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[Xanmyral]

@Sirus: Glorious.

[MaximumZero]

So. I just ran the first mission. Writing it up now.

We're gonna need more mooks.

Aw, hell.

[Sirus]

((This is the first update using OpenXcom. Any oddities or differences from the original can be blamed on that :p ))

_{"Marshal, sir?"}
: "ugh"
_{"Marshal, its time to wake up."}
: "leemee 'lone"
"Come on, sir. You need to be ready in case any UFOs show up. X-COM needs to prove how useful it can be."
: "Huh? What day is it?"


"Uh...January 1st, sir. Just how much did you drink last night?"
: "..."

January 1st, 1999
Did I imagine all of that? It felt so real. Yet here we are again, first day of the project and according to all records, untested against the unknown alien threat.








The soldiers all had the same names...but their attributes were slightly different, and a few were a different gender entirely. This makes no goddamn sense at all.

January 4th, 1999








Things are already going differently. Not a single UFO so far, and a new bunch of soldiers arrived. They're virtually identical to my dream versions...surely I must have looked at their personal records beforehand and dreamt about them, right?


Unfortunately we don't quite have enough weapons to arm everyone...and the storehouse filled up much sooner than I remembered it happening in my dream. We only managed to get a few items before we could no longer purchase things.

January 6th, 1999



We detected a UFO on the ground...mere miles from the base. If this is anything like last time, it might be a bloodbath. I send the rookies into their first encounter with the alien threat.


Operation Brutal Leopard


: "Remember ladies and gentlemen, these are unknown hostiles out there. Keep alert."
Mud: "YES SIR MARSHAL-SENPAI!"



Mud: "X_X" _{((Yes, he took a single step forward and died. That's X-COM, baby :p ))}
Theros: "Oh shit! Anyone got a smoke grenade?"
Sheriff: "On it, pardner...um, I can't chuck this here thing when y'all are in the way."
Theros: "Dammit...okay, move out of his way! Use the Skyranger for cover!"
Sheriff: "Much obliged...okay, smoke out!"


Foxy: "*cough cough* Okay, let's spread out and find that sunnuvabitch that shot Mud."




Redshirt: "Fuck! I can't believe all three shots missed me!"


Cirno: "Cirno hit, but not bad."
R-110: "ALERT. ENEMY FIRE CAME FROM TWO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. RECOMMEND STAYING IN SMOKE COVER."
Redshirt: "More incoming fire. Least these ones didn't hit anything."


R-110: "ALERT. UNIT HAS TAKEN HEAVY DAMAGE."


Sheriff: "I see the sharpshooter now. Eat lead, cowboy!...eh, I missed. Someone light him up!"
Cirno: "Cirno missed as well."
R-110: "UNIT MISSED."
Redshirt: "Goddamn you guys suck."



Redshirt: "Aaaaaaagah!"


Broomy: "TImE 2 ROCk + rolL d00D!"
Foxy: "The broom thing missed. Surprise, surprise."


Sheriff: "The lilly-livered coward is running away! After it!"
Sheriff: "Damn thing took two shots and still ain't down."


R-110: "OBSERVATION. DAMAGE HAS REDUCED ACCURACY SIGNIFICANTLY."


Superfly: "Gotcha bitch!"
: "Don't relax yet. We still have at least one more out there."


DarkPaladin: "Whoa! That was clo--"



DarkPaladin: "Son of a _bitch..."


Dakka: "Nooooooo"


Foxy: "Dammit! There's so much fire from that direction...there has to be another shooter out there! We're getting slaughtered!"


Cirno: "Hit again. Not stop Cirno."
Broomy: "TaKe C0vR!"


Chris: "OH GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE OUT HERE!!!"


Theros: "I know I saw some shots coming from that direction. FIRE IN THE HOLE!"



Theros: "Bah, hit a hill."

*insert message about Broomy going berserk*
Broomy: "AaaaahHHHAHAHHHAHAAAAAAAHHHHH"
Theros: "Least it's just shooting at the ground. That could have gone worse."


Superfly: "I see something. Gonna try to take it down, but I need backup!"
Sheriff: "On my way."



Sheriff: "Bury me...on...my ranch..."


Hooman: "Target spotted, yes. Throwing grenade, good good."


Chris: "Whew...okay, I'm okay now."

*two explosions later*


Foxy: "Oh fuck! It survived the grenade!"


R-110: "FATAL ERROR HAS OCCURED. PLE_{ASE CONSULT OWNER'S MANUAL...}"





*incoherent yelling and screaming*
: "That's it! All surviving units, back on the Skyranger! Dust off immediately!"






