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[IronyOwl]

2) Skill improvements. LB or Michael himself might have something to say, but since Michael gets no benefit out of skill books, but he does from Trainer training, would it be of any use if us forumites were able to give him any suggestions on skills? I personally was a longsword trainer (long blades), and crafted and wore mail (medium armor) and shield (block). I'd have more than passing familiarity with marksman, spear, axe and heavy armor. I assume anything I could teach him was already covered in his Legion training. But consider the skills in which he has no points - surely someone could talk him through sneaking, or marksman, or axe. Enough for a point or two would be something. And if he does have specific questions about skills that us 'trainers' could assist in, please ask.

Interesting notion.

3) Speaking of above, with Michael stocking up on daggers, but assuming archery is right out (the weapons are too heavy, michael might be too weak to draw properly or otherwise too expensive), he could consider leading an easy combat with a thrown dagger or two. He'll suck at the start but if he sticks to fights he an Draben can win, they'll always recover the weapon, and they are cheap anyway. Throw your blunt ones first and combat with a sharp one. It'll teach your agility (speed?) no less than our acrobatics is, and wont waste any time.

I get the feeling these aren't built for throwing and thus won't really work when used as such, but it should be relatively easy to test. Well, the overt "this seems to not work" part will be. Whether or not we learn anything from the experience might be subtler.

5) Get your dirty clothes and bags washed so they're not so crunchy, and stash any excess weight at Drabens, like clothes you aren't wearing anymore (tshirt excepted). If he's getting a good deal on alchemy ingredients, should we consider selling some?

I'm not sure he'd appreciate being used as a storage shed, and we are selling alchemy ingredients. Or more specifically, having Draren sell alchemy ingredients and then taking half the profits.

If you mean should we make a habit of it elsewhere when we're on our own, good question. I'd like to keep a stock for if and when we begin to raise our alchemy, but let's be honest here- that is a long way off.

Consider offering Draren some training in alchemy if he helps us pay for alchemy equipment. He can even keep it as his house for a while. This can be done before or after the plantation visit. Personally I'm in favor of doing it before but if Draren doesn't actually have enough money then maybe later.

Also he might get some interesting alchemy ingredient effects.

Several problems here. One, he probably doesn't have much money. Two, what makes you think Michael knows more about alchemy than he does? Three, what's he going to do with more alchemy knowledge if all he's doing with it is harvest mushrooms?

Seeing if he wants to become BFF alchemy buddies who make potions where it increases their profit margin might have more potential, but this seems a bit early for that. We know he's thrilled at the chance to come harvest swamp flora and not sit in his house all day, but we don't know if he's interested in being that invested in us. Even if he had several hundred gold to drop, which I doubt, doing so in the hopes of us occasionally wandering back with a pack full of ingredients to investigate and then split with him seems like an awfully slow, risky investment.

So, our destruction skill is 15 - is that high enough that a decent destruction spell might actually prove useful against a cliff racer?

Or a ranged one - say, a lightening spell what with the most populous race on the island being fire resistant...

"Decent?" Not really, but "useful?" Quite possibly. Let me just fire up the ol' doppleganger...

Ooh. That's better than expected, actually. Bearing in mind that the spell formulae might not match:

55% chance of casting Firebite/Frostbite (6m, 15-30 damage on touch)
60% chance of casting a custom ten second fire or frost DoT (2m, 1 damage for 10 seconds on touch)
58% chance of casting a custom ranged ten second fire or frost DoT (4m, 1 damage for 10 seconds on target)
56% chance of casting a stronger fire or frost touch DoT (4m, 2 damage for 10 seconds on touch)
53% chance of casting a yet stronger fire or frost touch DoT (8m, 3 damage for 10 seconds on touch)

40% chance of casting a slow ranged cliff racer killer (18m, 3 damage for 15 seconds on target)
46% chance of casting a cliff racer killing DoT (13m, 5 damage for 10 seconds on touch)
38% chance of casting a ranged cliff racer killing DoT (20m, 5 damage for 10 seconds on target)
38% chance of casting a slightly quicker ranged cliff racer killing DoT (20m, 6 damage for 8 seconds on target)
35% chance of casting a much quicker ranged cliff racer killing DoT (22m, 10 damage for 5 seconds on target)

Recalling my earlier construction set results:

