Episode 64: Wait, who's my opponent?
Do not let Sheograth know that you've discovered a way to permanently kill Daedra.
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"I'll be sure not to do that."
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"...umm...do what?":
"To let my pet circle out of the house more often. It doesn't get much excercise, what with having no legs or muscles or any way to move at all. But! More importantly, on with the game! Round one begins NOW!"#1 if Sheggy intended to make a hot dog pun with his hot dog bun,
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"So, first question: that thing you did with the hot dog bun earlier. Was it your intention to make a pun? Some sort of visual play on words?":
"No! It was a deliberate attempt to communicate something to you. Excellent start, I completely expected you to blow it on the first question. Well done."Is a hotdog still a hotdog if it's made of guar?
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"Keeping with the hot dog theme, how about this: is a hotdog still a hotdog if it's made of guar?":
"Yes, just like it's still a hot dog even if it's cold.":
"Huh. I guess that makes sense.":
"No, it doesn't make any sense at all. That's what I love about hot dogs. That, and the way they bark."He pulls another hot dog out of his coat and proceeds to stick the entire thing up his nose.
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"Ahh, have you ever wondered if a hot dog slides up my nose where no one else can see it, if it makes a slurping noise? It does! And that sound smells so delicious! Synaesthesia for the win. Next question?"Have you stopped beating your wife?
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"Have you stopped beating your wife?":
"No, I have not stopped beating my wife! And not once has anyone who is my wife ever asked me to! That's three in a row! Next question."what's the goal here? Are we trying to amuse him? Softball him? Make the questions interesting
enough as yes/no that he doesn't feel the need to extrapolate to make them interesting?
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"None of those questions are yes or no questions. You lose the first round. Pity. You were doing so well.":
"What questions? I didn't ask any questions.":
"Yes, you did. You just don't realize it.":
"But, I didn't!"On the easy side, since he's not obligated to answer any of our questions properly, unless he cuts out his tongue he 'can' answer any of our questions with "yes or no". Even if he chooses not to, he totally could have, so they'd count. (For example: Sheogarath answering "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?" with "Yes or no" is a possibility, so that question would count as asking one in which he can answer that way.)
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"Ahh, well since you thought of that I suppose I won't do it.:
"Who are you talking to? I didn't say any-":
"Which is really a shame for you, since if I had done that then every question could have been answered with a yes or no and you'd have won. Oh, well. Makes no difference to me. Now beginning round two!"Maybe ask him if he can hear YOUR voices.
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"Can you hear the voices in my head?":
"Yes, and they smell great!"Sheogorath throws his arms up in the air and cheers, shouting out loud:
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"Michael opens with a great question out the gate for round two, and he scores! Can he recover from his abysmal failure of a first round! Stay tuned to see! Next question?":
"So if you can hear my voices, then what's-"Sheogorath looks on eagerly.
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"...yeeeessss?"Michael stops himself.
Am I insane?
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"Since you know I hear voices, and since apparently you can hear them too...and you're the Prince of Madness, I guess I should ask: am I insane?"Sheogorath sighs
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"Sadly, no. You're thoroughly outsane. And I suspect you'll still be out when I'm done with you. It's depressing, really. Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?":
"Umm...sorry?":
"Can't be answered with a yes or no. You lose round two!":
"But that wasn't a question!":
"Then why'd you end it with a question mark?":
"...what? What question mark?":
"Since we're between rounds, I'll let that slide.":
"What are you even talking about? We're talking. There are no question marks.":
"Now beginning round three!"ask Sheo if there's any way for you to hide your thoughts from him
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"Is there any way I can-":
"No. Excellent! That's seven questions for you. If you'd managed to get all of them in the same round you'd still be losing, but at least I could be proud of you for cheating!"Nevermind. Pray to Sheogorath to help you defeat Sheogorath.
pray to Sheogorath to help grant us victory
We'll just have to hope... And pray to Sheogorath.
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"Sheogorath...would you...umm, help me win?":
"Yes! That's two in a row. Maybe you're not as bad at this as I thought.":
"So, you will help me win?":
"I'm going to disqualify that question. You've already asked it. Asking the same question twenty times might be a good strategy, but it would be terribly boring and I won't have that. Ask something else."#3 if he has accepted Eris Jesus Christ as his personal lord and saviour yet,
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"Have you accepted Eris or Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?":
"Oh, boolean logic question? Wasn't expecting that. Good show. No, I have not accepted Eris OR Jesus Christ as my personal lord AND savior."As you watch, Sheogorath transforms into a slender, dark haired woman in a plain purple dress.
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"Curiously the answer is the same even if that was an exclusive or.":
"...Eris?":
"Yes. And that's four correct in a row. One more to win the third round."For a moment, Michael is speechless.
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"You're a shapeshifter?"She smiles kindly at you with an almost motherly gaze.
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"Yes. That's five in a row, which means you win the third round. Well done.
: "Who are you?"
: "Careful, the next round will be starting soon."
what would be the point of the competition if not to give us an opportunity to seek some truths?
If the point is just to survive to 20 rounds without asking the wrong sort of question if seems like a lost opportunity.
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"I'm starting to think we wasted our questions. You don't seem so bad."You watch as the woman before you lifts her feet off the ground and transforms into a horrific creature of spikes and scales with eyes and mouths across what passes as arms, legs and torso...and possibly some other parts you're unsure of.
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"You would be wise to fear Me, mortal. Far greater powers than you have met their fate at My hand. The forces of man and machine, both young and eldar races alike. Entire worlds have fallen before Me, civilizations slaughtered, species corrupted and destroyed in My name, all mere pawns in the Great Game far beyond mortal ken."Michael is overcome with awe at the terrible visage before him.
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"...but, you said you would help me?"The creature again becomes the woman.
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"Yes.":
"Why?":
"Because you asked."She shifts into the form of a man.
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"Also, because it's hilarious. You really have no clue what's going on here, do you?":
"I know a little. I know ponies are involved somehow."He laughs.
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"Sure, so your favorite little mascots are involved 'somehow,' and that's what this is all about, is that it? Ponies? You really believe that? Look, I know you've got the whole brony thing going on, but if you don't open your mind a little you may end up spending forever going nowhere."His expression sours.
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"Ponies are overrated anyway. Speaking of, if you're ever asked to turn into one, don't do it. Do you have any idea how much it hurts having eight legs kicking you all at once? No, I suppose you don't. The final round begins now.":
"But I still have questions to ask."His clothes and face change once again.
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"So ask them."He glances at the horizon.
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"And hurry. We don't have much time.":
"Why don't we-"Sheogorath leans in and smiles.
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"...no, never mind that. I'll ask my questions."He shrugs.
Level 9
Health: N/A
Armor rating: N/A
Magicka 73/73
44.4 Intelligence (40)
42.0 Willpower (40)
45.2 Personality (40)
? Luck (50)
What do you do?
Author
Topic: Marooned in Morrowind (FINISHED) (Read 434677 times)