(Oh,
come on... I wrote a long reply, and lost it all due to Server Gateway problems...
Thought I'd copied and pasted it, for protection against this, but ended up copying and pasting just the raw reply-quote text...)
Anti-stab vests would be almost ideal for time-travellers, if it weren't for the fact that they only cover one's torso.
I didn't make it as obvious as I'd meant, but that was what the "and more" meant. Sleeves, gloves, trouser-legs, shoe-covers,
abdominal/crotch cover, all stab-proof. Helmet is a given.
Hmmm... This sounds like a good plot for a schlock movie... A Police Officer who is for some reason clad in full riot gear is mysteriously transported back into the past...
(This is the bit I spent ages on, this time summarising.)I suggest:
Professor in a University campus lab, who annoys locals. Creates brown-outs during Superbowl (am assuming an American setting, "because Hollywood") or somesuch. Loads of people complaining, congregating outside the Research Labs, etc, it all starts kicking off.
Harasssed local Police Chief is ordered to send anti-riot squad.
One of the squad is college drop-out (perhaps studied History, but too much of a dreamer/nerd/disruptive student) who Sarge would never send on such a job except that either a) He's desperate for bodies or, b) there's so much commotion during the kitting-up that our eager Wannabee-Hero ends up sat in the riot van dressed in Urist McQuarterback's gear (Urist McQuarterback, the (literally) 'big guy' of the squad is either in the other van or was off-duty and sleepily ignored the call to arms... everybody likes Urist McQuarterback, the big (though "looks smaller in the midst of that riot gear"), brave, strong, silent type. Or at least knows that if they're going into trouble they want him on
their squad.
So, anyway, Prof blithely carries on with his power-draining experiments, while riot squads and rioters face off. A bad decision by the commander-of-the-day means Our Hero's squad falls back, breaks or is chased into the research building, though. Corridors and fun. Our Hero isolated from rest of squad, tries to find them (or escape rioters) and barges through a lab door.
Now showing Prof's lab, and he's just finished fiddling and hit some switches. Switch switching causes wibbley-wobbley-timey-wimey-thing to appear at other end of the lab, near the door. Which has just opened. <poof!>
At this point it's near-obligatory that Our Hero (possibly prompted towards this conclusion by loads and loads of Renaissance Fair posters and banners that I'd neglected to mention were planted around the town, but very much are being "Chekov's Signage", telegraphing the imminent scenes with "obvious plot-twist is obvious" inevitability. Cue anachronisms, confusion, the usual "comedy of errors" stuff that I don't like, but is pretty much expected. (Actively
encouraged in a comedic telling of the tale, but even expected in more serious examples of the genre.)
Anyhow, Our Hero (by now a.k.a Sir Arnold of Schwarzenegger, or some other dumb anachronism arising from the "If you're the King, then I'm..." moment, prior to full realisation of his new circumstances) gets down to the business of Being Involved. The guy with the Goatee Beard is almost certainly more Genre Savvy than his fellow time-locals and (whether or not he finds out The Secret) manages to engineer some "Nice Job Breaking It Hero" moments, further his diabolical plans to take over, blah-de-blah.
Perhaps it happens after Our Hero is stripped of his Miraculous Armour, and has to resort to something like a packet of chewing gum to achieve the impossible, but it
eventually comes to pass that The Day Is Saved. And now, The Day Being Saved, Our Hero is due a reward from the King, in the main banqueting hall. Just about to receive said award, Our Hero is engulfed in more Wibbley-Wobbley-Timey-Wimey stuff and vanishes....
...back to the lab, where Prof apologises and explains how he's spent
days trying to retrieve him. (Irrespective of how long
actually passed in History, as Narnia/Wardrobe-time could be invoked here, in either direction.) Alongside Prof is the Senator/Mayor/Secretary for the Department Of Defence or some other figure. It was the guy who harassed the police-chief into sending the riot squads in, mob-handed... although we probably only ever saw him in an over-the-shoulder shot, with a phone to his ear while he gave the appropriate orders. Which is convenient, because we (and Our Hero, who for whatever reason hadn't known this person by sight before now) can quite obviously see the family resemblance between the Senator/whoever and our old acquaintance, the King! Oh yes. Because in 500 to 1500 years, or so, and with the respective number of generations in-between then and now (and, if history serves to teach us anything, any number of undiscovered Cuckoldings to make the line of descendence somewhat disjointed from the line of genetic inheritence) it turns out that the King's son's son's son's <miss a few> son's son's
son looks almost
exactly like the King himself. Give or take a haircut (and the suit).