Alit: 30 HP, 1-9 damage, 30 Combat, 50/50/42 Str/Agi/Spd
Cliff Racer: 45 HP, 3-8 damage, 50 Combat, 50/50/255 Str/Agi/Spd
Kagouti: 45 HP, 4-12 damage, 50 Combat, 90/75/45 Str/Agi/Spd
Kwama Forager: 23 HP, 1-3 damage, 30 Combat, 30/20/5 Str/Agi/Spd
Mudcrab: 15 HP, 1-1 damage, 30 Combat, 15/15/6 Str/Agi/Spd
Nix Hound: 23 HP, 1-6 damage, 30 Combat, 50/50/28 Str/Agi/Spd
Rat: 23 HP, 1-2 damage, 30 Combat, 20/20/8 Str/Agi/Spd

The toughest non-diseased wild animals we're likely to face, assuming nothing altering them, have only 45 hp. We can totally be a semi-effective mage if we get the right custom spells.

Speaking of custom spells, there's obviously a bit of an optimization problem regarding their qualities. From the limited testing above, it seems that low-damage, high-duration spells have marginally higher casting rates and significantly lower mana costs than their quicker, more intense counterparts. Ranged spells are both more expensive and harder to cast than touch versions.

Element-wise, fire and frost appear to cost the same. Shock is more expensive for some reason, so we should probably avoid it unless we have a specific use for it.


However, with only 50 gold at the moment, we're not going to be able to do this yet. We may be able to afford a basic destruction spell (he should know frostbite) from Arrille, but it'll probably cost us pretty much all of what we're currently got. Custom spells aren't that expensive, especially the weaker ones, but they'll probably still be a good 20 gold or so that we just don't have.

[WillowLuman]

Did you record how much any of those custom spells cost in gold?

Also, about the clothing thing: do our clothes get smelly from BO and general use? Michael doesn't need to eat or drink (yet can somehow urinate), so it's a fair question. If they do get smelly, though, I wouldn't wash them in the water around here. It's full of scum, mud, and salt.

[IronyOwl]

Did you record how much any of those custom spells cost in gold?

I sadly forgot.

A quick retest reveals:

1 damage for 10 seconds on touch: 20 gold
1 damage for 10 seconds on target: 30 gold
3 damage for 10 seconds on touch: 58 gold
3 damage for 10 seconds on target: 87 gold
5 damage for 10 seconds on touch: 97 gold
5 damage for 10 seconds on target: 145 gold

3 damage for 10 seconds on touch: 58 gold
3 damage for 10 seconds on target: 87 gold
6 damage for 5 seconds on touch: 63 gold
6 damage for 5 seconds on target: 95 gold

All using fire damage, the Balmora spellmaker, being part of the Mages Guild, and having Michael's Mercantile and at least roughly his Personality. And of course the assumption that spell formulas are identical in my version.

[Supercharazad]

Pretty sure shock's more expensive because less things are resistant to it.

[GlyphGryph]

I'm thinking that our goal to become *useful* as a mage should be a 3dmg 15second shock spell, target.

This will allow us to kite things, use obstacles, and essentially take down most anything while being more reliable than most of the other alternatives with less danger.

Shock damage means we should be set for not worrying about resistances for quite a while, which would be nice.

Combat-wise, I think that's a really good goal right now.

[WillowLuman]

Daedra are also weak to shock. However, if it's too expensive, Frost might be a better choice. Most animals don't have any resistance, so when thinking about what resistances, it all comes down to what we'll be fighting more of: people, or undead. Dunmer are the only people with natural fire resistance, but if we get into a fight with someone, by statistics it's most likely to be a dunmer. Most undead are resistant to or immune to frost, as are nords, but hardly anything else is. Really, it all comes down to whether we'll be raiding ancestor tombs or not.

[Mr. Strange]

Daedra are also weak to shock. However, if it's too expensive, Frost might be a better choice. Most animals don't have any resistance, so when thinking about what resistances, it all comes down to what we'll be fighting more of: people, or undead. Dunmer are the only people with natural fire resistance, but if we get into a fight with someone, by statistics it's most likely to be a dunmer. Most undead are resistant to or immune to frost, as are nords, but hardly anything else is. Really, it all comes down to whether we'll be raiding ancestor tombs or not.

You make it sound so tempting...

