of them, as you've described them.

[Bortness]

Frankly it sounds like he needs to put on the big boy panties and lay down some law.

If you let people take advantage of you, they will NEVER stop.  Family or not.  Period.

Living with your parent(s) as an adult is NEVER a good idea, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.

[Tiruin]

Living with your parent(s) as an adult is NEVER a good idea, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.

... >_>
Depending on culture: It's ok, here. Being self-supportive and living with your parents in the same home doesn't seem like its wrong (nor do I wonder why it is wrong)
Or am I missing something?

Frankly it sounds like he needs to put on the big boy panties and lay down some law.

...Panties?