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It was inevitable

15 (42.9%)

Winners don't do drugs

6 (17.1%)

I'll be back

2 (5.7%)

Drink the Kool Aid

6 (17.1%)

Groovy

3 (8.6%)

Insane in the membrane

3 (8.6%)

Total Members Voted: 35

[Xantalos]

Alan's need for stimulation pokes at him. He ignores it for now because the dustball things might do something interesting now that they're fed. Even if they didn't take his possibly radioactive coffee. Philistines.

Watch them with un-Alanlike focus to see if they do something cool.

[Lenglon]

"Um... hold on."
<Hey, um, River? This guy has a map of the area. This is what it looks like:>
I attempt to show River the map that I'm currently staring at.
<We're here right now, and that ruined city was here.>
I point at the locations on the map, continuing to show him what I'm seeing.
<Where are we trying to go?>
I trace my finger over to where River directs me.
"Hey, mister? um, what's over here?"

[Megggas]

"Hookay, this... What... Huh... What?"

"What the..."

You do your best imitation of parrots squawking "What" at each other.
"You could use a more diversified vocabulary friends. Perhaps you'd care to purchase some onomatopoeias? You could use exotic and distinctive phrases such as 'Waaak!' or 'Er...Bwah-ha-ha-hyuck' for only 0.99! Guaranteed to make you stand out in parties!"

"Huh?  Onitomapotos?  What is that, some kind of wonder drug?  And only 99 cents!?  I'll take one!"

Wish for a dollar to appear in my hand.  Purchase this incredible offer immediately.

[Toaster]

Figuratively poke at Zero to see if he does something cool.

[Parisbre56]

Sorry, your part got eaten Toaster. Edited it back in.

[Parisbre56]

"No."

Kosak rips away the wires at the pole's base, then laughs at the mechanical man.

You pull at the pole until one by one the wires snap, spraying electricity, fire and boiling fluid everywhere around them. The ball of fire at the top expands further, fiery ribbons forming around it, some of them merging and breaking free in jets of plasma. You walk forward, out of the mists, wearing a fiery halo and expanding wings of electricity, laughing maniacally. You walk despite the fact that your legs are freezing, your head is burning and your arms have become rigid and unmoving, constantly clenched.
 : That's impossible! :
One of the plasma beams gets a lucky shot and hits the mechanical man, cutting off it's pole-like arm. The rest burn holes through the floor and the walls. Through the holes in the protective barrier, the otherworldly light of the other room starts seeping into this one.

Illgeo and Beirus
Oh, looks like someone is throwing fireworks in one of the rooms close to the upper level. Beams of light escape through it, making holes through walls and ceilings. For some reason, you feel the need to blame Jason Statham for this.

Campaign

Alan's need for stimulation pokes at him. He ignores it for now because the dustball things might do something interesting now that they're fed. Even if they didn't take his possibly radioactive coffee. Philistines.

Watch them with un-Alanlike focus to see if they do something cool.

You watch the fuzzballs. They simply stand around, doing nothing. It's almost as if they are farm animals and not some sort of furry bomb. Still, you're certain something will happen if you keep looking at them. Maybe they'll reveal the ultimate truth about life, the universe and everything. Maybe they'll drop their façade and start discussing about taking over the world. Maybe they'll turn into ninja cats. You just have to watch them very carefully. It could happen at any moment. Any moment. Anyyyy mooomeeeent...

River appears to have grown tired of waiting and after a few seconds of closing his eyes and looking down, he heads towards the building, leaving you alone with the elf.

"Um... hold on."
<Hey, um, River? This guy has a map of the area. This is what it looks like:>
I attempt to show River the map that I'm currently staring at.
<We're here right now, and that ruined city was here.>
I point at the locations on the map, continuing to show him what I'm seeing.
<Where are we trying to go?>
I trace my finger over to where River directs me.
"Hey, mister? um, what's over here?"

<I do not remember. It might have been close to those mountains. Maybe close to that line?>

You point at the mountains, close to the road he indicated, and ask your question. There's a small triangle pointing down and a ][ symbol there, along with some writing you can't understand. They are relatively close to that large town, the one that man called Kodromota. Maybe half a day's travel north, assuming the terrain is not too rough?
"Oh, that? That's Nether Pass. It's close to our borders and very dangerous to go through. It takes you through the mountains and to the Sovereignty, but I wouldn't recommend taking it. There's powerful magic up there, especially Death magic. And its highest concentration is close to that mountain pass."

"There are old fortresses carved in the rock there, ancient labyrinths of stone long abandoned. They say they are host many dangerous creatures, some mundane, most magical. If the creature you are searching for has taken refuge there and it can control other creatures like you said, then you'll have a hard fight ahead of you. That, or your job is already done and all you'll find waiting for you there is a corpse."

"It's not impossible to go through, mind you. Smugglers desperate enough to take it are said to sometimes make it through if they're quick, quiet, respectful and lucky. But I wouldn't recommend it, not when there are other paths you could take."

[Toaster]

"Hello, Zero.  Hello, Galatea.  What can I do for you?"

[Xantalos]

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I know I can turn this into hilarity somehow, the question is what method would actually work? Say elf ladygirlperson that I forgot the name of, do they bite at all?"

Try for Red Bull again.

[Beirus]

"Sure, sound goo...hey, wait a minute. How do AI know this won't steal my soul or destroy it or that this isn't the sacrifice you need for ultimate power or some junk? Or that when you say 'free' you mean soulless and obliterated from existence?"

Bit more talking. How am I doing on energy? Close to enough to transform, or stab this guy if he shows up?

[FallacyofUrist]

"Bah. Do you think I care that it's impossible?"