Shock is probably going to be usefull for longer even if we buy weaker spell now, but 1 dmg for 10 seconds isn't much. Maybe doing more damage quickly would be better as a backup spell in case of SHTF  (even touch spell would do if it ups the dmg enough) while Michael keeps grinding his melee most of the time?

[LordBucket]

(GM Comment: some attribute errors have crept into our character sheet over the past dozen episodes or so. Among other problems, I'd apparently incorrectly applied gains to the wrong stats. Numbers should be correct as of this episode.)

Episode 59: You're the Apple of my Lie

does Draren have any connections? Guild membership, people who need things done that we could do as a team, child-hood friends, that kind of thing?

: "So, Draren. tell me about yourself. Any friends? Any family?"

He seems saddened by the question.

: "Only my sister, Vivyne. Everyone else is either dead or left Vvardenfell years ago."

: "What about your sister? What does she do?"

: "She's a maid in the Dren household."

Explain to Draren that we need to go talk to someone near Dren Plantation. He's welcome to join us if he'd like,
but of course we wouldn't mind if he'd rather stay put. Then head to Pelagiad, ask around about the new construction.

: "Really? That's an interesting coincidence. I was actually planning on heading that way to meet someone. How'd you like to come with me? We could pick ingredients and keep each other alive on the way."

He perks up.

: "I'd be delighted. Usually I pay for transport when I visit, but the prospect of visiting my sister for a few days and coming out ahead for the trip...that would be wonderful."

: "Pay for transport how? There's no strider that goes there, and the nearest mage guild is Balmora."

: "Arille has a mark for Pelegiad. Some of his suppliers live there."

: "...so you-"

: "Pay him to take me with him. 25 gold. Then to get back I wait for a guard patrol to Balmora and take the silt strider back."

Consider offering Draren some training in alchemy if he helps us pay for alchemy equipment. He can even keep it as his house for a while.
This can be done before or after the plantation visit. Personally I'm in favor of doing it before but if Draren doesn't actually have enough money then maybe later.

: "Unrelated, Have you ever considered learning alchemy?"

: "Me? No. I never invested much time into learning magic when I was younger, and the way I grew up, if we ever needed potions for anything it was always easier just to send the servants to market. Now, I don't see much benefit to it. What would I use it for? And it would be an expensive hobby. The training alone would cost four, five hundred gold? Plus tools, so another couple hundred? That's six months worth of income for me."

: "I know some alchemy. I bet if we could get a full set of  tools I could teach you."

: "Ok, but why? What's the benefit? I pay my rent by selling raw ingredients. Training alchemy would mean giving up my income to make potions."

: "But if you got good you could sell the potions instead."

: "Could I? You say you're an alchmemist. Why aren't you making potions and selling them? We've collected and sold a good hundred gold worth of ingredients over the past few days."

: "...umm, well, I don't have tools."

: "Even if you did would you be able to make potions that would sell? I thought it took months or years worth of practice to make potions of high enough quality to be profitable."

: "Ok, but even if you couldn't sell them you could still use them."

: "Use them for what?"

: "...umm, well...for example if you could make restore magicka potions, then you could train magic faster."

He gives you a confused look.

: "So you're suggesting I invest hundreds of gold to buy alchemy tools, invest time and/or more gold to learn how to use them, give up at least months worth of income training with ingredients rather than selling them...and the payoff for this is not having to sleep for a couple hours to restore magicka?"

You decide to drop it. You've tried this 'give me money to buy alchemy tools and it will benefit you, honest!' angle a couple times now, and nobody's been stupid enough to take you up on it. If it doesn't make financial sense for you to pay for your own tools, then obviously it's not going to make financial sense to somebody else to buy them for you.

Speaking of potions, you really, really should remember to buy some panic potions and/or scrolls so that you don't die horribly like you almost have a couple times now because you keep forgetting to do that. Of course, right now you barely have the money to afford one. But it's nevertheless something you really something you should do something about. Because right now one cliff racer showing up at a bad time and you would be horribly, horribly dead. It's very strange that you keep forgetting about that no matter how many times you remind yourself to remember to do it, and despite the fact that you've very recently had two close calls where you almost either died or in one case almost got abducted by an Ascended Sleeper because of it.

Buy a scabbard/sheath for your viperblade and all daggers. From now on whenever you buy a weapon
you might need access to, you MUST wear it on your person in a way it can be drawn and used.

