THE DUNKER, a bit embarrassed at his slight failure to make people feel the thunder, decides to try again.
"Ehehe. Whoops, let me try again."He clears his throat, still face down on the ground, and begins to shout, his voice muffled by the hardwood floor.
"PREPARE TO FEEL THE THUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNDDDDEEEEERRRRRRR!"[THE DUNKER's affinity roll: 2+1]
The thunder is, regrettably, not very felt - there is the sound of a watermelon hitting the ground in the next room as well as a slight electrical spark, but little else.
"Okay, new plan," Joanie says, slowly getting up from the ground.
[Joanie's affinity roll: 5+2]
[Joanie's finesse roll: 4-1]
She outstretches her palm toward the door to the backroom, and suddenly the air begins to whirl and twist, and contort into peculiar shapes, and even buzz as tiny little disturbing and strangely chanting insects begin to appear in it! A whirlwind quickly begins to form, and with a flick of the wrist, Joanie sends it flying into the backroom, where it immediately starts to cause a horrendous commotion.
[Bart's body roll: 4+2]
THE DUNKER, looking up, notices that Bart, quite disturbed by the sudden appearance of this atmospheric phenomenon in an atypical indoors environment, immediately bolts out of the room, coming into the vicinity of the two wizards, then, quickly realizing that things have most definitely gone very much southward, pulls out his gun and points it at THE DUNKER, then at Joanie, then at THE DUNKER again.
"Stop. Right now," he says.
* * * * *
In heaven, everything is fine.
Well, not really. For one, it looks a bit dull aside from the clown continually running after and smashing various virtuous souls, and also the humongous potato vortex gobbling up many others. But that's not quite enough to improve the atmosphere sufficiently for
Halesey's liking, so he decides to experiment a bit.
"They couldn't even keep vows? Is that why they're there?" Halesey wonders and, his sympathy for these poor bastards suddenly decreasing.
[Halesey's affinity roll: 3+1]
And so, with a simple act of will, Halesey's own face begins to deform, his mouth stretching out, his jaw warping, his lips parting to reveal a rather large potato vortex within! Well, relatively, anyway, though it begins to grow, subsuming the acolyte's mouth and eyes in short order, leaving his face as a large hole in space that leads to the one true heaven there has ever been, Potato Heaven. Not entirely shocked by the way he can actually kind of see, smell, taste and hear even with his features practically missing, Halesey experiments with bouncing around after the locals - he has little luck capturing any, though one particular soul does trip on the way, and Halesey's new face (and, some would say, his true face) quickly gobbles it up. All very good fun!
But is that quite enough vortexes, Halesey wonders? And is there any way the answer to that question could be yes?
Meanwhile,
Larry continues his communique with his guardian angel.
"So... how do you tell what heaven you're in? Let's say, for instance, this one looks kinda moony?""You mean, like, the Moon? That's the first sphere of Paradise. It's kind of like the first circle of Inferno. People there were kind of, you know, good people, but they had some issues keeping vows. You know, surrendering their free will, that kind of thing. So, while they technically got into Paradise, they didn't really get the best treatment. Sort of like how some awesome lawgivers and such get bitchin' castles in Inferno. That kind of thing, you know? I don't think people mind that much if you go there, because it kind of sucks when compared with, for instance, the fourth sphere, which is the Sun. On the Sun, you're made of light, you can fuse hydrogen through will alone, you talk with the smartest guys who ever lived and you can watch nuclear explosions and explore the solar corona. Plus, wild Sun parties. But yeah, the Moon kind of sucks, and it's for people we angels don't really like all that much. I mean, we're all about the free will, not following rules and so on, but still, these guys gave up free will and fucked it up, so we don't have much sympathy for them," the angel explains.
"Sure, you could, like, live there, but why would you want to? It's like squatting in the slums when you're a rich kid who doesn't wanna pay rent. But really, screw the Moon. Personally, I'd say you were a better fit for Mercury, myself. The Moon's full of sadsacks with sob stories that'll make you puke."* * * * *
Seeing how there are indeed some very confused people out there to share his frustrations with if
John has heard James right, he sets the meeting without many second thoughts.
"Ah yes, I'll be there shortly then. See you there," he says, and ends the call. For a moment, he ponders what that was all about.
"Who the fuck is that guy and why is he in my contact list? You know, this reminds me, I haven't touched that magazine in quite a while," he says, and retrieves his magazine, because if there are two things that go great together, inebriation and magic are it.
[John's mind roll: 5+1+
2]
As he descends into his mindscape once more, John giggles at all the pretty lights, and the spheres all around him. One of them looks pretty far, and John, not entirely processing the concept of distance at the moment, reaches for it and grabs it, sticking it in his pocket, laughing again. He then tries to catch another one, but with his navel, because it seems like kind of a good idea. And his navel expands, becoming like a huge catcher's mitt, and his abdomen seemingly travels miles to catch two more spheres. And then John, forming a butterfly net by clever manipulation of his feet, catches two more! Joyous at his wonderful luck, he floats around and begins to sing a song he doesn't quite remember, slurring the words and forgetting entire verses. And as he does so, the colorful void around him becomes increasingly soupy, and begins to smell slightly of urine, which shakes John awake! He is quite delighted to discover that he has not, in fact, pissed himself, and that he seems to be quite rich in magic now!
1. Teleport Dragon
2. Conjure Superconductive Carrot
3. Amuse Croissant
4. Envenom Gnome
5. Envenom Moisturizer
Good times, man, shyeah! Take any spells you like, and don't forget your date!
And with that, John clambers out of his couch, stumbles through his apartment door, a check of his wallet revealing that he still has his keys and money, promptly closes his door and heads down to Bernski's, a journey that begins with him falling down the stairs, yet failing to hurt himself in any real fashion.
* * * * *
Dave is a man of many questions and objections, but the underwear... master? He looks like somebody you would call an underwear master, anyway. Anyway, the underwear master seems very confident in Dave for some reason.
"You wouldn't happen to have a unnecessary target fields or something for me to practice large scale destruction on do you?" he asks, and the master of the keep nods.
"Certainly! There's a whole lot of wilderness out there - practice there, but return within one and a half hour! This is critical, obviously."* * * * *
Eta, having singularly failed at making Lois not look weird, gives in at last, and they, much to the delight of Lois herself, leave the clothing store and head over to Eta's apartment, stopping to buy some canned food and get some bags on the way. On the way, Eta tells Lois all about the happenings of the morning.
"I got out of the hotel, looked around until I found some place that looked kinda secluded. And then I stand there, focus for a few seconds, lift my hand and out pop a large number of golden high heels, slamming straight into a trash can! Some of them even got embedded into a wall! It was awesome! Gold and power all in one package! Not a very good defensive weapon now that I think about it though. It's like you'd be paying people to attack you. It would only encourage them in the long term. Not that I'd ever think I'd need a weapon to defend myself like that before today. But now, especially with what happened next..." she explains her as they approach the door of her house, but Lois, who seems really interested and slightly antsy, interrupts with a question.
"Wait, sorry for interrupting, but can I have another match? This spell-talk makes me want to, you know, try finding some myself? Maybe I can find something interesting as well? You know, maybe not right now, but still?"
Author
Topic: The Forgotten Art: Approaching the Nexus (Read 271363 times)