Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

Build a proper above-ground house(s) upon the Mountain!

2 (25%)

Sell Sunshine to the Mountainhomes! (specify quantity in thread)

0 (0%)

Begin training siege engineers and operators!

4 (50%)

I have another suggestion.... I think it is a better idea! (specify in thread)

1 (12.5%)

All of the above!

1 (12.5%)

Total Members Voted: 8

[BlackMuffin]

7th of Felsite, 301

IT IS COMPLETE
MY MASTERPIECE IS FINALLY DONE
THE GREATEST OF ALL RHYOLITE THRONES
NOW ALL I NEED TO DO IS CREATE AN ARTIFACT AND I'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY

ARHAHAHHAAHAHAUHUAHRUHasknaf (the writing fades out into scribbles at this point

15th of Felsite, 301

So Lava let me put my masterpiece inside of my new office. I can't say I don't appreciate it, but it's sort of...unexpected. Knowing him, he'd probably have dug a hole somewhere in the darkest bowels (heh, puns) of the fortress, cut a circular orifice inside the seat, lead the hole to a gods-forsaken workshop several kilometers below the surface, and use it as the official shithole of Bowelpillars. The workshop's there because apparently Wendy convinced him that it's a good idea to make some sort of history hall filled with engravings and artifacts our fortress produces. I'm not against this, but the fact that he wants to line the hallways with statues that are actually made out of our own poop makes me want to stick my anus inside his mouth so he can produce his own goddamn shit statues. Asshat.

Anyways, lately I've had some revenge against Douchemeister Karkov by using him as a chair when I was eating some yak meat today. He was literally just sleeping right there amidst a pile of barrels, so I took the opportunity to sit on the fucker while enjoying my first meal in weeks. That'll teach you to talk shit about my lack of a beard.

Speaking of my beard, it's actually starting to grow out again now. It did so back when I first left my home, but it somehow disappeared overnight, but now it's starting to grow back again and shows no signs of stopping. In case you can't notice, I'm sort of excited.

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU JUST HOW FUCKING EXCITED I AM

The last few lines of this journal entry are missing, seemingly removed by hand. It might have contained a few lines of secret knowledge relating to the mysterious downfall of Bowelpillars in the 4th century, but could just be much more profanity, as expected from this particular dwarf. These are most likely the most interesting historical documents ever discovered by the Archeological Society of the Dangerous Salve.

[CaptainArchmage]

The following report can be found within Lava Doublebraid's fortress journal for the year 301.

Lava Doublebraid's Report, 1st Hematite, 301

I am very, very disappoint. Yes, we survived the first fucking season and had some useful shit built. Unfortunately, I just realised how fucking illiterate some of us are, by which I mean most of the other dwarves.

Our fortress is named Bowelpillars, or in the dwarven language "Rodumobok". I have illustrated the dwarves' general conception of the word "Bowel" with the aid of a polished anvil and a bar of soap:

This is a drawing of Lava Doublebraid's bowels. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. Lava Doublebraid is stretching the bowels. The bowels are gaping.



That's right, they think "Bowel" means "that which lies inside the gut". In the dwarven language, there are two different words for "Bowel as in gut" and "Bowel as in interior of a great structure". The word for "Bowel as in gut" is "GŁk", and "Bowel as in interior" is "Rodumobok". This means they think Bowelpillars is a shit-hole where all kinds of disgusting excrement will be stored.

I personally blame our education system for this vile travesty.

This is what real dwarves think Bowelpillars means:



I am not even going to try correcting this error. If the population wants to keep their mind in the fucking gutter, I'll find some place to put an elf zoo. Obtaining one is pretty simple. All we need to do is have an accident in the forges with the elven diplomat present, run the ambush through a line of cage traps, pick out the right elves, and move the cages to the right area. That's hard to screw up, right?

I got another 10 rooms dug out, and I drew some outlines for the plumbing. The miners have dug a small stairwell within the bunker, and are carving out two workshop and storeroom areas where we should be storing and working wood and stone in the near future. Designing a fortress is hard, and the uneven and hilly terrain makes it harder, man!

Surface level:


Just below the surface:


The sweet pod harvest has been bountiful. If we had some more barrels or bags, we could process them and plant a new crop, but we don't. Since it is now summer, we will instead plant pig tails and cave wheat.

Muffin NoBeard used the anvil trick to *finally* understand the true length of his beard. It is quite long. No really, it is.



This is what Karkov has been up to: Clearing a ledge for a future castle, if we can get one up.


This season we await migrants. I hope they are capable.

