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[Squeegy]

Wait, did MrsWillsauce actually survive that?

Yes.

This is one of the most exciting community games I've read by the way. I guess goblins constantly being murdered by dwarves and each other is more interesting then "I set up a plump helmet farm".

Speaking of which, I updated the OP. The best way to show your appreciation is to write your own logs! :3

Fun fact: In three outtakes on that year, Tomato went berserk, we were attacked by a minotaur instead of a cyclops (and got destroyed; he ran through the uncloseable front door and rampaged in the tower while the military futilely chased him around), and the dwarves got in and massacred everyone instead of being held off my Mrs. Willsauce and co.

[MrWillsauce]

Speaking of which, I updated the OP. The best way to show your appreciation is to write your own logs! :3

I was thinking of doing exactly that, but I wanted to confirm that my character was alive first. It'd be kinda weird otherwise... unless ghosts are literate. Expect a journal entry from me very soon.

[MrWillsauce]

Jorunal of "MrsWillsauce" Kutsmobstasno, goblin battleminer of The Cruel Void

~24th of Galena, 103~
Three months. Three months trapped outside underneath the crushing weight of a dead dwarf's mutilated corpse (dwarf flesh tastes like shit by the way). Three fucking months with nothing to do but lay and smell the horrid stench of my rotting comrades. I know they could hear me; how couldn't they, with me wailing for help three meters from the front gate all the damn time for a week, before I got too weak to even scream. Apparently the life of a war hero who, single-handed I might add, defended those bastards' asses from a cyclops and established the only defensive force in this shit hole. Without me, all of them would've been in the predicament they left me in: slowly wasting away from their injuries and from hunger, covered in their own blood and praying for death. Evidently my dutiful service to these goblins wasn't enough justification for them to open the gate for two fucking minutes and let me crawl inside. Lucky claims he didn't know I was out there, otherwise he would've helped. While I've decided to believe him, I know some of those fuckers heard me and chose not to help. Anyway, I'm fucking over it. I just hope none of those pricks expect me to help them when they're attacked by fifty sword-wielding bearded drunkards. At the very least Lucky is allowing me to rest, and by "allowing me to rest" I mean he barges into my room every two hours pestering me to get to work, but is too scared that I'll break his skull in two with my pickaxe to actually make me.

~12th of Limestone. 103~
I'm recovering fairly quickly, considering how fucking grievous my wounds were and how malnourished I was. I can actually walk outside to the courtyard and drop a brown scourge by myself now (if I lean on my pickaxe just right). I've also had to start dragging my ass to the brook when I'm thirsty now that the kid who usually brings me my water bucket is dead. Speaking of that, I don't disagree with Lucky's decision. They aren't my kids after all, but if Lucky tried to do that with one of my brats it'd be his ass on the end of a sharpened pole. What the hell's wrong with these green-skinned bitches that they let their kids be dragged into a dirt room surrounded by rushing water? I can't tell if they're apathetic or if they're just fucking dumb. Anyway, that entitled bastard keeps going on about how he has "supreme power over life and death" and all that. Look, buddy: you're "weapon" is a room. Made of dirt. It relies on people entering it voluntarily. Maybe you could trick a bunch of kids to stand in there, but now that we've all seen what it does there's no way anybody's going in there. I mean, sure, Lucky could force people in there with armed guards, but I think he's forgotten that all but one of those died when he locked us outside. I'd like to see that master of life and death try to force me in there. Maybe then I could make a pair of goblin bone boots to go with these nifty greaves. Mostly I think he just says that bullshit to impress Tomato. That horny creep should learn to take a hint.

~16th of Obsidian, 103~
I woke up this morning to the sound of the watchtroll's call, signalling a dwarf invasion. "Fuck," I thought as I struggled to pull the bone greaves on over my troll fur thong, and hurriedly hopped out my bedroom door, leaning heavily on my pick's head. As I rushed through the fort's corridors, I saw folks walking around, without an ounce of excitement in any of them. It was business as fucking usual. I went outside to see the gate closed (at least took some sort of defensive measure), but no goblins whatsoever in the courtyard. For all I knew, the dwarves could be happily tunneling under our wall at that very instant, and nobody was armed or even there to fight them. I painfully hobbled over to Lucky's room (all this walking back and forth was really putting a strain on my good leg; it's still sore as Hell), only to find the door locked. I knocked furiously and was about to go at it with my pick, when I heard the movement of the bolt and saw the door swing open. There was Lucky, dressed up in what I assume was supposed to be a stylish troll fur suit and smelling very strongly of Zogoth Rapemurder's patented tentacle demon-scented cologne. Sitting on his stone chest was Tomato.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. There are dwarves breaking down our front gate at this very moment, and you're here trying to seduce this ugly fucking farmer?"