: "I said retreat! RETREAT DAMN YOU!"


: "Cirno, didn't you hear me? Fall back!"


Cirno: "..."


Chris: "Oh god, the smoke is clearing...oh god, we're all gonna die!"


Hooman: "Do my optic nerves decieve? Alien right here. Will kill, yes."


Superfly: "Yaaaaarfgh!"


Cirno: "Cirno...failed..."


Britches: "...is this it? Is this all that made it?"
: "Come on back, agents...there's nothing more we can do here. I'm ordering a Harrier strike force to level the area and hopefully eliminate any evidence."


Earlier today, 14 men and women bravely set out to face the alien threat. 6 returned alive. We managed to kill two aliens, but despite Cirno's best efforts we recovered no artifacts and left a substantial amount of materiel behind. This was an utter disaster.


Ordin Hooman was promoted to Sergent, pretty much because he was the only one to actually kill an alien and come back alive.

To be continued...

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

Name: Vector Syinth
Preferences (weapons, stats, etc): Bravery, Firing Accuracy, Reactions, Health, Stamina, Assault Rifle if there are no Sniper Rifles
Bio: A genetically synthesized soldier designed with improved vision, speed, health, and focus.  The entity believes heavily in respect for authority.  His authority.  He frequently uses bigoted language towards anyone else.
Image (not required):

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Sean Mirrsen]

You really should have brought some flares along...

[Steelmagic]

Ouch, that was messy. I guess it's time for my brain to institute conscription.

Name: John Miller
Preferences (weapons, stats, etc): The biggest gun he can find, He'll be safer that way, right? Right?
Bio: Poor John Miller was a fairly normal guy who worked at a supermarket until one day he walked into a building he didn't recognize and asked to use their restroom. Before he knew what happened he signed a waiver and was on a plane headed to X-com HQ. They didn't even let him use the restroom until they landed. He tends to be somewhat snarky to cope with his unfortunate situation.

[RAM]

Name: Slenderookie
Preferences (weapons, stats, etc): Stun rod, mind control, smoke grenades.
Bio: "I'm sure they couldn't have gotten this far without a thorough background check"
Base Location: Anywhere remote enough that they could lose communication for a few days without raising suspicions.
Base Name: not-home
Image "The photo came out blurry, we will have to get a new one, sometime..." "Well, I didn't really get a good look at them. I was, umm, distracted? They were, umm, tall! I remember that they were tall..."

[darkpaladin109]

Daamit, I died on the first mission. At least "Redshirt" Jackson lived up to his name this time around.
Name: Stormtrooper
Preferences (weapons, stats, etc): Rifles, laser weapons
Bio: A Stormtrooper from Star wars that teleported into the middle of X-com HQ one day. He held the marshall hostage, demanding to be granted entry into X-com.
Image:

[Sirus]

You really should have brought some flares along...

Noted for next time, assuming my absurdly limited base stores allow me to do so. But this was a slaughter even by night mission standards. I cut out a lot of screenshots, but those aliens were firing several times each of their turns, and then you'd move and get three or more shots of reaction fire, often from different directions.

ALSO ALSO, you didn't see the multiple rounds between when I decided to call it quits and the end of the mission, when soldiers would panic, calm down, and panic again, sometimes leaving the safety of the Skyranger while doing so.

also also also, at one point Theros (the guy with the rocket launcher) went berserk while in the Skyranger with several other soldiers nearby. If he hadn't panicked on the previous turn and dropped said launcher, it probably would have been a total wipe.

[MonkeyHead]

That.... that was X-Com at its best. I applaud.

Anyway, please scavenge what was left of R-110 and repair it to make R-110-B, with the same general lack of self preservation.

[Sean Mirrsen]

I make a point of selling off the extra aircraft weapons, the extra heavy cannon and its AP ammo when I start. You're not going to get much use out of those anyway.

[MaximumZero]

That was brutal. Next time, make sure you have a Maxclone in your lineup for optimal 20 Bravery panicking.

[Lightningfalcon]

Name: John DakkaDakka
Preferences (weapons, stats, etc): AutoCannon, high bravery, high strength, low firing accuracy
Bio: Bears no relation to the late John Dakka.  John DakkaDakka was found wandering outside the local XCOM recruiting office.  The streak of blood left after smashing a random civilian's face on the paperwork was taken as his signature.  There are a few things off about him, though no one in medical or recruiting could point out exactly what it was. 
Image:

[Devastator]

We're gonna need more mooks.

Indeed, glorious.  Fortunately, we have more names!

[HissinhWalnuts]

Yay more randomly designed and hilarious characters!