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[LordSlowpoke]

TURN THE SIXTH

OK, FORGET THIS, NUKE THE MOON INTO OBLIVION

[1] YOU SUMMON OBLIVION. IT FALLS ON YOUR FACE AND NUKES ITSELF. RESPAWN?

Begin clever plan.

Obtain a copy of Portal 2. Be an awesome inventor.

[6] YOUR PLAN IS SO CLEVER THAT A DOZEN NOBEL PRIZES MATERIALIZE OUT OF THIN AIR AND PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. THEN TRAVOLTA PUNCHES YOU IN THE FACE FOR STEALING ONE OF HIS AWARDS. HUH. [6] YOU SUCCESSFULLY CASH THEM IN FOR ALL THE COPIES OF PORTAL 2 IN EXISTENCE. THE TOWER OF GAMES SUCCESSFULLY PUTS YOU ON A PILLAR REACHING ALL THE WAY SPACESIDE. [5] THE INVENTION OF A SPACE ELEVATOR MAKES YOU AN AWESOME INVENTOR INDEED.

Hide from the kerbals!

[3] YOU HIDE IN A STORAGE CUPBOARD. IT IS MOIST.

Ask the Chinese to send me on a moon mission.

[2] THE CHINESE STRAIGHT UP TELL YOU THAT IT'S TOO DANGEROUS TO GO TO THE MOON. ONLY A FOOL WOULD GO THERE WITH ALL THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

Pull up my socks and jump right to the moon!

[3] YOU JUMP AND ACHIEVE SUBORBITAL FLIGHT. YOU WILL CRASH INTO THE SURFACE NEXT TURN.

Respawn on the moon.

[1] YOU RESPAWN ON THE MOON. THE MOON WAS AN ILLUSION OF YOUR MIND. MINUTES LATER YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR MIND IS ALSO AN ILLUSION. LOSING ALL TOUCH WITH REALITY, YOU SUCCUMB TO EXISTENTIAL PONDERING UNTIL YOU STARVE. THIS KILLS YOU. ADDITIONALLY, YOU NEVER WERE ON THE MOON. RESPAWN?

Respawn then hire Capsule Corp (Dragon Ball Z) to build me one of their spaceships.

[2] NOPE, STILL DEAD. [6] THE AREA AROUND YOU BLOSSOMS WITH CARS, CHICKEN DRUMSTICKS, WACKY INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MEN AND EVERYTHING ELSE A MAN COULD POSSIBLY WANT AS THE CORPORATION PERFORMS A CAPSULE CARPET BOMBING OF YOUR LOCATION. THIS INCLUDES LUDICROUS AMOUNTS OF ICE CREAM. IT MELTS AFTER A HEATER-CAPSULE IS DUMPED INTO IT AND CARRIES YOU AWAY.

If respawn is neccesary, as it likely is, respawn within mecha, then GO-GO-MEGA-MECHA-FUSION-FLAMING-HEARTS-POWER MEGAZORD GO! If not, then reassemble self. No need to arrive at the moon looking like a mess, is there?

[5] RESPAWN WAS NEVER NECESSARY, I DON'T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF IT, THE ONLY THING IT DOES IS PUT YOU BACK ON EARTH HONESTLY. [2] THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T RESPAWN IN A MECHA. LAWYER'D. [1] YOU DISASSEMBLE YOURSELF. THIS KILLS YOU. RESPAWN?

Pilot - continue spacefaring; the others can go on a scavenger hunt for intruders.

[2] YOU REACH SPACESIDE AND JUST... DRIFT THERE. WHAT NOW? [6] THE TWO PILOTS BOTH FIND AN INTRUDER! IT'S ONE OF THEM! OR THE OTHER! [2] COMBAT ENSUES! [4v4] AS THEY SLAP EACH OTHER USELESSLY, [1] THE ENGINEER FALLS OFF THE STRUT AND PLUMMETS TO HIS DOOM! [3] THE LAST MEMBER OF THE CREW, ALOISE, JUST SITS THERE WATCHING THE SPECTACLE AND EATING POPCORN. HOW HE GETS IT THROUGH THE EVA SUIT IS A MIRACLE OF MODERN ENGINEERING. SPACE BOARDING TEMPORARILY CONCLUDED! KERBALS LOSE.

