Uhh, because this is complex, I am going to end with the onyxew + impedes and aid actions.
Am ghost
Possess Putin
(5) Yes you are a ghost. (1 vs. 6+1) Putin vacuums you up, and throws you into the sun. Respawn?
Build a bunch of jeeps.
Have the jeeps bait Putin into attacking, and being crushed between the hammer of my armour and the anvil of the fortress.
(5) you build a 1000 jeeps. (6) The jeeps insult Putin's accomplishments. Putin responds by listing all his accomplishments.
Driving a F1 race car
Consoling a tiger cub
Taking down a judo opponent
Diving in Greece and finding two ancient Greek urns
Looking at a leopard
Participating in an arm wrestling contest
Bending a frying pan with his bare hands
Driving a snowmobile
Fighting a forest fire in a plane
Hugging a puppy
Riding with motorcycle enthusiasts
Talking with a scientific expedition above the Arctic Circle
Staring down a bear
Riding a horse while shirtless
Swimming in Siberia while shirtless
Hunting with a rifle in Siberia while shirtless
Firing a crossbow at a whale
Getting binders full of women
Taking offense at being called Batman
Having a mountain in Kyrgyzstan named after him
Bottle-feeding a moose
Tagging a whale
Giving a piano recital
Chatting with a biker gang
Steering a boat near a bear
Driving a tank
Working with ironworkers
Playing ice hockey
Being a horse whisperer
Piloting a mini-sub
Flying a heavy bomber
Piloting a Russian fighter over Chechnya in 2000
Tranquilizing a tiger
Tranquilizing a polar bear
Prime Minister and President
Putin attacks the jeeps with a +1 from rage. (5+2 vs. 1) Putin destroys every atom from the jeeps, sating his rage (+1 lost), then spots you fortress and (1) realizes he needs a soda and leaves. The tankers preparing to ambush (3) are disappointed and work on a plan to get Putin to return.
Hack the universe to cause my brain to get internet access.
(4) The CDC shows up with laptops for those that are bored. You take one, it has internet.
Give superAIDS to GWG....
(2) You realize AIDS is an STD. Still want to do that?
Replace a random vital organ of every CDC employee, even those not involved in harassing my sortie, with a small cube of pure Nicholas Cage.
Aid action
AID ACTION
IMPEDE ACTION
IMPEDE THE IMPEDE
IMPEDE IMPEDED IMPEDIMENT IN AN AIDING FASHION
Replace a random vital organ of every CDC employee, even those not involved in harassing my sortie, with a small cube of pure Nicholas Cage.
Impede action.
(3+2-3) With two aids (Xantalos, wwolin) and three impedes (Lord Slowpoke, zanzetkuken, GWG) and a 3 rolled, this action fails.
NPC Turn:
the tankers reveal their plan. (4) THey put some wildlife in front of Tophat's fortress. Putin pulls out a tranquilizer gun and charges towards them. Then the tankers attack. (6 vs. 1+1) Vladimir putin is caught by surprise. Vladimir Putin is dead! Chuck Norris is weeping! And stay tuned for the RTDTL VIII Reboot. In the meantime select an actor to play your character in this new remake.
The CDC (3) posts guidelines on Nick Cage related illnesses.
25000 Quarantine Officers
Tophat
13689 Sherman Fireflies
63 Flamethrower tanks
13 Half-tracks
2250 Tiger II