You see, Senator explains, there's been this family legend. About a Hero that helped the line prosper. And as things started clicking into place, the more recent descendants (who had kept, or revived, their ruling capabilities in the form of US politics, rather than medieval... "Kinging") had
just enough information to ensure that the events that Our Hero had eventually informed their ancestor about came to pass, for your classic self-sustaining time-loop, so as to ensure that the events unfurled just so...
As a bonus to the plot, Senator is accompanied by Aide. Aide looks
very like Goatee Beard. Even even has the goatee beard. Now, depending on whether (by the climax of the historic action) Original Goatee Beard had been shown the errors of his ways, or was last seen being banished, running away or falling into the moat and/or sewer drain of the castle, the expressions on Our Hero's face and New Goatee Beard's face at this point might be different, and generally revealing. (Perhaps it would hint as to whether New Goatee Beard has family legends of his own, or was privvy to Senator's versions... and what he thought about this.)
For an
emotional bonus... I'd not mentioned The Hand Of The Princess. You see, I thought it cruel that just before Our Hero's timey-wimey return he may have been about to marry The Princess, thus separating True Love. But one way of it working the way I see it is... Princess had a Suitor (either Princess or Suitor being the offspring of the King, their impending marriage being the reason for them both being on the scene), but then the Hero arrives there. Maybe Princess already liked the look of the weird and weirdly-behaving Hero, when he first arrived, or maybe it took a bit of time (but Hero quite liked the look of Princess, from the start!). If Suitor was
not in some way already irrevocably allied with Original Goatee Beard, then I could still see him being put out by Princess going all doe-eyed over Hero (once that starts to happen), but he himself would also get to know Hero and get to know him as a friend, and perhaps a worthy successor to his Suit, but they'd work that one out later... All good friends, Princess is obviously still upset when Hero gets timey-wimeyed back home (in another variation, she goes also, but I don't like separating her from her friends and family... your choice if this is the approach, though), but Original Suitor is still there to fall back on, with no regrets from them all, and the line that continues all the way down to Senator shall obviously be begat.
"Daddy? I'm bored, can't we get back to <whatever it was we got dragged away from travelling to when everything kicked off>?", says Senator's Daughter, emerging from the lab doorway, who looks
amazingly like Princess. Senator's Daughter catches sight of Hero and makes it obvious she thinks him a dish, in his period costume and his new, more positive stance. (Basically, we've got an actor here that Universal Casting and Wardrobe have contrived to have made look Wimpy King Of The Nerds, or similar, at the start, but by now looks somewhat more assertive and hunky. The equivalent of the mousey-girl removing her glasses and loosing her tied-back hair. In fact, should we have Senator's Daughter do that in order to
become Princess? roudns the corner bored to have been amongst old guys (Father Senator, Prof, Goatee Bearded Aide if he's there), sees Hero, despectacles and hair-loosens in one swift movement in order to flirt with the new
hawt young guy. We're already saving money on using the same actors for at least two, possibly three, different paired-roles (I'm sure more can be engineered, also... e.g. Peasant Villagers and Rioters) so I'm sure we can afford a bit of extravagance with that particular effect.)
He, in return, isn't shy on laying it out on plate either. If you now get the visual effects people to fade out, except for temporarily leaving a heart-shaped insert through which Hero and Senator's Daughter kiss (Senator isn't about to object, after all, this is Sir Arnold Of Schwarzenegger here... for generations his family have heard only (or at least
mostly) good things about him!), before going full-black and rolling the credits then I'm probably going to generate some bile,
personally, but again this sort of thing is almost always going to be expected.
The end. Unless Modern Goatee Beard gets another look-in, from a "faded-in spot" on the appropriate part of the picture, expression indicating an "I'll Get You Gadget, Next Time" attitude, which might mean someone is planning to pay for a sequel.
Oh, and room for Crazy Credits or Outtakes, in the event that this was written as a goofy comedy and for some reason someone thought that these were a actually good idea and not too Airplane or Cannonball Run-era.
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Topic: Arms and Armor discussion (Read 37151 times)