Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 [2] 3

Author Topic: A life of friends  (Read 2238 times)

hihi2463

  • Bay Watcher
  • FOXES RULES!!!!
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #15 on: November 18, 2013, 02:45:47 pm »

Look it takes time for one to write and figure out what comes next and I am new to writing and i have dislexea


It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front. Cocoa went inside to get her favourite doll set just after she opened the door, the kitchen caught on fire. I ran inside to get Cocoa I dashed down her hall then into her room, I found her sitting in the far corner of her room close to the window. The window was to high for us to climb out of normally. A handle slid out of the wall right below the window I pulled it down and found stairs I placed the handle on the ground it slid back into the bottom on the stairs and then clicked the stairs into place.

"Hey Cocoa let's get out of here" I said as I walked over to her

"Jess you know I refuse to Go through the window it's so high up" Cocoa said covering her eyes

"Look" I pointed to the stairs below the window " you can get up to the window and out safely ok?"
Logged
FOX LOVE <3

Akroma

  • Bay Watcher
  • Death and I, we have an understanding
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #16 on: November 18, 2013, 02:49:03 pm »

huh? so you are writing it on-forum? what did your family judge then when all that is written of it is hee on the forum?






anyway, consider writing a large chunk on word or something and then copy it here, rather than going sentence by sentence.
Logged
Find comfort in that most people of intelligence jeer at the inmost mysteries, if superior minds were ever placed in fullest contact with the secrets preserved by
 ancient and lowly cults, the resultant abnormalities would soon not only wreck the world, but threathen the very ingerity of the cosmos

hihi2463

  • Bay Watcher
  • FOXES RULES!!!!
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #17 on: November 18, 2013, 02:52:24 pm »

They judged the original but I lost that a while ago so I'm going by memory
Logged
FOX LOVE <3

Lectorog

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #18 on: November 18, 2013, 03:11:42 pm »

I cannot read it naturally. The writing style is far too awkward. When I do manage to read it, it makes little sense.
Logged

hihi2463

  • Bay Watcher
  • FOXES RULES!!!!
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #19 on: November 18, 2013, 03:16:38 pm »

Sorry I have dyslexia so I can't write all that we'll but I really enjoy writing so I keep doing it if one of you guys could edit my work then I'll be happy and I know I Saudi that I wasn't looking for an editor but now I see that I really need it
Logged
FOX LOVE <3

inEQUALITY

  • Bay Watcher
  • Living On the Mirror's Edge
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #20 on: November 18, 2013, 03:27:43 pm »

Well for one, I suggest no posting anything until you have something substantial, content-wise. I admire the fact that you are trying to write despite your dyslexia - and apparent young age? - but posting it sentence by sentence here isn't a positive way of gaining feedback, nor is it a successful way to approach the literary craft.

Write a rough draft. I mean a full, complete rough draft. Write a few thousand words if it's going to be a short story, several tens of thousands if it's novella-length, or a hundred thousand on up if you intend for it to be a novel. Then set it aside for a while. Then come back to it and reread it. Fix things up a bit, whether it be flow, content, or grammar; first drafts are never, ever perfect. The second draft is the absolute minimum needed before it is advisable to seek feedback on anything.

Once you've done that, then that's when it might be appropriate to consider sharing it with the world. But when you do, make sure you're clear up front about what you want from those you solicit; whether you want critique, or are merely sharing it for others. Be forewarned, even if you're not positing it for critique, the internet isn't the most pleasant place. Nor is the world of literature, for that matter. It'll be critiqued and criticized anyway. Also, finding a proper way to distribute the piece is an issue all by itself; the formatting, the method of distribution, etc. are all things you should consider more carefully.

Look at this as subtle encouragement! I'm certainly not discouraging a dyslexic writer newbling from finding their footing in the world of writing, but it seems like there are a certain number of minutiae regarding both writing and activity on forums that you seem unaware of. So, I'll leave you with this advice and say: good luck!
Logged
Quote from: Carl Sagan
It does no harm to the romance of the sunset to know a little bit about it.
If the magma cannon doesn't count, they aren't proper scientists.