You tell Draren that you'll be back soon, then stop by Arille's and pay 2 gold for a pair of scabbards for your extra daggers. While you glance over his inventory of healing potions and divine intervention scrolls you vaguely remember there was something you wanted to remember to buy. If there were a god in heaven, and if he were a kind god, surely he would remind you about whatever it was. Of course, if he did remind you again and again and you nevertheless kept ignoring and forgetting about it, presumably it would be entirely your fault for continually neglecting and forgetting about-

Oh! Is that a shiny gold coin on the ground? What good fortune! Somebody must have dropped it. You happily pick up the gold coin and continue on your way.

Gained one gold

On your way back to Draren's house, you chat with the voices.

-You remember just before you fell into Morrowind, you thought you heard a mumbling voice? Did that by any chance sound like the voice of the Balmora Butcher? Because to us it sounded like a very quiet version of the voice of the Balmora Butcher. Bear in mind that we have a different perspective than you.

-For that matter, did either of them sound like Luna? I'm sure you're familiar with her voice.

-You said you were a Taurus. Given that you failed to remember any other portion of your past save eventually your name, that seems significant.

-Nalcarya said the first urination of the day makes for more potent potions. MAN did I have a field day with that, wondering what constituted a day and whether that was mechanically true and if you could use other peoples' pee and what happened if you did and so on. Oh, and wondering if there's still a four-ingredient limit to potions, since the equipment's easily big enough for multiple batches at once.

-Ra'Virr sold you a steel tanto for 10 gold coins when your Mercantile was 2 (it's currently 13). Their base price is 28. I suspect he may have felt sorry for you or something. We might want to talk to him again at some point.

-Related, remember that one time you were butchered like a pig by a ruthless crime lord with an axe? The first time you bought the above dagger, you mentioned seeming to remember them costing more. Upon "respawning," you mentioned remembering them costing about that much. So apparently even though you don't remember the actual events, some information does carry over. Good to know, right?

: "Thanks for the update. As for the voices you mentioned, I don't really remember what the mumbling voice I heard before I got here sounded like. That it was female is all I really remember. As for the Balmora Butcher sounding like Princess Luna...no, not at all. I know what Luna sounds like. Twilight, Dash, the others...I'd recognize any of their voices. Hell, I can name most of their voice actresses. If anybody here sounded like the characters from the show, I'd have noticed right away. When I think of Awesomicus talking, yeah I can see how his speech patterns match Rainbow Dash. Who seriously calls people 'egghead?' But the voices themselves are totally different. Awesomicus is an orc, and he definitely sounds like one."

about the clothing thing: do our clothes get smelly from BO and general use? Michael doesn't need to eat or drink (yet can somehow urinate), so it's a fair question.

Michael frowns.

: "Yeah, that's kind of a funny thing. My clothes don't smell. At least I don't think they do. Only time I've 'washed' since I've been here is when I swam to Tel Fyr. Which is kind of a funny thing too, because my clothes and everything in my bag got wet. Even my alchemy ingredients got soaked, but I haven't noticed anything rotting."

Michael opens his back and pulls out various plant and animal parts and pokes and smells them.

: "These are bits of meat and things that have been in my bag for months...wet, even...and yet there's no visible mold and they still smell fresh. I'd be tempted to guess that decomposition doesn't happen here, except we know that it does because alchemy depends on it. That's what the putrefaction step is. And remember, Nalcarya specifically stated that microscopic bacteria exist here. She said she knew about them because of 'finely attuned detect life' spells."

"Another thing, remember back in Legion training? I'd been wandering around for days with holes in my legs from fighting rats, but those wounds never became infected. Again, I'd be tempted to suggest that bacteria just don't exist here, but if so then what are diseases? Diseases and blight diseases are a thing here. Remember Uupse Fyr in the corprusarium screened me for disease, and she insisted that corprus isn't contagious...whereas she said that vampirism and lycanthropy were."

"So I don't have a good answer, but clearly something weird is going on there."

You head back to Draren's house.

I support heading to Dren Plantation

I'm in favor of heading to Dren Plantation.

Find "Applejack" at Dren plantation.

The two of you set out east out of Seyda Neen, past the silt strider and towards Pelagiad. The trip is uneventful, except for Draren's regular stops to pick ingredients. You vaguely remember there being a bandit somewhere along this route and a tomb somewhere, but sticking to the road you find neither. Draren seems as surprised as you at the lack of angry fauna, but neither of you complain about it. You do at least manage to get in some magic practice along the way.

