By way of metaphor...let's look at murder. Murder is not any instance of "killing someone." Murder requires premeditation and intent. If someone assaults you and you kill them in the process of halting the attack, that is non-criminal or justifiable homicide. It is not murder. If a state kills someone for violating its laws, that is execution, not murder. If your car slide onto the sidewalk and takes out a pedestrian, that's an accident, not murder. If you're a criminal robbing a bank, tie up hostages and accidentally choke them to death with the ropes, that is manslaughter, not murder.
None of the people who were killed in these examples were willing participants. None of them wanted to die. Nevertheless, none of them were murdered. Murder is a very specific thing. So is rape. Calling every instance of sex where one party feels uncomfortable about it or is at a disadvantage in some way "rape" is simply not accurate.
This is a really bad analogy, because you are attempting to compare apples to oranges and hoping nobody notices. Each of these examples can be easily knocked out.
1. "If someone assaults you and you kill them in the process of halting the attack, that is non-criminal or justifiable homicide."
Ok, I agree - in some cases you may have to perform an act that would normally be criminal against a guilty party to prevent a crime. Only we aren't talking about cases of rape in which it's self-defence (if that were possible).
2. "It is not murder. If a state kills someone for violating its laws, that is execution, not murder."
Sure - it's been specifically listed as "not murder" by the state. But we aren't talking about an act sanctioned specifically by the state's laws.
3. "If your car slide onto the sidewalk and takes out a pedestrian, that's an accident, not murder."
Yeah - intent is required for most serious crimes. But we aren't talking about cases of accidental rape, are we
4. "If you're a criminal robbing a bank, tie up hostages and accidentally choke them to death with the ropes, that is manslaughter, not murder."
Same as previously. Only I think some jurisdictions might list this one as murder.
Just like how murder requires premeditation and intent, rape requires coercion.
Yes. And using your position of power to make an offer somebody can't refuse is a recognized form of coercion.
If someone if bribed into sex, but there is no coercion, that is not rape. If someone if manipulated into sex but there is no coercion, that is not rape. If someone feels personally obligated to commit a sex act that they don't want, but there is no coercion, that is not rape.
To the first, sure.
To the second, manipulation is a form of coercion so what you're suggesting is contradictory.
To the third, it depends whether the "personal obligation" was created by an act of coercion