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Author Topic: A life of friends  (Read 2215 times)

hihi2463

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A life of friends
« on: November 14, 2013, 05:59:33 pm »

It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front.
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Korbac

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2013, 06:22:01 pm »

It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front.

Something I never got to experience... *begins sobbing quietly*
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freeformschooler

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2013, 06:25:41 pm »

Urge to punctuate... rising...
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Lectorog

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2013, 07:07:24 pm »

Urge to punctuate... rising...
Punctuation alone cannot make it conform.
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2013, 07:35:59 pm »

CONFORMITY IS THE BASIS OF ALL THINGS JAMAL, ASSIMILATE!!!
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This conversation is getting disturbing fast, disturbingly erotic.

Caz

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2013, 07:14:27 am »

What are these 'friends' you speak of?
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inEQUALITY

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2013, 08:48:59 am »

...what is this thread? ???
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Quote from: Carl Sagan
It does no harm to the romance of the sunset to know a little bit about it.
If the magma cannon doesn't count, they aren't proper scientists.

hihi2463

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2013, 12:29:12 pm »

A life of friends is a book that I am writing I am posting it here to see what other people think about it
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Akroma

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2013, 01:53:41 pm »

a single sentence is hard to judge


though:


Cocoa a) needs to be capitalized and b) nobody is called that


it's "my sister, my best friend Cocoa and I". Don't put yourself at the beginning of the list.


"quiet street in new york". No such thing. It's new york
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Find comfort in that most people of intelligence jeer at the inmost mysteries, if superior minds were ever placed in fullest contact with the secrets preserved by
 ancient and lowly cults, the resultant abnormalities would soon not only wreck the world, but threathen the very ingerity of the cosmos

hihi2463

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2013, 01:59:28 pm »

Cocoa is a nick name and there is on the outskirts of New York   
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hihi2463

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2013, 02:01:21 pm »

It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front. Cocoa went inside to get her favourite doll set just after she opened the door, the kitchen caught on fire.
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Akroma

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2013, 02:02:08 pm »

again, not much to judge.


is there a rough synopsis?
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Find comfort in that most people of intelligence jeer at the inmost mysteries, if superior minds were ever placed in fullest contact with the secrets preserved by
 ancient and lowly cults, the resultant abnormalities would soon not only wreck the world, but threathen the very ingerity of the cosmos

hihi2463

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2013, 02:09:36 pm »

Hey I 'me still working on it and I wasn't looking for an editor I was wanting to know how good it is all my family likes it but I want to know is the public would


It all started when I was 5 years old me my sister and my best friend cocoa, we we re playing outside of her house on a quiet street in New York. Our parents were inside having coffee as they watched us play in the front. Cocoa went inside to get her favourite doll set just after she opened the door, the kitchen caught on fire. I ran inside to get Cocoa I dashed down her hall then into her room, I found her sitting in the far corner of her room close to the window
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Akroma

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2013, 02:12:00 pm »

how can we judge how good it is when we only get a sentence at a time?
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Find comfort in that most people of intelligence jeer at the inmost mysteries, if superior minds were ever placed in fullest contact with the secrets preserved by
 ancient and lowly cults, the resultant abnormalities would soon not only wreck the world, but threathen the very ingerity of the cosmos

Darkmere

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Re: A life of friends
« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2013, 02:32:52 pm »

1) Fix your formatting and punctuation.
2) Finish the work.
3) Write a synopsis of the finished work after you do a line-by-line pass at editing on your own.
4) Post the synopsis first.
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And then, they will be weaponized. Like everything in this game, from kittens to babies, everything is a potential device of murder.
So if baseless speculation is all we have, we might as well treat it like fact.
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