LET'S JUST ORDER NEW ONES I MEAN SERIOUSLY THIS IS SILLY

[4] THE GOVERNMENT SUPPLIES YOU A CRATE OF STRUT, SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED. PERFECT FOR THE DISTINGUISHED SPACEFARER.

SPACESIDE EFFECTS:

KERBALS: EVA SUITS EQUIPPED.
SQUIDGEN: [5] YOUR CUPBOARD SHIELDS YOU FROM THE VACUUM. YOU ESTIMATE IT WILL SURVIVE UNTIL NEXT TURN.
GREATWYRMGOLD: [1] THE VACUUM TURNS YOUR BRAIN INTO A 7-11 SLURPEE. RESPAWN?

SPACESIDE HAS BEEN REACHED! LEAVING PLANETSIDE FOR ORBITSIDE WILL NOW BE SIGNIFICANTLY EASIER.

Spoiler: STATUS (click to show/hide)

MOONSIDE:

MOON: SLACKING ABOUT, MODIFIERS: SPINNING WILDLY

SPACESIDE:

KERBALS: SUCCUMBING TO A LOYALTY CASCADE, MODIFIERS: EVA SUITS EQUIPPED
SQUIDGEN: ON A DAMP SPACE ODYSSEY

ORBITSIDE:

DORSIDWARF: SUBORBITALLY ENGAGED

PLANETSIDE:

NIRUR TORIR: MOURNING A SPACEMAN OPPORTUNITY WITHHELD, MODIFIERS: 48% SPACE TRAINED
LALASA: FLOATING AWAY IN A TSUNAMI OF DEFROSTED DAIRY GOODS
LENGLON: EBBING PRECARIOUSLY
PANCAEK: MODERATELY MASHED
SPINAL_TAPER: SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED
PERSUS13: EXPLORING THE WAYS OF A NONSUBMERSIBLE MARAUDER
NASA: SAVORING PRIORITY DELIVERIES
CHEESECAKE: BEYOND CONTEMPLATION
GREATWYRMGOLD: FEROCIOUSLY CONQUERING THE DEATH RANKS

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

starting from next turn i'll actively start purging idlers from the planetside list as making up statuses is kind of silly if you're not doing anything, if you're orbitside or further up you'll be there until someone actively shoots you down or somesuch
also, for better or worse, this game is now the longest running rtd that i singlehandedly gmed. i'm sorry for lenglon and the others who keep dying post-irrelevant-respawn but i did say that i won't manipulate the rolls in the op, please go sacrifice a goat to the rngod

[Lenglon]

build a new moon... a space station... with a giant death laser.

[Spinal_Taper]

odam. Revive. Be in Mech. Have it fly me to the moon. So I can play amoung the stars.

[Dorsidwarf]

 put on Inflatable spacesuit. Pull socks up further, achieving a moon encounter./b]

[SOLDIER First]

Build a safe, small rocket to launch myself to moon in.
It comes with a mini-fridge.

[squidgen]

Reinforce my cubboard. If that fails, forcibly remove an EVA suit from a kerbal.

[Nirur Torir]

Continue my taikonaut training. If pressed, deny any statement regarding my plans to visit the moon.

[GreatWyrmGold]

That...worked better than expected.

Point out that I never requested to go into space, nor was this ever stated in my actual turn. Force retcon.
Procure a space suit and other things needed to get to space without, you know, dying.

[Lalasa]

Respawn alive this time and then learn forbidden magic that could take me to the moon.

[Cheesecake]

I think, therefore I am. Think myself back to existence on the moon.

[LordSlowpoke]

TURN THE SEVENTH

build a new moon... a space station... with a giant death laser.

