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[HFS]

Alright, so a few of you might remember me (...yeah, probably not) from aeons ago from a few succession/community forts, and maybe a game of Mafia. You'll probably know me as "that guy who drops out of everything." if you do remember. But nevermind that.

So, I've got a slight problem (...obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be posting here) with an online relationship. And before any of you says, in any way, that all online relationships don't end well (or something similar) (I know at least one person here will say that, I've seen it in another topic), don't even think about it.

We met on a game called Spiral Knights. I'm sure a few of you have played it. Stuff happened, and another friend on the game brought us together. Everything was fine for a while now. However, a few issues have popped up:

-The only real evidence I have is a pair of pictures from tumblr. Just the pictures, nothing else.
-Her parents don't know, and she doesn't want them to find out for fear of what would happen
-She is younger than me. (We're both teenagers. Our actual age will remain unsaid.)
-She lives in Wisconsin, I live in Manitoba (Canada, for those of you who don't know. But knowing this community, you all do.)
-She is apparently broke.
-Her brother often interferes (by preventing us from playing together, among other things). Her brother often lies, and does play the game (They are not the same person, they were playing at the same time at one point. This much is guaranteed).
-I don't trust a word her brother says (unless it's obviously true, like "X weapon is better than Y weapon because Z" being true, or it's confirmed to be truth by her)
-Her computer apparently cannot run the game due to screen issues
-We chat on wikia
-She claims to be broke, and that her camera is broken
-She can't get new pictures because of parents/broken camera
-She is homeschooled

So, basically, the question is: How should I get evidence that she hasn't been lying to me this entire time, and if I don't, what should I do about it? If you recommend breaking it off, how should I go about it? Is it even possible to do such a thing without compromising friendship?

tl;dr version: online relationship, need evidence of truth, wat do

[kaijyuu]

Well, here's an easy way to determine whether she's lying: What reason would she have to lie?

Internet bullies, trolls, etc need an audience. If this is a private affair between just you and her, there's absolutely no reason along those lines to try and humiliate you.


Now, that doesn't preclude her having things to hide. Maybe she's extremely shy. Maybe she's trans (MtF) and wouldn't think you'd understand. Maybe she's actually a gay man. Something along those lines.


My suggestion on what to do is, well, nothing. Relationships require a great deal of trust, and you need to be willing to give that trust. Understandably, it'll hurt if she violates that trust, but the fault will be entirely hers if so, not yours.


And yeah, I know you don't want to hear it, but online relationships while fine as flings and such, can't be very serious things. If you two are together for some emotional attachment reasons, fun, etc, then great. Don't attempt to make it very serious and don't push for a meetup or anything unless you're both comfortable with it. Do not push.

[ChairmanPoo]

I'd break it off if I were you. The whole situation smells fishy.

[HFS]

Well, here's an easy way to determine whether she's lying: What reason would she have to lie?
No idea.
Internet bullies, trolls, etc need an audience. If this is a private affair between just you and her, there's absolutely no reason along those lines to try and humiliate you.
It's private, but various friends know about it.

Now, that doesn't preclude her having things to hide. Maybe she's extremely shy. Maybe she's trans (MtF) and wouldn't think you'd understand. Maybe she's actually a gay man. Something along those lines.
I'm not certain. If the pictures in question are real, then this one doesn't apply. The main thing to hide is the relationship itself, due to her not wanting her parents to find out.

My suggestion on what to do is, well, nothing. Relationships require a great deal of trust, and you need to be willing to give that trust. Understandably, it'll hurt if she violates that trust, but the fault will be entirely hers if so, not yours.
Now, this is the problem. I'm finding it difficult to trust her now.

And yeah, I know you don't want to hear it, but online relationships while fine as flings and such, can't be very serious things. If you two are together for some emotional attachment reasons, fun, etc, then great. Don't attempt to make it very serious and don't push for a meetup or anything unless you're both comfortable with it. Do not push.
She has expressed interest in meeting up, as have I, but again, parents. However, I'm not pushing.

Responses are in bold.

I'd break it off if I were you. The whole situation smells fishy.

