So I decided to abandon this story, because I don't like it anymore. However it is my latest work and I am need of some advice to improve on it so I can do better on my next story.
My Story:
David steel teacher was instructing the class on how to do some math problem or something. He was not sure because he was busy talking with his friend about The Slashing Hell the latest action/ horror movie that had just came out yesterday. David haven't got the chance to watch it yet due to having to babysit his little sister Jessica so he was a little reluctant to talk about it, he hated spoilers, but he just couldn't help himself.
"So, you mean Kyle was the killer?" David asked, surprised. Kyle was Nicole boyfriend after all, why would he kill her?
Nick just shook his head and said "Well, yes and no. You would have to watch it yourself to understand."
David had to restrain himself from asking more questions, if he continued like this then their would be no reason to watch the movie.
"So, you want to go watch it after school? I'll pay." David asked him, he was free from babysitting for tonight.
Nick lips spread into his mischievous smile "If you don't mind paying my girlfriends way too."
David was shocked, Nick having a girlfriend, just crazy. Nick was his only friend and he was sure he was his only one two. Nick was a thin pale nerd, that could communicate with machines better then people. While David simply just tried to keep to himself and disliked big groups of people, he wasn't bad looking. He had an athletic body from his tae-kwon-do classes with copper eyes and black hair. The only reason Nick and David were friends was because they knew each other since they were in elementary school when David protected him from some bully he forgot the name of.
"Okay, but I won't pay for your food or anything. Besides, I want to see what she looks like." David had no doubt it would be some shy nervous girl.
"Oh, I think you will be surprised." Nick replied, smiling again.
The rest of the day went on as usual, David shuffled from class to class just doing the minimal work necessary to pass. David view on middle school was that no one would look at it in the future so why should it matter what he makes? When he gets to high school on the other hand he will work his butt off, he didn't really have a plan for after high school yet, but he could decide that later.
After school David found Nick in their usual meeting place under a tree near the west edge of the parking lot. Nothing was really special about the place, besides that no one else waited their, he had no idea why. He was surprised that Nick was alone, they decided they were going to the theater right after school. Since walking home after dark freaks Nick out.
"Hey Nick! Where is your girlfriend?" David asked when he was only a few meters away. Maybe he didn't have one after all.
"She will meet us their." Nick said as he checked his wristwatch.
"Speaking of which, we should go."
David and Nick didn't have must to talk about on the way their, David told Nick about how annoying his sister was yesterday when she wouldn't stop trying to climb onto tables and furniture. She is weird like that, despite being only 4 years old she loved climbing onto everything. She broke a lot of plates and other stuff that way. One time she even some how manage to climb on top of a kitchen cabinet, it took a step stool to get her down.
On the way to the theater they stopped at a small convenience store called Square Snacks. They were just their to buy something to drink, since it takes about an hour and a half to get to the theater from school and in this heat they needed to hydrate themselves.
David immediately went to get Lime tea from the freezer section. That was his favorite drink, it tasted good plus it was healthy. Heading to the counter to buy his drink David notices a girl with messy blonde hair and ragged hair enter the store and start looking around fanatically. Almost immediately her eyes snatch onto David and she mumbles something
"You are David Steel, correct?" Okay that is crazy, he could of sworn he never even saw this girl before.
"Ya, but..."
"No time, we gotta go. Now!" She rushes out, cutting him off.
"Hold on! I am not going anywhere until..."
She runs over to him and try to physically drag him away. David just rip his arm out of her grasp.
"If you don't want to die then you will listen to me!" She yells. Before David could say anything else she curses "Shit! it is here."
The next moment a huge two headed tiger crashed through the store window. David stunned by the sheer physique of the beast. Was slow in his reaction when the beast faced him and then charged at him. That snapped him back to reality and David, no longer stunned, instinctively grabbed the odd girl and drove over the counter.
David landed hard on his shoulder, but he ignored it and stood up to look over the counter. Ready to spring away. Little had changed, the beast was just getting up from where he ran into a shelf and the store clerk was running toward the doors.
As soon as the beast looked at the store clerk David knew what was gonna happen. David vaulted over the counter and ran toward the store clerk. It was too late the beast was already up and pouncing on him, in a instinct the store clerk was under the massage beast. Then to David horror the beast bit the store clerk head clear off.
"Come on!" The girl was already on his side pulling his arm.
"My friend is still here." Was all David could think to say, he felt numbed.
"It's after us!" The girl yelled, snapping him out of his trance.
David could see that the beast already devoured the upper body and it was fighting over the remains. He let the girl drag him, and found himself running through the emergency exit of the store.
"Where are we going!?" David asked as they ran through the convenience store parking lot.
"To a nearby pool, I need a large area of water."
Their was only one pool that David knew she could be talking about, and right now it would be packed full. David didn't even want to think what would happen if that beast went wild in their.
"How big does it have to be?"
"Just big enough for two people to stand in." She replied. "Do you have another place in mind?"
He did in fact, his house. Right now his house would be empty since his dad took Jessica to his job and his mom would also be working.
"Follow me!" He said then took a right turn, avoiding traffic as he crossed the street. Looking back David could see that the beast was already catching up and fast, at this rate it would catch them before he could make it home. A few seconds later the beast ran out in front of a SUV and was knocked over.
"It is not dead, just stunned." The girl tells him as they take another turn.
David figured as much, but now they should have enough time. David ran onto his front porch and took out his keys, fumbled with them then unlocked the door. He didn't brother shutting the door, it wouldn't help and he didn't want to waste time. He ran through the living room, turned then ran up the stairs and into his bathroom. Then rushing to the tub he turned on the tub. He could already the sounds of the beast wrecking through his house to get to him.
"That is good enough!" She yelled then tossed a blue sphere into the water. A second later a clear doorway appeared over the tub that looked to be made of shimmering water.
Taking a deep breath the girl say "I, Elizabeth Danielle, bearer of the right of passage to the ways of water, ask you great sprite Azura to open the door to the Realm Abeore." Elizabeth let out a breath and the door open to reveal just a swirling mass of water.
“Am I suppose to go inside that?” David asked, it looked like an one way trip to a drowning.
“Well yes, or you could stay here an be eaten. Just to let you know, after I enter, the portal reverts back to water.”
“Wait! I'll go.” David yelled as Elizabeth took a step toward the door.
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Topic: I need some advice about my book. (Read 1810 times)