[CaptainArchmage]

So far: We got migrants, but the only person with any carpentry experience is primarily a weaponsmith. In fact, we had at least two weaponsmith migrants.

6th Hematite 301

The rainstorm finally stopped. Finally, we can go outside without getting wet! The forest on the other side of the mountain is still getting wet, and I think I remember from meteorological literature that the clouds get stuck behind Mountains, in this case the volcano. This means they're emptying their contents there instead of over us.

While digging the underground room, we uncovered some precious gems. We have some emeralds and some fire zircons. This may sound impressive, but those gems have a long time ahead of them stored in a bin in some vault, until some dwarf decides to use them in a strange mood or in some other project. Until we have some bins and a vault, they will be lying on the floor where they were dug out.

8th Hematite

As I was bringing in a bushel of longland grass, I found Udil sleeping in one of the farms. Again?



13th Hematite

Yawn. Most of us are going to sleep again. Muffin NoBeard is sleeping in his shop. I'm going to crash on the plump helmets.



We completed the order of 8 thrones yesterday, so jobs are being done.

17th Hematite 301

That's enough work for the time we've been here! I'm going on break with Muffin NoBeard. Meanwhile, Wendy has gone to sleep in the food stockpile. That place is really popular as a flophouse.

Scribbled in later

Migrants! Finally! At the wagon, I heard the blast of trumpets ring out over the mountain.

We have Kol Shellssabres", a Ranger:



Litast Deerlance, a Great Weaponsmith:



Tulon Ownerroughness, an Adequate Weaponsmith who is also a novice carpenter.



Thob Fatedarches, a weaver



Cog Guidrhyming, an adept speardwarf (otherwise a peasant)



Onget Hourpalace, who will not be doing much stuff of importance for the next two years or so.

[Urist Mc Dwarf]

Use the adequate weaponsmith for carpentry.

[CaptainArchmage]

Use the adequate weaponsmith for carpentry.

I'd prefer to have a chance for a brilliant sword. That is the problem, right there. As it is, we could have three legendary weapons made. Instead, I will give the carpentry job to the marksdwarf ranger guy.

[BlackMuffin]

17th of Hematite, 301
I really need to regulate what I drink a bit more.

So basically what happened roughly four nights ago is that as I was finishing up my thrones I decided to take a swig of booze before finishing up the last throne I had been working on. At first, everything went just fine, but as I kept working I noticed my sight getting a bit more...colourful. I started seeing swirls and random flashes all over the place and I had no idea what the fuck was going on until I started seeing the Juicy Boys.

Now when I say juicy boys I don't mean young male dwarves who just happen to have a larger amount of body fluids. I mean grown, muscular dwarf men wearing speedos and makeup, complete with well-arranged beads and bountiful chest hair, lying in sultry poses and beckoning me over.

Now, please understand that I am not a homosexual...but I'll admit those guys were fuckin' hot.

Before long, though, I blacked out, and when I woke up my throne was all finished, ready to be put up inside of a dining room. As I looked to my left I noticed a bunch of dwarves I didn't know milling about the corridors, so I had assumed that I slept through the first migrant wave. I couldn't really give any less of a shit and just left the chair where it was before going back to managing work orders.

I didn't get much done but here's a picture I drew of a sloth. I left it inside of Lava's back pocket when he wasn't looking:

[CaptainArchmage]

Disclaimer: The following information is written from the point of view of fictional characters, who do not represent the views of the poster.

Following the unexplained disappearance of the Grand Archmage Lava Doublebraids in the year [Covered in a stain of blood], the following entry in his journal may give some insight to the fort's early development.

20th Hematite, 301

Today, I found an interesting image drawing in my pocket. What is this I don't even.



I have heard there are no stops on the rape cart.



In other words, I am seriously doubting the sanity of my fellow dwarves and we're not even at mid-summer. Here I am planning an efficient survival bunker, and we're not even working on the main fortress yet! At this rate, I will need to build my own survival bunker within a survival bunker.

I have redesigned the plumbing, and added some new workshops and storage just below the ground level, which should keep our miners busy a little longer. Kol Shellssabers will be making us some beds as our new carpenter.

This is another monthly report from Lava Doublebraids regarding the fortress of Bowelpillars in the year 301

Monthly Fortress Journal Entry, 7th Malachite, 301

Once again, I waited for about a week into the month to make my journal entry. Just after I put my diary entry in on the 20th, Urist the Soon-to-be and Tobul Tintunnel both went on break at the same time, leaving about four of us milling about the wagon at the foot of an active volcano, singing songs about the elven wars, the conquest of Floodedmaligned, and the lewd exploits of the dwarven gods.

