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[freeformschooler]

You are now Nicholas Cage.

[Ochita]

check for national treasures, make list of those you dont have.

[TCM]

Acquire Chocolate Cake.

[applesauce machine]

Check for infestations of airborne insects.

[Bdthemag]

Escape the clutches of the North Korean government.

[Remuthra]

Acquire Chocolate Cake.

+1.

[Gamerboy4life]

Get a flaming motorcycle.

[Gatleos]

Audition for a role as Superman in an upcoming reboot.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[freeformschooler]

check for national treasures, make list of those you dont have.

You have acquired many National Treasures over the years. This grandiose list includes the Declaration of Independence, a single Gold Brick you took from the City of Gold miles under an old church, Abraham Lincoln's Top Hat and Theodore Roosevelt's Miraculously Still-operational Pistol. A man once questioned you on the ethics of hording priceless historical memorabilia. That man was later found wearing a large helmet twenty yards from a Mr. Pete's in Idaho, his face covered in discarded hornet asses.

However, there is still one Treasure you have long coveted: the National Wicker Rider Con/Off Grand Prize. No one truly knows what exactly the Grand Prize is, only that you need to be a master of Wicker-riding and Con-offs to attain it. Luckily for you, the next National Wicker Rider Con/Off Grand Prize is coming up in just three days, and you've been training for it all year.

Acquire Chocolate Cake.

+1.

You enter your kitchen hoping to find some delicious chocolate cake. However, you're interrupted by an instant message. It looks like your BEST FRIEND is trying to get in contact with you.

[Remuthra]

Open overcomplicated UI and navigate to the Message Pigeon Roost.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Check Messages.

Wonder why the counters are so high.

[Xantalos]

Check messages.

Thank you ffs
thank you

[freeformschooler]

Open overcomplicated UI and navigate to the Message Pigeon Roost.

You open MESSAGE PIGEON. It looks like captain_j, your old friend, is messaging you. You always have to be careful with captain_j. He doesn't merely pretend to be a pirate like normal manchildren. No, he thinks he's the goddamn Blackbeard.

captain_j: A storm is brewing, and the clouds are low tonight - so low I could slice them up for dinner.
captain_j: Squawky is squawking: "Cage is a dumbass! Cage is a dumbass! SQUAWK!"
st_nick: man none of what you just said is a real thing
st_nick: im gonna do this no matter what your made up parrot says
st_nick: this year im gonna win
captain_j: Mate, mate, mate. A knife fight with Captain Jack Sparrow is a straight shot to Davy Jones' Locker.
st_nick: wait theres a knife fight?? oh god
captain_j: No. Forget I said there was a knife fight.
st_nick: okay i have irritable bowels i dont think a knife fight would treat me well
captain_j: You'll jump ship long before the knife fight. Don't you worry your pretty face.
st_nick: wait werent all your fights choreographed
st_nick: im pretty sure youd be rotten lunchmeat if they werent
captain_j: How DARE you insinuate such a thing! Foolish Cage.
captain_j: My Cutlass Sharpener is booting up as we speak!
st_nick: booting up
captain_j: Warming up. It is warming up.
st_nick: okay
st_nick: im gonna go uh
st_nick: bye

You always have to play it careful with this guy.

Hmm... the competition's still days away. How are you gonna prepare? You could practice Wicker Riding with mmanson, he's always doing crazy stuff like that. Or you could try your hand at con/off-ing with 420dogg. Dude's really good at scamming people. On the other hand, you don't know if they're competing... training with them could show them your weaknesses. Maybe you could just go grab a couple of Cardiac Arrests with Amber like usual.

[Xantalos]

Don bear suit
Begin "investigations"* into other players' training

*Invstigations: Punching people in the face while dressed as a bear

[Furtuka]

Practice Knife Fighting just in case