Turn One Hundred and FourY.
Not long ago, just a couple of turns in fact, Gervedder gently places the collection of herbs in his inventory, feeling quite fortunate. Nothing bad could come of this, right?
Stealing a fellow herbalist's herbal collection?
"Is there any way I could earn a discount on any of your items, sir?"
”Oh, why, yes, sir, there certainly is... Me mother-in-law, you see... she's a right pain in the arse. She's got... a poorly foot. Oh yes. If you took care of her for me, well, I might certainly be stretched to make quite a generous discount for you...”Run toward a wealthy-looking storefront. Veer to the side at the last moment so the boulder smashes the store. Loot cash register and quickly depart.
Go back and collect flatfoot.
"Blimey!" shouts Tackov, at the onrushing evil boulder,
"Or even crikey!"He sprints as fast as he can towards
...the nearest solid gold underwear shop,
...leaps aside at the last moment, and gibbers with uncontrollable glee as the enormous malevolent rock smashes the shopfront, sending magical alarms ringing and onlookers fleeing. He wades in, grabbing high fashion solid gold string vests in one hand and platinum studded y fronts in the other, before rolling about on the floor in a pile of actual diamond g-strings.
...There's only so much he can physically carry, solid gold pants being quite heavy, and after a few moments of the best looting of his entire life he remembers his squashed foot, back on the highway into town. He runs back out of the shop just as a dozen town watchmen turn up.
...He does his best naked innocent one legged cripple impression and hobbles on past them to pick up his foot.
Loot Acquired: Tackov:
Solid Gold Lingerie!Go look for an axe shop. They've got those, right? Peruse fine selection of axes if possible.
...As the town watch approach, Gervedder starts looking innocently about, whistling, and suddenly notices the shop next to him, with a sign reading “Ye Fine Axes”. He walks right in as a constable of the law walks right by, and looks over the fine selection of what appear, indeed, to be rather fine axes.
Being quite an axe novice though, he's not entirely sure he can discern the subtle differences between models, or their intended purposes.
It is indeed fortunate that a fine axe saleswoman just happens to be working today.
”Can I help you, milud? After a fine axe, sir? What kind of axe would we like today?”Brandish <<pick>> at haggle of biddies.
I'm warning you old biddies, I've got ... this <<copper pick>> and I'm not afraid to use it!...Not very far away from his comrade wizard's ramraiding exploits, Bukkar is trying to threaten old women.
There's about 6 or 7 of them now though, and they're just not particularly impressed with his puny pick, and rather than tell him through the medium of actual telling, they decide to leap straight into a redoubled attack, and take turns smashing him about the ugly face, hopefully until he vomits himself unconscious and they kick him in the nads until they've had enough and strip his pockets clean.
...Unfortunately for them though, they're quite feeble, and none of the blows do worse than irritate Bukkar further.
"I guess it's all up to me. Messenger! We're...I'M...going to be sneaking inside the castle and confronting Lord Nirila. You don't have any bonuses to stealth so I'm not sure if you should come..."
As her comrades ran about carrying lingerie and being beaten by the elderly, Lady Foxglove decides to act. All she has to do, she realises, is wait a little... either until it becomes dark, until her idiot accomplices' actions are resolved, or until said idiots provide enough of a town-wide distraction for her to be able to sneak inside Nirila's castle and garrotte the little shit.
Wait, what is she thinking? She's more than ridiculously stealthy enough to probably sneak into the obnoxious Lord's pants in broad daylight, rip them off, and choke him to death with them – just as long as the creepy fiend has nothing up his sleeves.
Pfah, she thinks. It is obviously completely up to her, in any case. Nothing gained, nothing lost, and all that.
Nothin- eh?
Mission: Retrieve the Magical Mandolin Part
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 4 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +0 missile defence. +1 to future gut damage. -1 to melee. Naked! +1 left leg defence. -1 to feet.
Health: [HP: 65/65] |
Severed Guts! |
Magical Saucepan Leg |
Severed Foot!Abilities: Airfist I,
Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1,
Mouldy Wizard Hat, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 524 Green Farthings, 54 Yuros, Several heavy rocks,
Solid Gold Lingerie x 10, a squashed and severed foot (own).
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 4 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction except with rats. +1 to balancing. +1 to strength. Last in initiative rolls.
Health: [HP: 90/90] |
Giant Rat’s Tail! Mummy!Abilities: Competent Crossbow User,
Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow x2, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 211 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x1,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 0 Green Farthings.
Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 4 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 90/90]Abilities: Gauntlet,
Sprint of Fury,
Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 4 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 90/90]Abilities: Nonchalant Dodge,
Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: The Raven's Wingblade,
Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 4 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked! -1 to dodge 9 turns. Not +1 to missile defence until the barrel is fixed.
Health: [HP: 90/90] |
The Vomiting! |
Broken Guts |
Blessed By the Godses |
Stony FacelegthingAbilities: Whirlwind Rage I,
Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious
Class: Alchemical Flesh Mechanic
Status: Bedraggled!
Health: [HP: 90/90]Abilities: Construct Control I,
Craft Corpse Glue I,
Craft Alchemical Corpse Glue I,
Corpse Assimilation ,
Crawly HandsInventory: A dead kobold, clothes.
Name: Rattlefang’s DroneBongo of Vengeances
Class: Level 2 Shamanic Death Tambourine
Health: [HP: 35/35]Abilities: Two Legged Death Tambourine,
Incredibly Sharp Teeth
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 193183 times)