After some heavy relaxation, I climbed up the hill on the other side of the volcano to move some wood into a new stockpile underground, before I realised just how much time it would take. There are a lot of logs lying around, and we need to prepare for the caravan! I've told the dwarves doing important jobs not to haul wood around. Once the new workshop rooms are carved out underground, I will have to send our miners over to the volcano and get work done. I also need to get a trade depot built, and some goods made! These important tasks really do get left behind!

When I got back to the fortress, I met Kol Shellssabres, who said the Mountainhome desires us to sell at least ten examples of our craftdwarfship to the autumn caravan this year, or as many pieces of our craftsdwarfship as the caravan can carry if they can't carry that much. Most of us are back to work now, except for Urist the Soon-to-be. Once Muffin NoBeard is done with the millstone and the tables and doors, I will ask him to make some more statues to sell. We can also make and sell some good quality mechanisms, which fetch quite a high price.

I've included some drawings of the fortress as it is right now.



This is the ground level of the fortress now. I made one of the new storage rooms into a wood stockpile, with the workshop rooms housing a bowyer's shop. There is a carpenter's shop is outside, near a pile of logs, to the south. A few beds have been installed. Finally! The southern block of rooms will host about seven bedrooms, and the northern block nine. One room in each block will host a well. Food storage is filling up with the recent harvest.



These are the current plans for the lower floor. I made the plumbing a little more compact. I'm not sure about the other designs besides the large store-rooms and workshops, but I think we should expand further down.

Note by CaptainArchmage: The missions list has been updated.

[CaptainArchmage]

Dwarven architects attempted to assess the origin of the first baroque designs of the entrance of Bowelpillars. Once again, the diary of Lava Doublebraids proved a valuable source of information.

12th Malachite 301

Today marks a special day as the first well-crafted schist millstone has come out of the Mason's shop, along with an exceptional quality schist table. We also have some finely crafted and superior quality schist mechanisms, neither of which are magma safe, so we can finally build our first mill. Until we get some power running underground, we will have to do with a windmill, but it will have to suffice. Nobody's going to find us out here besides the unicorns and the migrants, assuming they know how to read a map.

Regarding map-reading, I found a copy of Ranger's Weekly in the dining hall stating that dwarven long-distance map literacy rate is somewhere about 35% according to some survey or other.

After many hours, I have finally designed the entrance and trade depot. Here it is, volcano fortress entrance plan 9.76-Alpha. I've tried everything, and this is the one that has me least worried.



No really, this is the best I can do. I need to figure out some alternative access arrangements, but if I get the trade depot outside, dwarves will probably shit in it, and if I put it off to the side, it breaks symmetry. The other designated areas are barracks, but they won't be detached.

13th Malachite

Today, Muffin NoBeard made a masterwork schist table! This is the most exciting thing that has happened in the past day, besides hauling wood into the stockpiles.

24th Malachite 301

As we did not have any blocks, I just put the millstone outside the fort in the open air, and ordered a windmill built directly overhead from the hill. Hopefully it won't fall down.

Since the remaining rooms were carved out underground, strike the volcano!

2nd Galena 301: Monthly Report

At last! Our miners dig in towards a fiery font. They have carved out half of the grand trade depot that shall make Bowelpillars one of the greatest fortresses our kind have ever seen.



Muffin NoBeard has finally designed the windmill out of feather wood.



I'm not going to even comment on the layout here. I just found a nice, symmetrical, and convenient location to put the millstone.



5th Galena 301

A wolverine has been sighted going berserk, by Karkov the militia commander. The situation has not come to blows, but I am watching the situation in case it gets worse. The last thing we need are dwarves dismembered this early.



I have finally located the wolverine. It is dangerously close to the fortress!



However, most dwarves are inside, sleeping on the new beds. They are comfortable, but I'd rather have two spare doors to close up the entrance.



14th Galena, 301

The entrance trade depot area have now been carved out. Before I extend the mining operations for the volcano, the miners will work on smoothing the foundations for the trade depot and drawbridges.

We've had another wolverine freakout incident, but the doors are ready and we will have at least one line of protection against invaders. Speaking of which....



These are the results of a poll regarding the defences on the bunker. Clearly, nobody wants to abandon this place, but the vote is split between having some doors and traps on the outer entrance, to having an accessible and self-suffcient bunker. I'm doing the simpler one now, the self-sufficient bunker is kind of implemented now but we need more defences and expansion. In particular, I cannot make the bunker accessible to the volcano fort until the volcano fort is carved out.