[5] IT IS A MOON. IT IS A STATION. IT IS IN SPACE. IT HAS A LASER. THE DEATH STAR HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY MADE A THING.

odam. Revive. Be in Mech. Have it fly me to the moon. So I can play amoung the stars.

[1] YOUR CORPSE EXPLODES. THIS WOULD KILL YOU. RESPAWN? [6] ITS CHUNKS ARRIVE IN THE COCKPITS OF SEVERAL MECHS AT ONCE. SOME OF THEM GET EVISCERATED BY VARIOUS SPIKES ALONG THE WAY. [6] THE MECHS LIFT OFF AND CRASH INTO EACH OTHER, CREATING A GIANT, UNCONTROLLABLE HUNK OF METAL GOING FULL BLAST OFFPLANET. YOU HAVE REACHED ORBITSIDE AND WILL MOVE SPACESIDE AT THE START OF THE NEXT TURN.

put on Inflatable spacesuit. Pull socks up further, achieving a moon encounter.

[4] YOU PUT ON AN INFLATABLE SPACESUIT. [4] YOUR SOCKS GO TO THEIR LIMIT AS YOU REACH THE BARRIER BETWEEN ORBITSIDE AND SPACESIDE. [2] THERE IS NO AIR IN SPACE. YOU INFLATE YOUR SUIT WITH VACUUM INSTEAD. IT DOES NOT HELP.

Build a safe, small rocket to launch myself to moon in.
It comes with a mini-fridge.

[6] YOUR ROCKET IS ABSURDLY TINY. YOU CRASH IT MULTIPLE TIMES SO IT CONFORMS TO THE NCAP RATING, AND IT ACQUIRES A GLORIOUS FIVE STARS. IT'S BROKEN, BUT THE MINI-FRIDGE WORKS. SUCCESS.

Reinforce my cubboard. If that fails, forcibly remove an EVA suit from a kerbal.

[5] YOUR CUPBOARD HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY REINFORCED. IT WILL LAST AN ADDITIONAL [6/3] TWO TURNS. IT HAS ALSO BECOME SIGNIFICANTLY MORE DAMP, AND YOU FEEL SOMETHING FORMING BENEATH YOUR FEET...

Continue my taikonaut training. If pressed, deny any statement regarding my plans to visit the moon.

[4] YOU START TO BECOME THE SPACEMAN THE WORLD NEEDS, BUT DOESN'T DESERVE. +20% SPACE TRAINED.

Point out that I never requested to go into space, nor was this ever stated in my actual turn. Force retcon.
Procure a space suit and other things needed to get to space without, you know, dying.

[2] YOU ROLLED TWO SIXES. SHIT HAPPENS. [3] YOU GET YOURSELF A BUNCH OF SOLID FUEL BOOSTERS AND AN INFLATABLE SPACESUIT. IT SHOULD WORK. IN THEORY.

Respawn alive this time and then learn forbidden magic that could take me to the moon.

[5] YOU ARE ALIVE! HOW SPLENDOROUS. [5] FROM THE TOMES OF FORBIDDEN MAGIC YOU LEARN THE "P'ART’I KOBRI" SPELL. CLOSEST YOU CAN GET, YOU SUPPOSE.

I think, therefore I am. Think myself back to existence on the moon.

[3] YOU THINK YOURSELF BACK TO EXISTENCE IN HOLLYWOOD, ON AN ABANDONED MOON LANDING SET.

Get off your ass and throw these two pilots out before they crash the ship!

[1] [4v5v6] THREE-WAY COMBAT ENGAGED! REACHING FOR BOTH OF THE KERBALS AT ONCE, ALL ALOISE GRABS IS AIR AS DOSKI DODGES! RONSON PULLS A GUN FROM AN UNIDENTIFIED PART OF HIS SPACE SUIT! [3, 2, 6, 4, 1] HE FIRES A BURST AT HIS FELLOW SPACEFARERS! [3, 2, 4, 5, N/A] TWO OF THEM BARELY GRAZE THEIR TARGETS, BUT THE LAST ONE HITS [2] DOSKI STRAIGHT IN THE FACE! [1] DOSKI HAS BEEN STRUCK DOWN. [1] THE BULLET CONTINUES ONWARD, PIERCING THE MAKESHIFT CONTROL CENTER'S HULL! RONSON'S GUN IS NOW JAMMED! AIR IS RAPIDLY RUSHING OUT OF THE CONTROL CENTER!