"Whoa there, Willsauce, there's no need to be jealous. And don't worry about those dwarves, that gate'll hold them fine."

"First of all, I'm married, and even if I wasn't I wouldn't screw your wrinkly ass if you paid me in platinum coins. Secondly, these are dwarves. I've seen them rip through a kilometer of solid rock in less than two hours. All that's keeping them from coming in and relieving all of us of our heads is a raising slab of stone roughly one foot thick."

"Look, if you want to do something about it then do something about it, but I think you'll be wasting your time. Anyway, if you're done, I've got a more pressing matter to attend to. So, would you kindly get the fuck out of here?"

Turning to Tomato and pushing the door closed in my face I heard him say "now, where were we?" As I slowly hobbled down the hall to my room (to try and lock myself inside and hope the dwarves would leave me alone when they killed everybody) the last thing I heard was a female voice from inside Lucky's room saying "I really should be going. I've got lots of, er, lots of blood to go scrub off the dining room."

Now, I'm sitting on my bed facing the locked door to my bedroom with my pickaxe beside me. Hopefully I'll be able to get the drop on one or two of those bearded assholes when they break in here and take them down with me. If any dwarf is reading this after successfully massacring myself and my comrades I have a note for you: enjoy the elf bone greaves and the platinum you greedy pig fuckers.

[Squeegy]

Haha, very nice; I was trying to play the romance a little subtler, but there you go. The bone greaves have actually vanished; I'm not sure what happened to them, but they no longer show up on the artifact list or in specific leg armor. I can only assume some bastard kobold made off with them. I'll have another pair commissioned right away.

[MrWillsauce]

Haha, very nice; I was trying to play the romance a little subtler, but there you go. The bone greaves have actually vanished; I'm not sure what happened to them, but they no longer show up on the artifact list or in specific leg armor. I can only assume some bastard kobold made off with them. I'll have another pair commissioned right away.

NOT THE ARTIFACT ELF BONE GREAVES 

[Squeegy]

No worries, we have two legendary bone carvers. There's plenty of bone armor for everybody. This time it'll be dwarf bone.

[MrWillsauce]

It's not the same 

[Squeegy]

I'm sure it isn't, but maybe next time you're playing dead under the body of a fallen foe you could take care not to let the 'bolds loot you.

[MrWillsauce]

Fair enough.

[Squeegy]

--Journal of 'Lucky' Stothoaru: 1st Granite, 104--

So the dwarves are still roaming around outside even as we hold our new years' party, which mainly consists of punching each other in the face. I've arranged for a few coffins to cover any deaths, but they seem to be keeping it tame this year. I guess we're not all as pissed off. Kind of fitting that we began and ended last year with a god damn dwarven siege; I wonder if that trend will continue.

Mrs. Willsauce yelled at me for a while about not reforming the military and blah blah dwarven mining blah blah but I mean really. They're military dwarves, they probably haven't ever even held a pick in their lives. Why the hell would a mountainhome send out its most valuable dwarves in a siege to some godforsaken middle-of-nowhere shit tower?

I was reluctant to start training again mainly because I was worried she might actually go and get herself killed for real, since while she was presumed dead all the masonry in the tower basically ground to a halt, and let me tell you Xuspgas is no Stozu Burnedleather the Masonry of Hell. But if she wants to go fall on some dwarf's sword in a muddy field, more power to her. Long live the Disloyal Severity.

Unfortunately we've had to all but stop construction on the highest level of the tower because everybody's afraid they'll get hit by a bolt. Damn cowards.

--12th Granite, 104--

I wish people would stop knocking shit down in the bedrooms and the dining room. Apparently the tables got wrecked and nobody told me so people just weren't eating there. What is wrong with you people??

--23rd Granite, 104--

I decided to dispose of some of the captive dwarves in the drowning room. I sent Xuspgas in there too (to 'let them out') and he went because he is a stupid idiot so I drowned him for being a shitty mason and looking at Tomato funny. I mean come on, I had Archek link a lever to the cage like, right in front of him.

--10th Slate, 104--

Turns out they actually can get you up there! Due to Arstruk's noble sacrifice I have told people to stop hanging out on the roof, are you retarded, my gods. I am thankful that with tremendous foresight I designed the draining system not to be breachable because I can tell the dwarves out there are eyeing it. Or admiring it, I really can't tell.

--11th Felsite, 104--

Tomato took the time to clean out the drowning chamber and told me it smelled awfully familiar. I asked her if it smelled like poor masonry. She didn't think it was funny.

--27th Felsite, 104--

We noticed the dwarves had left, so we lowered the bridge and started collecting all those bodies.

--1st Hematite, 104--



Oh, kobolds! Everybody get inside so they'll wander over the cage traps.

--6th Hematite, 104--



Goodie! Now we can start breeding kobold slaves, too. I am sure the ladies of the tower will be very pleased with this eventuality; I hear kobold pets are all the rage nowadays.

