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Author Topic: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend  (Read 1169 times)

Dredonius

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A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« on: November 21, 2012, 11:19:17 pm »

So, here's the gist of it. I like this girl. I mean, *really* like her. But, I can't talk to her in real life for the life of me. But you know who can, and will? My loudmouthed, egotistical friend. Unfortunately, I don't have this girl in any of my classes, and the only time I can talk with her is at lunch. Since I don't have this girl in any of my classes, I don't have any topics to talk to her about. But, I have talked with her online at great length. I don't think that's enough.

So, how do I get the girl, talk to her more, get my friend to stop being so annoying, and have a happy ending?
Please, Bay12ers. You're my only hope.

kaijyuu

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2012, 11:25:27 pm »

Ask her out. Or equivalent for whatever it is you kids do nowadays.

Don't hide your crush. You're not going to creep her out, unless you say something like "YOU AND ME MAKE OUT NOW."


EDIT: Oh, and if she says no, take rejection maturely. But don't let that scare you away; never asking means you have 0 chance.
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Quote from: Chesterton
For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

Dredonius

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2012, 11:28:05 pm »

Thanks so much, friend. Great advice.

Imp

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2012, 02:01:44 am »

I don't have any topics to talk to her about. But, I have talked with her online at great length.

While I have no idea what you have talked with her about online, I wonder that it never included any topics.

I assume you have hobbies and things that greatly interest you - I bet she does too.  Do you know what any of her interests are?  Have you shared any of yours with hers?  Do you know yet if you and she have any interests in common?

Being told you are interesting is usually quite flattering.  It's a bit creepy to have a stranger walk up to you and say "You fascinate me, and I'd really like to get to know you better, would you tell me some things about yourself?", but something along those lines can happen between people that interact at least a little.

After you talk with her for a short time, say goodbye with something like, "Thanks for talking to me today.  I always feel better when I see you smile."  Or whatever seems right/is true for you.  You can ask her outright if she'd like to spend time with you after school, but you know her better than we do - and without knowing her at all, we have no idea if it's time to say something like that.

Interact with her and show you enjoy doing so.  People usually enjoy that.

As to the friend, I don't know how good or mature a friend he is; he sounds possibly less mature from your description (volume and ego do not gaurentee that though).  You again know him better than we do; good, real friendships allow you and the other person to honestly talk about things with each other.  You can tell each other what bugs you about the other; and sometimes the other person actually tries to be reasonable when they realize they were not being so before.  That friend might even make it easier for you to talk to the girl, because he sounds like he's not hesitating to talk to her, so be involved in the conversation too, maybe?

There's so many details we don't know, it's really hard to give appropriate advice.

But it's OK to be you, and to feel the way you do, and 99/100 times it all works out pretty good after a while.  Good luck and keep figuring out how you and your life works!
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Rooster

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2012, 09:32:39 am »

I swear to god all relationship advice on this forum can be solved by saying to ask her out.
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kaijyuu

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2012, 12:25:52 pm »

I swear to god all relationship advice on this forum can be solved by saying to ask her out.
That's because 99% of people's worries are "I have a crush! Help!" Which of course, duh, the answer is asking them out.


If someone came along with relationship problems with an existing relationship, we'd be giving different answers :P
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Quote from: Chesterton
For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

martinuzz

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2012, 03:02:40 pm »

If someone came along with relationship problems with an existing relationship, we'd be giving different answers :P

Not nescessarily
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TheFryingWeegee

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2012, 05:08:11 pm »

Asking them out rarely works.
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Virex

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2012, 06:44:54 pm »

Perhaps, but on the flip side, 100% of the people that don't ask each other out never go on dates together...
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Nightscar982

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2012, 06:49:11 pm »

But wouldn't asking them out bring the whole thing to a resolution? If you do fail, and (hopefully) move on, its just another chapter in your life that you can learn from and tell your children about  :P

Although I personally think that asking them out without them knowing you as much as you would like isn't so good, and that won't solve the problem of your friend.. You just don't want your friend to have a crush on the girl too..

Edit: Ninja'd, damn you!
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kaijyuu

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Re: A Problem with a Crush and a Friend
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2012, 07:36:28 pm »

Generally speaking you don't have to "get to know" someone before asking them out. In fact, the entire purpose of dating is getting to know people. You can learn a lot about someone from a first date.


Just have tact and ask. If you don't have tact, that comes with practice.
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Quote from: Chesterton
For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.