BUILD THE BEST ROCKET THIS WORLD HAS SEEN

[3] YOUR ROCKET IS NOT THE BEST. IT WILL HAVE TO SUFFICE.

SPACESIDE EFFECTS:
KERBALS: EVA SUITS EQUIPPED. [55] ALOISE'S EVA SUIT HOLDS FAST.
SQUIDGEN: PROTECTED BY STORAGE CUPBOARD.
DORSIDWARF: [3] YOU TAKE [9] DAMAGE FROM SPACE EFFECTS.

Spoiler: STATUS (click to show/hide)

MOONSIDE:

MOON:
HP: 29998/30000
SP: ??­??/??­??
KNOWN MODIFIERS: SPINNING WILDLY
INVENTORY: ??­?

SPACESIDE:

KERBALS:
ALOISE KERMAN:
HP: 10/10
SP: 3/3
KNOWN MODIFIERS: PROFESSIONAL SPACEMAN
INVENTORY: GRAZED EVA SUIT, TOOLBOX
RONSON KERMAN:
HP: ?/10
SP: ?/3
KNOWN MODIFIERS: PROFESSIONAL SPACEMAN, ENRAGED
INVENTORY: EVA SUIT. GUN, ??­?

SQUIDGEN:
HP: 10/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: HIDING
INVENTORY: POCKET LINT

DEATH STAR:
HP: ??­?/??­?
SP: ??/??
KNOWN MODIFIERS: NONE
INVENTORY: LASER ARRAY

DORSIDWARF:
HP: 1/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: SUFFOCATING
INVENTORY: SOCKS, INFLATABLE SPACESUIT

ORBITSIDE:

SPINAL_TAPER:
HP: -6/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: DEAD, UNCONTROLLABLE CRAFT
INVENTORY: VARIOUS MECHA CHUNKS

PLANETSIDE:

NIRUR TORIR:
HP: 10/10
SP: 5/5
KNOWN MODIFIERS: COMPETENT SPACEMAN
INVENTORY: TAIKONAUT BADGE

LALASA:
HP: 10/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: NONE
INVENTORY: GRIMOIRE OF FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
KNOWN SPELLS: P'ART’I KOBRI

LENGLON:
HP: 10/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: NONE
INVENTORY: SCREWDRIVER

NASA:
HP: N/A
SP: N/A
KNOWN MODIFIERS: GOVERNMENT AGENCY
INVENTORY: CRATEFUL OF STRUT

CHEESECAKE:
HP: 10/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: PHILOSOPHER
INVENTORY: EMPTY

GREATWYRMGOLD:
HP: 10/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: NONE
INVENTORY: INFLATABLE SPACESUIT, SOLID FUEL BOOSTERS

SENTIENT BOWTIE:
HP: 10/10
SP: 4/4
KNOWN MODIFIERS: NONE
INVENTORY: EMPTY

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

due to incessant reviving/respawning i actually started to keep track of whenever you're alive or dead
so i've respawned everyone because i'm too lazy to track all your deaths and respawns to date. except spinal, spinal died this turn so he's fucked
i went ahead and added even more shit after i had the framework done, it'll only make fucking up your quest easier. i'm not keeping track of your spacecraft just yet.
and it hasn't even begun.

[Lenglon]

Man the death star.
Fire upon the moon.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Invent a device that allows me to create anything found in a video game.

[Dorsidwarf]

Inflate spacesuit with canister of air! Quickly!

[Nirur Torir]

Try to convince someone who is hilariously rich to donate money to the CSNA so they will send me on a mission to the moon.