23rd Galena, 301

The base for the trade depot has been smoothed out, and we are awaiting the building blocks from Muffin NoBeard.

The rooms for me and Muffin NoBeard have finally been sorted out. I like the official rooms to have doors on them, as opposed to being an open schist cave hole thing.

[Timeless Bob]

Poll suggestion:
  River water + magma = "obsidian farm" (Circling the fortress, build hollow cylinders up to 1 z-level lower than the lava in the volcano then direct a pump stack up from the river into a water cistern with a flood-gate and a controlled channel from the volcano, both emptying separately into the hollow cylinders and operated by levers.  By filling half a z-level by turns with first lava then water, obsidian pillars will eventually be formed, reaching seemingly from the bowels of the earth.  If the molds are then removed z-level by z-level, the pillars can be smoothed and engraved top to bottom - becoming a source of awe to all who behold them.)

[Karkov]

I'm liking the amount of progress that's being done, carving everything out and whatnot.  How are we doing on metalworks?  We have any armor or above-grade weapons yet?  I'm kind of worried about the wild-life if I don't have a tin can to wear when wrestling with them. 

I like Bob's idea about the obsidian casting, and we could use the water cistern for a well, since water becomes magically clean via pumps if I remember correctly (even though it's river water and is fine anyway).  The only downside that I can think of obsidian casting is that it takes ages if I remember right, and depending on how large that volcano is we're gonna have a limited amount of magma.

[Timeless Bob]

So the pillars might spiral down in height, if the magma is depleted from one pillar to the next.  That just means that the empty cone of the volcano can be mined of its obsidian or smoothed and carved as well, becoming a final "inverted pillar".  Add great bridges spanning the empty space with statues at either end, joining different areas of the fortress and the dwarves will never get cave adapted. Archery ranges circling the empty space at various levels will ensure that any flying beastie or rampaging dwarf is properly peppered with bolts tout de suite.  It would be grand!

[Karkov]

Bob, your vision is grandiose and I love it.  Just need to make sure the forges always have some magma, but otherwise an empty volcano would be better than a full one in this venture.  It'd also be really awesome to see mine carts full of goods or dwarfs just zooming to and fro through that thing.  Yep, I'm down with this idea.

[CaptainArchmage]

Poll suggestion:
  River water + magma = "obsidian farm" (Circling the fortress, build hollow cylinders up to 1 z-level lower than the lava in the volcano then direct a pump stack up from the river into a water cistern with a flood-gate and a controlled channel from the volcano, both emptying separately into the hollow cylinders and operated by levers.  By filling half a z-level by turns with first lava then water, obsidian pillars will eventually be formed, reaching seemingly from the bowels of the earth.  If the molds are then removed z-level by z-level, the pillars can be smoothed and engraved top to bottom - becoming a source of awe to all who behold them.)

Congratulations! Your suggestion has made it into the Mountainhome's Megaproject List for Bowelpillars!

The objective of the vote was a project that would be completed in about one year, which could force the fort out of the way.

[BlackMuffin]

I'd say we should start engineering already because Goblin sieges tend to occur sooner rather than later, so it's a good idea to build some catapults (or ideally a ballista) so that we can fend them off should they arrive earlier than expected.

[CaptainArchmage]

26th Galena, 301

I've ordered a trade depot to be built in the new chamber from blocks of rhyolite. What? Rhyolite? When there are better materials to build a trade depot out of, I will replace it.



As the fortress now has a surplus of barrels, I am now processing the sweet pods into dwarven syrup.

1st Limestone, 301: Seasonal Report by Lava Doublebraids

Autumn has come! The fortress awaits a caravan from the Mountainhomes in just over two months, and the trade depot has been designated. We will probably trade some of the schist mechanisms to the caravan.

This is the state of the northern fortress today:



I have been processing the sweet pods into dwarven syrup, which appears to be quite valuable. As I write this, I have produced a barrel of 20 units of dwarven syrup, which is valued at 400, not including the value of the barrel.

As the wood stockpile filled up, some of us idled out. I assigned some more plants for gathering to the east, and I think I will get our adept speardwarf peasant some other job to do.

Now that the miners are finishing the engraving of the drawbridge bases, I will have to expand the volcano fortress with some storage space for trade goods. One usually needs to create a square with a stairwell or road thing running through it. The forges have to go somewhere, but I don't think I need to put them right next to the volcano. The magma or lava can make its own way through a channel, right?