Destruction skill is now 19



It's early afternoon by the time you arrive at the Dren plantation. Fortunately Draren knew the way. You'd never have found it otherwise. The plantation is comprised of a number of fields and farmhouses around a central fortified wall surrounding a number of slave shacks and two large manor houses. Draren explains that all the land and every building belong to Duke Dren, and that the farmhouses are complimentary living quarters for his farm staff. Most of them are not paid in gold, but rather they work the fields in exchange for a place to live, protection of the guards, and a small portion of the food they grow, which they are free to eat or sell as they please.

: "So they don't get paid for their work? How is that better than being a slave?"

: "They're free to leave. The slaves aren't."

: "Isn't that still a bad arrangement? How do they get ahead?"

: "Ahead of what?"

: "Ahead...in life?"

Draren is perplexed by the question.

: "They're safe, they're taken care of, they have a place to sleep out of the rain. It's a good arrangement. If they want money they can sell their portion of the crop, and if the harvest is bad they lose nothing. It's a good arrangement. Better than mine, certainly. I work for my roof just as they do, but if I'm unable to find reagents in the swamps and jungles I lose everything, and until I met you I had no guard"

: "I suppose."

You and Draren agree to meet up again...at some point. He'll most likely be staying as a guest for a few days then work his way back to Seyda Neen, where he'll hold onto your half of the gold from your reagent pickings until he next sees you. You wish each other well and wave goodbye.

Now, time to find this stronghold.

: "Excuse me, guard?"

It says something about the Duke that he has guards wearing full suits of dwemer armor.

: "What is it, outlander?"

: "I'm looking for the new stronghold in this area."

: "What new stronghold?"

: "I was told there was a new stronghold in this area. Either newly finished or under construction. This is the Dren Plantation, isn't it?"

: "Yes, this is Duke Dren's estate. I know of no stronghold in this area besides this one. The closest would be Marandas to the northeast, but that fortress is countless centuries old."

Hmm. Caius did say it was a rumor. Did you come all the way out here for nothing? Maybe he's simply uninformed? It was supposed to be near Lake Amaya, so you ask the guard for its direction and start walking that way, passing many farmhouses and asking the occasional farmer and guard if they know of any new construction.

That's when you see her.



You could almost swear that's a girl wearing a stetson cowboy hat. Curious, you approach.














Blonde hair, ponytail, cowboy boots...and the iconic hat. The only way this could be more obvious is if she had a cutie mark.

: "Applejack?"

She seems surprised to hear the name, but quickly smiles on seeing you.

: "Howdy, pardner."

That voice...it's definitely Applejack. She grasps your hand and eagerly shakes it, leaving a layer of cold sticky sweat on your hand. You discretely wipe it off on your armor when she isn't looking.

: "It's good to meet you at last."

: "Well, shucks. Ahm flattered. How'd ya like an apple?"

She offers you an apple with a smile so wide her canines show. You resist the urge to facepalm. She's offering you apples? Seriously? Could she possibly be any more cliche?

: "No, thanks. I'm here to talk to you."

She chitters with amusement.

: "Really? Ya came all this way just ta talk with lil ol' me?"

: "Yes. You see, I wanted to ask-"

: "Ifits all the same to you, pardner, it'd help me a lot if you'd say it. All out loud, like."

: "Say what?"

: "That you was lookin' fer me and that ya wanted to talk with me."

: "Umm...I was looking for you and wanted to talk with you?"

She smiles again, this time with a grin so wide you can't see her cheeks for her grin in the way.

: "Well, ahm rightly honored! Here's an apple on the house!"

Still with the apples?

: "Look, can we just talk?"

: "Well, course we can! I sure like talkin'. A nice bite o' juicy apple sure would be a relaxin' way to wet yer palate fer talkin' though."

To your annoyance she offers you the apple yet again. You shake your head and try to figure out how to broach the topic of your situation to her.

: "There's so much to explain I don't really know where to start. I arrived in Morrowind a few months ago, and I...well, at first I thought I might be the Nerevarine, but then I started to notice you and your friends-"

: "Well, ahh can't rightly say I know much about that. But if ya want a nice juicy apple, I'm yer gal."

: "NO! I DON'T WANT AN APPLE!"

