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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 714996 times)

granak1031

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1935 on: March 18, 2015, 02:31:03 am »

A man goes hunting in the forest. He's out there quite awhile without any luck.
Just as he's getting ready to head home, he spots a large bear. He freezes.
Unsure of what to do, he readies his gun to protect himself, and hopes he stays unseen.
Just then, the bear looks toward him. He fires, briefly closing his eyes as the shot is fired!

No sign of the bear. Pretty soon he feels a tap tap tap on his shoulder.
He turns around: It's the bear!
The bear says " Alright, you've got two options. One, I kill you."
The Hunter replies "... and two?" "Two, you turn around, drop your pants down and bend over"
The Hunter takes option two, and after awhile comes storming out of the woods.
"I'm gonna get that bear. He's gonna pay for this" he says to himself.

The Hunter later returns to the first, this time armed with an elephant gun.
He goes out there, looks near where he thinks he found the bear last time and waits for the bear.
And waits....and waits...and just as he was starting to drift off he sees movement!
He sees the bear! He's got him dead in his sights and he fires!

...but no dead bear. Pretty soon he feels a tap tap tap on his shoulder.
Yet again, it's the bear. The bear gives him the same choices, and again the Hunter chooses to live.
This time though, he really leaves that first angry.
" I swear, if I do nothing else in my life I will Kill that bear!"

The next morning he's ready for that bear. He goes out early and sets up any traps, explosives, or
weapons he can come up with. Then he waits for that bear.
...and waits...and waits...and waits. He sees the bear! He detonates the explosives, triggers the traps,
opens fire....still no dead bear.

Pretty soon he feels a tap tap tap on his shoulder. He turns around and
the bear says "You ain't here for the huntin, are ya."
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hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1936 on: March 18, 2015, 02:50:22 am »

I don't get it.
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Avatar by makowka

Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1937 on: March 18, 2015, 03:03:28 am »

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Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

Rose

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1938 on: March 18, 2015, 03:36:15 am »

bear sex
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Descan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1939 on: March 18, 2015, 03:46:18 am »

Hunter wants beardick in his booty. That's what the last line is saying.

Hankering for interspecies gay buttloving.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1940 on: March 18, 2015, 03:58:07 am »

I got that, but the joke doesn't make any sense.
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Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

a1s

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1941 on: March 18, 2015, 04:32:19 am »

I got that, but the joke doesn't make any sense.
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Orange Wizard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1942 on: March 18, 2015, 04:48:14 am »

I got that, but the joke doesn't make any sense.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Please don't shitpost, it lowers the quality of discourse
Hard science is like a sword, and soft science is like fear. You can use both to equally powerful results, but even if your opponent disbelieve your stabs, they will still die.

Helgoland

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1943 on: March 18, 2015, 10:42:11 am »

So there's this guy, in Vegas. It's pretty late, and he's just going back to his hotel - a beautiful expensive place with a casino and everything -, when a beautiful young lady offers him a handjob for $50.
"$50 for a handjob? That's a lot! I don't think that's worth it."
"You see this?" She hands him a photo of a Porsche. "That's my ride. Financed it exclusively via handjobs - I'm just that good."
So he reconsiders, hands over $50, and gets a truly mindblowingly amazing handjob.

The next day he sees her again; she offers him a blowjob for $500.
"$500 for a blowjob? Last night was amazing, but there's no way a blowjob can be worth $500!"
So she shows him a picture of her house - big villa, well-kept garden, etc etc. "This I financed exclusively via blowjobs. Trust me, they're worth their prize."
So he reconsiders, hands over $500, and gets an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime, makes-you-believe-in-the-divine-again blowjob.

The next day, he sees her again, and thinks to himself: "The handjob was great, the blowjob even better - what must it be like to fuck her?"
So he approaches her and asks: "How much to fuck your pussy?"
And she laughs and points at the guys' hotel: "You know, if I had a pussy, that place would be mine by now."
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Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1944 on: March 18, 2015, 02:42:27 pm »

Q.) Why did the prince bring Cinderella's carriage into the bathroom with him?
A.) He hoped it would turn into a blumpkin

A man goes up to a prostitute and asks "how much do you charge to rub the genitals?"
She replies "the same as for the jews"


« Last Edit: March 18, 2015, 03:26:36 pm by Bohandas »
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Arx

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1945 on: March 18, 2015, 02:45:02 pm »

It's [hr not [hl].
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hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1946 on: March 18, 2015, 02:55:25 pm »

Half Life 3 confirmed.
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Descan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1947 on: March 18, 2015, 03:24:07 pm »

... I don't get either of those.
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Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1948 on: March 18, 2015, 03:30:14 pm »

... I don't get either of those.
genitals = gentiles. that joke is sub-terrible.

blumpkin, google it. joke doesn't make enough sense to be funny.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2015, 03:32:57 pm by Reelya »
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Descan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #1949 on: March 18, 2015, 03:32:44 pm »

Jesus Christ how horrifying.
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Quote from: SalmonGod
Your innocent viking escapades for canadian social justice and immortality make my flagellum wiggle, too.
Quote from: Myroc
Descan confirmed for antichrist.
Quote from: LeoLeonardoIII
I wonder if any of us don't love Descan.
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