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[geronimo]

You say both physical and emotional abuse are two way things. Then you say that Abuse is not a two way thing. So what constitutes Abuse that is not a two way thing, that is not physical or emotional?

Big blunder, I fixed it....again....I was just tired I guess, thats what I meant to say, it does seem like I am backtracking but I said that on the previous page, so yes I am at fault for not rereading what I posted, my own bad, again an apology, now I see why you are confused, so yes hopefully with the edit you kind of get where I'm going here, but I don't blame you if you don't, because it was my own mistake, I apologize.

[geronimo]

The reason everyone is reacting so badly to the idea of "You need to sympathise with them"... is because that sort of attitude is pretty much exactly how perpetuate a cycle of abuse.

*Sigh* no it is not. And clearly is not. Understanding someone is not succumbing to their thoughts and actions, please just read what I posted, and tell me if you disagree with anything I wrote there in particular and I'll talk to you about that, but I just want you to know that I understand what you are saying but that is not the cause.

[geronimo]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Okay, riddle me this one:

Girl and I had been friends for years. 3 months after she broke up with her ex, we start hanging out more, and she admits to still stalking her ex, but claims to be interested in me. I keep my distance but we eventually end up fooling around (second base, for later reference). The next morning she calls her ex, from my place, in front of me, to tell him we had sex. The best I can come up with is, she either wanted to punish me for having issues, or she wanted to punish him using me and just didn't care that I knew I was being used.

Care to fix that with your empathy? Coz... well if you honestly try to justify treating someone like that, willfully, then I have nothing else for you.

ninja'd... Well.. he left. I'm... not really sad, but I'm leaving this up anyway. Zehive, don't let people do this to you, because that sure as hell sounds like what I went through and it took me more than a year to think I might be worth something better. You are worth something better. EVERYONE deserves to be treated better than that.

Edit: Upon reflection, I'm at least going to spoiler that. I feel kinda awkward having it be right there and the thread just... dying... and the awkward silence. I do mean what I say, and from what I can tell, it does seem to be a situation that needs distance, so I stand by what the rest of us have been saying.

No riddles involved, I am far too good at them for anyone to understand. Instead everything I tell you here is as it is.

I could answer you with the information you gave me alone, but you would not find it good enough to properly listen to what I am saying, so if I may dabble a bit more into your sore spot and ask a couple more questions. How close were you? how obvious was it that she still had something for her ex? What happened immediately afterwards? Did you love her? Do you still love her? What do you think of her right now?

I really hope this won't be too painful because, putting myself in your shoes, I can imagine it would. Also thanks for bringing up that story, I don't find it awkward at all and am impressed you could share such a story.

[Vector]

It's offensive because your narrative, that if you just understood you could go "fix" the person who abused you, is wrong.  And it's dangerous.

[zehive]

Hmmmm

[Scelly9]

Good job, dude. I hope it works out for you.

[Vector]

Class act, bro.  That's a great signoff.

[zehive]

I wonder what's for dinner

[Vector]

... So now it's time to block her on Facebook, too, buddy.

[zehive]

Lol ok

[Vector]

Well, I personally took four-hour walks, kept a diary, and decided I'd just let myself feel whatever I was going to feel.  Live a very jellyfish sort of life for a while, I guess.  Don't worry about anything in particular.  Just take care of yourself.

[Darkmere]

I apologize for that last post. Sleep deprivation and all that. Moving on...

@Zehive:
That was the hardest step to take, congratulations on doing it. Time to focus on you, now.

So how do I handle the emotional backlash from here on out? Because that'll be a problem Im going to have.

I second this:

a diary

Writing things down takes a massive jumble of ideas and puts boundaries around them, making abstract thoughts concrete and manageable. You've already done that a little bit; don't be afraid to keep doing so if it makes a big problem smaller and helps you put things in perspective.

Also, find (or reconnect with) something you love to do. I screamed along to angry music while driving on back roads... but watching your favorite movies or TV shows, playing a musical instrument, whatever will work.

[geronimo]

Good job Z

[zehive]

Ayaya

[Darkmere]

So what if she doesn't give a fuck? Then you'll wake up the day after and still be the same person you are now. And the morning after that, and the morning after that....

There's billions of people on the planet, hanging all this pent-up turmoil on just one is inefficient. Figure yourself out. Seriously.