You regret it the moment you say it. You didn't mean to snap at her, you just don't want the apple and it's making you angry that she keeps offering. She takes your outburst in stride though.

: "Well shucks, pardner. Ya sure do seem mad 'bout somethin'. Why doncha just show me what's on yer mind?"

You sigh. Applejack looks at you kindly, blinking with both her inner and outer eyelids as she gazes into your eyes with curiosity that borders on hunger. Seeing her up close looking into your eyes and feeling her cold breath on your chest reassures you tremendously. She is the Element of Honesty, right? Maybe you should just tell her the truth.

I'm not a fan of the pony theory

it would be disappointing if the theory was true

vehement objection to the pony theory

: "I'm sorry. I came to talk to you about your friends, and why you're all in Morrowind. Clover the Clever is Twilight, right? And Awesomicus is Rainbow Dash? I know that now. I've accepted it. Finding you here and knowing that you're really Applejack confirms it. But, I'm sorry...I was kind of hoping I wouldn't."

: "Yer lookin' fer something ya didn't wanna find? That there's the route to madness, if ya ask me. Sure ya don' want an apple?"

Maybe if you just take it she'll shut up about it,

: "Alright. I'll take an apple."

She hands you the apple and you take it, one of her suckers lightly sticking to your hand as she pulls her tentacle away.

: "There ya go! Most deliciousist apple you'll ever eat in all yer born days, ahm sure."

You glance down at it. Unexpectedly it's not a red apple. Looks like a golden delicious. You turn it over and see that there's something written on it. But the letters are too small to make out right away.

: "What does this writing say?"

: "Couldn't tell ya pardner.  Never did no formal schoolin' so it's all greek ta me."

You hold up the apple and squint at the letters. The script is very small, but it seems to say 'for the most curious.'

: "It says 'for the most curious.' What does that mean?"

When she doesn't answer you look up and see that she's gone. You glance around, but there's no sign of her anywhere. You also notice something that seems a bit odd in retrospect.

There are several planted fields, but there are no trees anywhere.



You look out across the horizon, watching as the sun dips below it. You hear your stomach grumble and realize with a start that you're hungry. That's strange. Since you arrived you haven't ever felt hungry or sleepy before.

The apple really does look delicious.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Level 9
Health 61/61
Magicka 7/73
Armor rating: 6

Spoiler: Attributes (click to show/hide)

28.4 Strength (20)
35.4 Speed (30)
43.3 Agility (30)
38.5 Endurance (30)
44.3 Intelligence (40)
41.9 Willpower (40)
45.2 Personality (40)
58.0 Luck (50)

Spoiler: skills (click to show/hide)

Numbers in parenthesis are starting values
34 Acrobatics (0)
24 Athletics (5)
 8 Armorer (0)

33 Light armor (0)
14 Block (0)
 9 Unarmored (0)
 7 Heavy Armor (0)
 5 Medium Armor (0)

18 Shortblade
12 Hand to Hand
 8 Spear
 5 Blunt Weapon
 5 Longblade

19 Destruction (0)
 7 Alchemy (0)
 5 Enchanting (0)

23 Speechcraft (10)
13 Mercantile (0)

Spoiler: Equipped (click to show/hide)

 * Golden apple
 * Chitin shield (damaged)

 * Chitin left + right gauntlets (damaged)
 * Chitin greaves (damaged)
 * Chitin cuirass (damaged)
 * Chitin left + right pauldrons (damaged)
 * Chitin boots (damaged)

 * Combat belt
  * Iron dagger (guarskin sheathe)
  * Iron dagger (guarskin sheathe)
  * Cruel Viperblade (guarskin sheathe)
 * Commoner's shirt
 * Commoner's pants
 * Interior coinpurse, containing:
   * 51 gold
   * lockpick
   * 1 potion of water walking

Backpack (Worn)
Main compartment:
 * Dwemer Puzzle Box
 * small leather pouch
 * Tennis shoes
 * Yellow water-damaged notepad with 54 pages left
 * 1 pen
 * "20% cooler" Rainbow Dash t-shirt (crunchy from having dried poorly)
 * Denim pants (crunchy from having dried poorly)
 * wallet with picture ID and $30 in cash
 * 2 lesser soulgems (empty)
 * 29 Whickwheat
Small compartment
 * 9 empty bottle
 * 2 Ampoule Pod
 * 1 Black Anther
 * 7 bungler's bane
 * 5 Chokeweed
 * 3 Corkbulb
 * 25 Heather
 * 3 hypha facia
 * 11 luminous russula
 * 4 Racer Plume
 * 8 saltrice
 * 2 Stoneflower petals
 * 5 spore pod
 * 6 violet coprinus