Kosak lets out another laugh... then he charges the tin can man. Target: one of the tin can man's legs. Kosak selects a weak point on that targeted leg, then hits it repeatedly while dodging the tin can man's attacks. Soon it will fall.

[Harry Baldman]

"Informative! Very informative indeed, yes. Perhaps we should buy your map indeed, good sir. What sort of payment would you be looking for? We mostly have sorceries at our disposal, so no doubt we can improvise something."

Ask about the price of the map.

[NAV]

"I agree we should definitely buy the map. We could pay with information, if you're interested. Tell you all about the multiverse and the games and the entities, or about modern technology. Or we could have Alan summon you something. How about it?"

[Lenglon]

"hmmm..."
To D:
<Hey D, think he's up in there?>
To River:
<River, the man says there lots of dangerous creatures and death magic in that area. Does that make it more likely or less that our prey is there?>
and back to verbal:
"Sir, you were able to restrict Alan earlier pretty easy. Um, how common is that skill? Do you just will him to... not... do what he does? or is there some trick to it? I mean, if we're going to have to go into the teeth of death magic..."
I'm fidgeting as I speak, looking down but glancing up at him periodically.

[Parisbre56]

Campaign

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I know I can turn this into hilarity somehow, the question is what method would actually work? Say elf ladygirlperson that I forgot the name of, do they bite at all?"

Try for Red Bull again.

"Oh, no! They doNot bite. They are quite friendly and proneTo fright. They may stingYou, that theyMight."

You try to summon some cans once more.
G- Ghack!
A small aluminium can just got stuck in your throat! You can't breathe, you can't scream... And there's nobody around to help, River and the rest are near the building's entrance, there's only that grinning elf next to you. Oh gods, this is going to be your least amusing death ever, isn't it?

"Informative! Very informative indeed, yes. Perhaps we should buy your map indeed, good sir. What sort of payment would you be looking for? We mostly have sorceries at our disposal, so no doubt we can improvise something."

Ask about the price of the map.

"No, I do not like the 'gifts' of chaos sorcerers. Both their creation and their existence tend to be too unstable for my tastes. Not unless it is really worth it. I will accept anything valuable you have though. Coin, materials, magic. Really, anything that could help with my farm, my home or my family. Or my other interests."
He says that last bit while making a gesture towards the room you are in.

"I agree we should definitely buy the map. We could pay with information, if you're interested. Tell you all about the multiverse and the games and the entities, or about modern technology. Or we could have Alan summon you something. How about it?"

"While your stories are interesting, I am afraid they are simply not worth the same as a map as fine as this one. The materials cost, the time it took me to draw it cost, the time and money I spent researching that information cost. I do not mean to be disrespectful of your stories, but while they are interesting and I would like to know them, a story that hardly anyone on this world will care about or believe in will not feed my family or better our lives."

"hmmm..."
To D:
<Hey D, think he's up in there?>

<Hah! You're kidding? With your luck? Definitely! Where else would he be? Right where you wanted to? A nice bar? No, it's got to be in the worst place possible.>

<Plus, it's in line with the laws of narrative. The whole thing sounds like a quest description. 'Go to the gloomy place of deathly death and face the leader of the armies of death who threatens to conquer the world'. It's straight out of a fantasy novel or game. I'm surprised we don't have to gather three pieces of a key to gain entrance or something similarly silly.>

To River:
<River, the man says there lots of dangerous creatures and death magic in that area. Does that make it more likely or less that our prey is there?>

<More. A traitor and a coward would hide behind others.>

and back to verbal:
"Sir, you were able to restrict Alan earlier pretty easy. Um, how common is that skill? Do you just will him to... not... do what he does? or is there some trick to it? I mean, if we're going to have to go into the teeth of death magic..."
I'm fidgeting as I speak, looking down but glancing up at him periodically.

"It is Order magic. The concept is relatively simple to grasp, but the ability itself is hard to master. You simply use Order magic to equalize and calm magical energies. If your will is strong and your magic is strong, then you can prevail. It works the best for forces and effects dissimilar to Order."

"For example, Chaos summoning seeks to change and take, it uses inspiration, excitement, spontaneity. So you need to bring order and calmness and give energy equally. You need to make things as they should be, not let them be changed at the whims of the sorcerer. You need to understand that, you need have the will to do that and then you need to force your will on the sorcerer. If you do that, then the spell will fail orderly, or at least in a balanced manner. If you fail on the other hand, the disruption in your spell could be dangerous. The chaos energies could spread back towards you if you aren't careful or if don't know what you are doing."

"The problem is that for the spell to be a useful defence rather than some interesting bit of knowledge, you need to be able to identify the spell or at least the type of magic the enemy wizard is using and then enter the right state of mind to defuse it. And you must do that in the span of time it takes for the other to finish casting the spell, usually a couple of seconds or less."

"With enough training you can learn to do that instinctively. But if you are not prepared to cast the appropriate spell, then it might be easier to attack the other directly in the hopes of breaking their concentration and injuring them before they can injure you, instead of risking fumbling the spell and injuring yourself. I believe only well trained soldiers or mages that would be very concerned about their safety would be trained to be able to use this sort of magic efficiently under stress."

"Chaos sorcerers can do something similar by using a spell to break the caster's spellcasting, concentration and willpower. From what I can tell, it is quicker and easier to cast than an equalization spell, but is about as strong and very unpredictable."

[Xantalos]

Fortunately Alan had done some (a miniscule amount) of thinking after the sunscreen incident.

Grab the hand of the elf and shove it down my throat, hoping she gets the message to grab the obstruction thing.

If this proves unproductive, spew fireworks everywhere in an attempt to catch the others' attention.