Well, that's why I posted it. I took another look when my (IRL) friends found out, re-evaluated it all, and came to the conclusion that it's highly likely that she's lying somewhere along the line.

Also, as I asked, how to break it off without compromising friendship? We still have plenty of fun playing games together, when we can.

[Forums User Meat Wizard]

Internet bullies, trolls, etc need an audience. If this is a private affair between just you and her, there's absolutely no reason along those lines to try and humiliate you.

I'd just like to point out how this is wrong. Attention is attention, whether it's from one person or a thousand. Some need an audience sure but others are happy to just get it in private (heyoooo) or do things like pass logs along to people to laugh with.

Oh, and don't meet people from the internet in real life if you even remotely feel uncomfortable or uncertain with them. Meeting them at all when you basically have no proof they're a real person is dangerous as hell.

[HFS]

Oh, and don't meet people from the internet in real life if you even remotely feel uncomfortable or uncertain with them. Meeting them at all when you basically have no proof they're a real person is dangerous as hell.

The idea of us meeting IRL came up before I realized these issues. I have no intention of meeting up unless everything works out perfectly. Which I highly doubt it will.

[kaijyuu]

I'd just like to point out how this is wrong. Attention is attention, whether it's from one person or a thousand. Some need an audience sure but others are happy to just get it in private (heyoooo) or do things like pass logs along to people to laugh with.

I have absolutely never seen any troll, real life bully, ect do such without someone to laugh along with them. The "passing along logs" would qualify as an audience in my mind, by the way, and frankly I've had the same fears about some of my internet flings.

People do such things to assert themselves, to posture. If they've no one to assert themselves to, they won't have the feedback that boosts their ego, and thus won't do it.

Oh, and don't meet people from the internet in real life if you even remotely feel uncomfortable or uncertain with them. Meeting them at all when you basically have no proof they're a real person is dangerous as hell.

Depends on a lot of factors, but yes, being cautions is definitely not a bad idea. Meet them with a friend at your side, if you're scared.

[Forums User Meat Wizard]

I've certainly trolled people before with no goal other than to just amuse myself. You can be your own audience, you realise. You've never done anything - trolling or otherwise - entirely for yourself, with no intent or capacity at the time to inform others about it? I'd say that it's only relatively recently that trolling has become a social thing.

and yeah man your chatlogs are craaaazy

[kaijyuu]

and yeah man your chatlogs are craaaazy

Hey, if they're into the weird stuff, I'm happy to oblige :3

[Mlamlah]

Hey, if they're into the weird stuff, I'm happy to oblige :3

Respect.

Anyway, i think that if you really are having trust issues, then that's a major issue on your side, it's really difficult to have a relationship with someone if there isn't trust, especially if the only components to your relationship are social in nature.

[lordcooper]

I'd recommend you go for someone who definitely has a body.

[HFS]

So, break it off? How would I do this without compromising any friendship, as I've asked...twice? Three times?

[lordcooper]

I honestly want to give proper advice because you seem like a pretty nice person, but I can't even wrap my head around the idea of an actual relationship between two people who have never met.  How do you know you're in a relationship with them?  What differentiates interactions with them from those with other people you only know online?

[HFS]

That was indeed one of the things I thought about when the issue was brought up with my IRL friends.

Don't know what's going on on her end, on mine it's that I (well, usually) trust her a lot more than most, the occasional gift (ingame, nothing physical)...among other things. Then again, the trust issues have been brought up previous, so that's no longer there. While I find it rather difficult to type out an outright lie (unless I'm with people I don't know in the slightest), I have no idea what's going on from her perspective.

[kaijyuu]

And now you know firsthand why long distance relationships generally don't work.

How do you know you're in a relationship with them?  What differentiates interactions with them from those with other people you only know online?

Generally it has to do with cybering

No really, there's more than just physical intimacy when it comes to relationships, and you can do most the verbal communication through yon internets. If the attraction is between your personalities, then I'd say it's pretty much valid, if extremely risky and unstable. Personally I don't let it ever get past the "fun little fling" stage; anything more serious than that just won't work.