Akroma

  • Bay Watcher
  • Death and I, we have an understanding
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #21 on: November 18, 2013, 03:30:27 pm »

no, what you need is more than 2 sentences to describe the escape from a burning building. You are just leaving substantial parts empty.
Logged
Find comfort in that most people of intelligence jeer at the inmost mysteries, if superior minds were ever placed in fullest contact with the secrets preserved by
 ancient and lowly cults, the resultant abnormalities would soon not only wreck the world, but threathen the very ingerity of the cosmos

hihi2463

  • Bay Watcher
  • FOXES RULES!!!!
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #22 on: November 18, 2013, 04:02:54 pm »

What does substantial mean?
Logged
FOX LOVE <3

Akroma

  • Bay Watcher
  • Death and I, we have an understanding
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #23 on: November 18, 2013, 04:03:59 pm »

big, important.  The meat is a substantial part of the burger
Logged
Find comfort in that most people of intelligence jeer at the inmost mysteries, if superior minds were ever placed in fullest contact with the secrets preserved by
 ancient and lowly cults, the resultant abnormalities would soon not only wreck the world, but threathen the very ingerity of the cosmos

freeformschooler

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #24 on: November 18, 2013, 04:09:20 pm »

What does substantial mean?

If you type a word into google followed by definition, it will tell you what the word means. No need to ever ask again!
Logged

inEQUALITY

  • Bay Watcher
  • Living On the Mirror's Edge
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #25 on: November 18, 2013, 04:13:18 pm »

no, what you need is more than 2 sentences to describe the escape from a burning building. You are just leaving substantial parts empty.

By substantial, I meant 'substantial amount of'; I figured that was understood. :P
Logged
Quote from: Carl Sagan
It does no harm to the romance of the sunset to know a little bit about it.
If the magma cannon doesn't count, they aren't proper scientists.

Akroma

  • Bay Watcher
  • Death and I, we have an understanding
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #26 on: November 18, 2013, 04:16:13 pm »

by substantial, I mean that "the author of the thread is leaving substantial parts out", not you; I figured that was understood. :P
Logged
Find comfort in that most people of intelligence jeer at the inmost mysteries, if superior minds were ever placed in fullest contact with the secrets preserved by
 ancient and lowly cults, the resultant abnormalities would soon not only wreck the world, but threathen the very ingerity of the cosmos

hihi2463

  • Bay Watcher
  • FOXES RULES!!!!
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #27 on: November 18, 2013, 04:21:24 pm »

I am the Arthur of the thread
And this is a revised version of my old stuff I think I haven't seen my old work in a while
Logged
FOX LOVE <3

Darkmere

  • Bay Watcher
  • Exploding me won't bring back your honey.
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #28 on: November 18, 2013, 06:56:15 pm »

There's a life lesson for you here, and it's something important to learn, even if many people end up ignoring it.

You started posting here asking for "real world" opinions on things, and people have been giving you honest, constructive suggestions to help you improve. You're not listening to the advice you asked for, and instead of taking it as a way to improve yourself, you're making excuses because it's not what you want to hear.

We know it takes time to write things, but we're being honest when we say we can't help you much or at all with just one sentence at a time. Please finish a large part of your work and proofread it so we can make a better judgement without having to check back here for once sentence at a time.
Logged
And then, they will be weaponized. Like everything in this game, from kittens to babies, everything is a potential device of murder.
So if baseless speculation is all we have, we might as well treat it like fact.

inEQUALITY

  • Bay Watcher
  • Living On the Mirror's Edge
    • View Profile
Re: A life of friends
« Reply #29 on: November 18, 2013, 07:14:52 pm »

by substantial, I mean that "the author of the thread is leaving substantial parts out", not you; I figured that was understood. :P

...I'm just gonna show myself out now. :P
Logged
Quote from: Carl Sagan
It does no harm to the romance of the sunset to know a little bit about it.
If the magma cannon doesn't count, they aren't proper scientists.
Pages: 1 [2] 3