Spoiler: Faction standings (click to show/hide)

Bearer of Azura's Mark
Bearer of 'scholarly acquaintance of Divayth Fyr' mark
Imperial Legion, Recruit
Fighter's Guild, Associate (1 quest completed)
Mage Guild, Associate
Registered Sadrith Mora business visa, with slave-handling endorsement

Spoiler: Spells known (click to show/hide)

Fleabite (cost:1) (Damage fatigue 1-10 on touch)

Spoiler: Alchemy Knowledge (click to show/hide)

Alit Hide [1]Resist Poison
Ash yam [1]Restore personality
Ampoule Pod   [1]Restore speed
Black Anther   [1]Resist poison
Black lichen [1]Drain Health
Bread      [1]Restore Fatigue
Bungler's Bane   [1]Drain agility
Chokeweed   [1]Drain health
Coda Flower   [1]Restore luck
Comberry   [1]Drain health
Corkbulb Root   [1]Restore luck
Crab Meat   [1]Restore fatigue
Gravedust   [1]Burden
Green Lichen   [1]Night Eye
Heather      [1]Poison
Hound Meat [1]Poison
Hypha facia   [1]Drain speed
Kresh fiber [1]Cure common disease
Kwama cuttle   [1]Restore health
Large kwama egg [1]Restore fatigue
Luminous russ.   [1]Paralysis
Marshmerrow   [1]Resist common disease
Muck      [1]Poison
Racer plume [1]Levitate
Rat meat   [1]Poison
Roobrush   [1]Restore intelligence
Saltrice   [1]Restore endurance
Scale      [1]Swift swim
Scathecraw   [1]Paralyze
Spore pod   [1]Paralysis
Stoneflower petal [1]Fortify health
Sm. Kwama Egg   [1]Restore Fatigue
Violet coprinus   [1]Water Walking
Whickwheat [1]Cure paralysis
Willow Anther   [1]Water Breathing

What do you do?

[catenate]

Buy a panic potion and/or divine intervention scroll,
as soon as we get a chance.

Um, since when does Applejack have slimy TENTACLES?
And inner and outer eyelids and cold breath.
I'm really unsure eating the apple is a good idea.
Did an ascended sleeper just cast illusion on Michael,
showing him the cliche he expected to see?

Can we get a detect magic cast on the apple before we eat it?

[gman8181]

Applejack looks at you kindly, blinking with both her inner and outer eyelids as she gazes into your eyes with curiosity that borders on hunger

route to madness, if ya ask me.

one of her suckers lightly sticking to your hand as she pulls her tentacle away.

Something about her just seems very trustworthy and honest. I think we should eat the apple.

The apple really does look delicious

Delicious Michael? Or GOLDEN DELICIOUS AHAHAHAHA!

Also what's the meaning behind that single coin we found lying around? Seems suspicious, we might want to investigate that.

[hostergaard]

Uh, apples aren't in the morrowind game and you are feeling hunger which aren't there either.

[WillowLuman]

I have the strangest feeling that this is not who we think it is.

Something is very, very wrong.

Michael, your tactile details about this person do not match up AT ALL with her appearance. Proceed with caution.

EDIT: Apples do exist in TES, so that's not completely anomalous. It's possible it's imported, or grown from an imported seedling. Still, I'd be pretty suspicious of that apple.

[GlyphGryph]

Do not eat the trap. Break free from illusion! WAKE UP!

[Dermonster]

*Squints*

Hermaeus Mora?

[WillowLuman]

*Squints*

Hermaeus Mora?

Holy shit. That's perhaps the most likely possibility of all. Divayth Fyr said Daedric Princes can read people's minds at a glance. If one of them had a look at us on the way in, then they'd probably know about all the outlandish things we do, and for whatever reason could use them to mess with us. Of course, in Skyrim Hermaeus Mora (and presumably any other Prince) has to trick people or convince them to give up their knowledge rather than just reading their mind for it, so that might be hole, but then again things are different in this version. If this is what's happening, though, the question becomes "Which Prince is fucking with us?"