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[Tenth Speed Writer]

Tonight, I discovered a truly diabolical device. It kills as surely as any magma flow or cave-in, yet in the messiest and delightfully gruesome manner possible.

A single minecart, being pushed up a ramp. A roller, to aid it on its way.
A single space between.
And one mechanic too stupid to follow the "RESTRICTED TRAFFIC" warning.

It happens something like this.

Urist McBadEngineer finishes the roller system. Instead of taking the safe and well-marked way out, Urist chooses to walk up the minecart ramp. The roller has been set to "medium," which as it turns out, is not quite as fast as it needs to be moving to clear the ramp stack.

At the same time, Dastot McAsshole decides that the cart (which I had before presumed to be bugged) is at long last full enough to push. He sends it on its merry way, right towards Urist.

Urist is just past the roller. The cart approaches, gains momentum, and smacks poor Urist flat on his face, breaking both his legs. Now, as I mentioned, that cart doesn't quite make it up the ramp. It comes back down, curb-stomping poor Urist in the process.

Dastot McAsshole, seeing the error of his ways, rushes to help his beleaguered buddy. The cart catches on the roller again. It speeds back down the track.

Dastot explodes. Urist is reduced to a fine paste.

Now, at this point, there are a wealth of items -- including two pairs of very lovely *Giant Cave Spider Silk Socks* -- sitting abandoned on the track.

And so it begins.

They come one-by-one at first, each falling victim to the mad cart. Some are fortunate, and are only mauled once or twice before being ejected across the chamber. Others are simply creamed beneath its murderous wheels.

And they kept coming. Whether they searching for loved ones or socks to loot, I cannot say. All I know is that one by one, they were reduced to mildly alcoholic hamburger by The Minecart Munchkin Mauler.

In mere moments, the population of my fortress was reduced from 120 to a dwindling 75, and yet they continued to throw themselves into the carnage.

I was at a loss for words.

I put on some appropriate music, sipped my tea, and watched my fortress crumble to ruins.

[PotatoLord]

A wonderful read. I'd recommend that you devise a way to weaponize it, if I wasn't certain that someone already has.

[Tenth Speed Writer]

A wonderful read. I'd recommend that you devise a way to weaponize it, if I wasn't certain that someone already has.

I believe they call it Dwarf Frogger

[Gentlefish]

Now that you mention it, this would be pretty simple to weaponize. Just get a heavy cart loaded with objects (Or many) and set them up in your entrance halls, next to rollers and a ramp that leads to nowhere. So that way, it'll roll off the ramp and back into the rollers. Just be sure to have a gear set to turn off all the rollers so you can place the carts and actually get through your own entrance, and forbid those carts!

[Oaktree]

Fast enough and loaded heavily enough and you can make stuff explode.
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=120502.0

As for rolling back and forth mashing with a cart there are designs out there that do that based simply on the known exploit of how curved track ramps currently work.  Does not even need rollers.

Mine carts came out and I think using them for transporting ore is probably 3rd or 4th on their main use.  Quantum dump, weaponized (cart cannons, frogger, etc.) and such seem to be the more common uses.  And they are a potential replacement for pump stacks for moving water and magma upward.

[rhesusmacabre]

Totally with you on this Tenth Speed. I was doing some harmless(ish) experimentation with exploit ramps and minecarts when:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It feels no fear, no pain, no remorse; it just hungers for more blood.

There were only about 30 dwarves in my fort, most of those not on that list are in hospital or insane. The carnage only stopped when the track got too clogged up with injured dwarves.

[King Mir]

Totally with you on this Tenth Speed. I was doing some harmless(ish) experimentation with exploit ramps and minecarts when:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It feels no fear, no pain, no remorse; it just hungers for more blood.

There were only about 30 dwarves in my fort, most of those not on that list are in hospital or insane. The carnage only stopped when the track got too clogged up with injured dwarves.

Mine carts have kill lists? That's awesome.

[Tenth Speed Writer]

Totally with you on this Tenth Speed. I was doing some harmless(ish) experimentation with exploit ramps and minecarts when:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It feels no fear, no pain, no remorse; it just hungers for more blood.

There were only about 30 dwarves in my fort, most of those not on that list are in hospital or insane. The carnage only stopped when the track got too clogged up with injured dwarves.

Holy Armok, I should have screen capped it before I abandoned. It had at least seventy kills before I gave up.

[SharkForce]

huh. it just occurred to me

i wonder if kobold thieves will try to steal items that are located in a moving minecart.

maybe all those useless (but expensive) artifacts your dwarves make have a use after all.

[MasterShizzle]

I'm typing this right now through spatters of coffee on my monitor. This story made me do an honest-to-Armok spit take.

Sweet steaming piles of BEARD, I love this game. What other piece of software can give you something like the Minecart Munchkin Mauler, completely by accident?