--23rd Hematite, 103--



Why, I will never know. Eight in all, not including children that I will drown the moment they become nuisances.

--7th Malachite, 104--



They became nuisances.



What a tragedy. Drown them all. The candy was really watery death.

--21st Malachite, 104--

Fishybang is refusing to leave the drowning chamber. I suspect she is protesting the upcoming execution. If she doesn't leave soon I'm just going to drown her too.

--26th Malachite, 104--

Eventually Fishybang bowed to my authority and the execution proceeded.



Well that's no good. Although probably indistinguishable from any other fistfight in there. Good luck, you lot! I'm locking the door.

--27th Malachite, 104--



Good show.

--12th Galena, 104--



Unfortunately, this is pretty common fare by now. They seem absolutely obsessed with wiping us out. I've talked to several people and nobody knows how to put together a military force anymore. Apparently bureaucracy has collapsed since the second-to-last siege.

They've brought a lot of marksdwarves with them this time, so the top floor is completely off-limits.

--25th Limestone, 104--



The mass grave is filling up pretty well.

--4th Timber, 104--



I... really don't know.

--End Journal--

--Event Log: 23rd Timber, 104--





"Oh, fuck, I'm not inside! I'm not inside! Don't pull it up yet, I'm not ins--"





--End Log--

Surviving migrants this year:

...

[Squeegy]

--Event Log: 13th Moonstone, 104--





The goblins were gathered in the room. It was a memorial, dedicated to Lucky, the late expedition leader. The slab that bore his name and visage stood against a wide window of blue jade, that overlooked the courtyard with a slight blue tint.

They stood somewhat somberly around the slab, gazing at it.

It was Tomato that spoke first. "He wasn't a terrible leader. A bit creepy, but who isn't? Really hated kids. He got us this far. We're safe here and we pretty much owe that to him."

A few of the goblins nodded. They looked around the room, at the exceptionally-carved statues of beak dogs and fallen comrades.

Archek spoke next. "Those who knew him weren't inclined to like him. Much like all of us, he thought of himself first, rarely ahead, and never of the consequences. But he did what he set out here to do. He made a goblin tower."

"It's not great," said Snapdragon, rubbing the scar on her right hand. "It's hardly the opulence we were expecting. But it's a place where we can be happy. It has a great future. We just need to work for it."

"Touching," said Cain. "But pardon me, honey, but I want to know what's next. The most significant thing I've done in the last four years was marry you. When are we going to dig to the caverns? When are we going to use all that platinum? Lucky got us the bare essentials, and now that he's dead, how are we going to prosper?"

Mrs. Willsauce gently ran her fingers down her badly-scarred face. "I'll tell you how," she said. "we're going to rebuild our military. We're going to train them. We're going to find magma and we're going to make steel and platinum. We'll make a force to be reckoned with. We'll have riches for all. No dwarf, elf, or human will dare raise a blade against us."

"Yeah?" asked InZane, resting his silver spear with its tip on the floor. "Says who? Who died and made you despotess?"

Mrs. Willsauce pointed at the slab. "Him," she said simply. "If anyone thinks there's going to be any inane power struggle shit, they're wrong. I'm in charge now, and if anyone disagrees..." She hefted her pickaxe. "Well, you can't stop progress."

The goblins present collectively shook their heads. They milled about awkwardly in the room, then departed one by one, until only Fishybang was left. She looked around the room, and stepped up to the slab, taking a mussel out of her pouch and gently placing it atop the slab. She gave it a pat. "There, there," she said, and left, the door swinging shut behind her.



--End Log--

Well, that was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, it was buggy as all get out thanks to being basically a modding test. First the champion bug, and then the expedition leader job vanished and nobles couldn't be replaced. That meant no military, and when Lucky died, everything was gone except for the scribe/bookkeeper. Obviously, it's basically impossible to play like that, so the game needed to end, and I was getting a bit sick of it anyway. I hope to start a new tower when I've released the next version and tested it for a large fortress. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it!

[InZane]

If you guys ever get around to it i would love to be an marksgoblin cause i dont think weak and slow to heal doesnt go well with a speargoblin but eh i think ill wait till i die i guess.

Edit:Didnt notice it was the end... but yea gob me too.

[MrWillsauce]

It ended far too soon . Definitely gob me in the second tower if you do one. I'll take whoever as Mr or Mrs Willsauce depending on gender.

[TomatoWalrus]

Well damn. I was trying to catch up (damn Squeegy you update fast) so I could write another log, then I reached the end.
Good luck on the modding. I know nothing of it myself due to only playing vanilla.
Kinda sad to see it over so quickly, but looking forward to the next one.

[Squeegy]

Well, I enjoy playing the game.

Hopefully we'll have more participants next time.