Cyrielle sighs, returning her coat to its dormant form for storage. She could have kept it on, but doing so reminded her of the blood that would forever stain her hands. Those she had blackmailed, tortured, killed or applied some combination of such iniquities would forever haunt her. Not that it mattered too much. After all, she did do so under duress, they were assisting hostiles and at lastly, whatever guilt and self-loathing she had was counteracted by both her usual apathy and her joyous elation that she was capable of actually feeling such remorse in the first place now. The former two reasons were mere justification of course, but even admitting their role as such did little to mitigate their effectiveness in that purpose. The latter wasn't an issue she saw in a negative light either, firstly, she was an optimist, so it was to be expected, secondly, it was rather pleasant to know that her identity withstood the attrition of dire affairs.
It was on that note in which her mind went off of a tangent, specifically, one in regards to Luna and the nature of their relationship. Though optimistic, Cyrielle preferred to consider herself as a pragmatist and has indeed been, at least, from her perspective, conforming to such standards when possible. In addition to that, she was well aware that she was rather transgressive. No need for circumlocution, the computer science field, statistically speaking was male-dominated so by participating in that, she was already was a more atypical person. In addition to that, she spent approximately 50% of her time technically cross-dressing, partly because she found that trousers were better for colder autumnal and winter months and partially due to the fact that having pockets was rather useful. Great, she was probably already beginning to conform to some sort lesbian stereotype. The short hair didn't help, though in all fairness, it still did extend a short distance past her shoulders. So, the belated question was, if she had little care for the more nominal behavioral expectations of society and preferred to be pragmatic as opposed to being fettered by inconsequential impertinences, why did she immediately deflect Luna's advances by proclaiming her heterosexuality? She was more or less asexual after all, so the physiological differences between the sexes wouldn't be much of a distinguishing factor. In that case, why sustain the argument?
Cyrielle didn't know. She was, now under introspection, evidently conflicted and contradictory in that topic though the reason still wasn't entirely clear.
Perhaps she had identity issues? After all, though she rarely pondered that trait, it was nevertheless part of her self image... Possibly, after all, he wasn't entirely sure who she was meant to be a the moment, whether she should act motherly, or more akin to a sister or creator towards Annie and Wheatley. She had still yet to resolve that. What would this resemble anyway? After all, her situation would be as if Adam accidentally created God. Again, she was drawn to comparisons with
Frankenstein, a rather disheartening prospect to say the least considering both the result of that narrative and how her view disagreed with Shelley's on the relevance of extended appraisals of nature.
Another potential factor raised itself - her blurred boundary between close-friend and romantic interest. There admittedly was little difference between the two for her aside from the varying magnitude of the symptoms, which needless to say did cause certain, idiosyncrasies, namely her proposal to Silica. Though the contributing variables certainly had an influence, considering that she was slightly sleep deprived due to insomnia, relatively close to death and, more than anything, feeling rather close to her friend (who stayed by her, listening intently for her instructions on how to finish her program, something which, she had determined, she wished to leave as a digital memento should she have had died). It was indeed a possible cause for her to establish a piece of arbitrary criteria to help differentiate the two types of love, a highly flawed, imperfect measure, but a functional mechanism nonetheless.
A simpler explanation may be that it was a mere excuse to decline the offer due to not feeling a romantic connection. It does seem more polite to point to sexuality rather than personalities as the reason, after all, their respective sins, acedia and luxuria were quite incompatible as were their interests aside from software development. Noticeably, the chance that it may be a partially subconscious case of accisimus was not considered as it had already been ruled out. Said nullification was the resultant product of the considerations of this point. Standard sequences of literature dictated that she would fall for Luna despite these objections considering her extensive consideration of it along with their farcical romance, however, Cyrielle's distaste for clichés would drive her to oppose such an occurrence.
Finally, there was, but of course, the obligatory "all of the above" option and whilst it is the obvious choice (such instances tended to have more than a single cause), Cyriielle refused to accept it as it would result in her casting the train of thought into the depths of obscurity with a far from comprehensive (or satisfactorily detailed) pretense. Though for now, she would pay neither heed nor regard alike until later, after all, there would be other times to consider this along with the fact that even if she overturns her offending designation, it would do little to perturb her infatuation with Abraxas.
Though at least, regardless of the (eventual) final proposition of this (if any), Luna would likely benefit seeing as she just made her question her sexuality in a relatively lengthy internal monologue. After all, inducing that would cause Luna's theurgical capabilities to increase...
((So, any opinions on these extended posts? Also, does Luna get rewarded for causing this considering that it amounts to her making Cyrielle question her sexuality?))
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Topic: Rise of the Magic Girls v2 IC Thread: Antimagic and gods and souls oh my (Read 3182129 times)