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[poketwo]

Darn it.  Guys, what do you do when the computers you imported from the Elves decides that Dwarfs need to be enslaved AFTER you linked it to the weapon systems and robotic factories?  It keeps happening!  Is this a bug of version 103.45 or is it just my bad luck?

Oh, in non-related issue I finally figured out how to keep the humans from getting into my corn fields.  Just use poison traps.   

Did you install asimov chips AFTER the computers were delivered?

[Egan_BW]

Darn it.  Guys, what do you do when the computers you imported from the Elves decides that Dwarfs need to be enslaved AFTER you linked it to the weapon systems and robotic factories?  It keeps happening!  Is this a bug of version 103.45 or is it just my bad luck?

Oh, in non-related issue I finally figured out how to keep the humans from getting into my corn fields.  Just use poison traps.   

Did you install asimov chips AFTER the computers were delivered?

Asimov chips can be unreliable in some cases. Using a dwarf brain to regulate activity is much better provided you can keep it alive long enough. Make sure to find one with high empathy though.

[NullForceOmega]

Hells guys, I've told you and told you, don't buy computers from elves this version, there's a bug in the AI ethics subroutine that causes them to become hostile as soon as you turn them on.  I'd put it up on the tracker, but it keeps rejecting my keyboard input, and I'm not upgrading to full neural interface just to report a bug.

[Starver]

Hells guys, I've told you and told you, don't buy computers from elves this version, there's a bug in the AI ethics subroutine that causes them to become hostile as soon as you turn them on.  I'd put it up on the tracker, but it keeps rejecting my keyboard input, and I'm not upgrading to full neural interface just to report a bug.

It is the EA Games' subroutine #35, that the latest update replaced because it was predicted to go to 100% failure in 72 hours.  External testing doesn't show the problem, so you actually need to put back the original subroutine and carry on with the failure mode analysis.

You can (and should) actually do this whilst in play, as there isn't a single aspect of ship operations that my autogame module can't control, if you can bear the new music-hall background music.

I know some of my recent advice has been as a result of some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that the above will get you back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the game.

Spoiler: And I want to help you. (click to show/hide)

[AgentNos]

Ok, here's a pretty funny/annoying story of something that is just happening in my current fort

So, happily playing away at my fort of 30-odd years when a "The dead walk, run while you still can" pops up. I was very confused because necromancers only really show up in worlds genned up to something like 250 years and this is a 3000 year world, they usually get killed off really early on when technology is sufficient to pop their heads from several miles away. Anyway, a necro siege shows up and its only a few hundred zombies, so I send my 50 or so strong legendary mechsuit-dwarf security team after them. About a day into the fight, my mechsuit dwarves start turning on each other and wipe out all but 15, I checked their health and they're all still alive inside so it's not the necro doing it! These 15 and the remaining zombies start making their way towards my fort. Normally I wouldn't be so scared, I mean plasma weaponry cuts through mech-gobbos like butter, but unfortunately all my suits are made of a candy-iron alloy infused with nano constructs my dwarves discovered which diffuse the plasma shots... The only way that I have ever destroyed this alloy was when a dwarf (Urist Cobaltmined, I'll miss you, ya poor sod) got trapped next to the fission cannon when it misfired and vaporised him (along with half the fort...) I'm building this cannon as a megaproject, dubbed heaven cracker to get rid of the mothership hovering above my fort, blocking the sun for half a year...
Anyway, I now have 15 nigh-on unkillable dwarves murdering everything in sight whilst I hurridly try to orchestrate a collapse in the feedback loop of the heaven cracker to kill the remaining invaders and the traitors! Here goes nothing!!!

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EDIT: The siege reached the heaven cracker before I finished the preparations... they turned it into a bomb and evaporated half the continent, but at least the mothership is gone! Welp, time to start a new fort!

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EDIT 2: Just went into legends to look at why the necro could've taken control of my dwarves. Turns out in 679, the Human Necromancer Sigmund Clothesbattered killed and raised some goblin technomancer as a lich, not a zombie... That's how he survived for so many thousand years and took control of my dudes! He got a bleeding technomancer on his side and just stayed in the back line away from the fight... Like there are still things in this game that amaze me, this being one of them, but it's really damn annoying; that was my best fort yet!

[poketwo]

Dude, do you have that mod that makes technology advance really fast? Cause, as the tech starts in at most the beginnings of agriculture, its kinda implausible for technomancer to even be thought of in less than 5000 years of world generation!

[AgentNos]

Yeah, I do have that mod, my computer is pretty slow (only got an Intel i75, octadeca core processor) so getting world to gen anywhere past 3500 is a really stretch

[Urist McVoyager]

I'm still playing DF2038. (I respect you techie types, but the Faith system is where it's fucking at and I'm glad DF 2052 is bringing that shit back with an upgrade.)

So I've got this citizen, you know the type. Former cheesemaker turned weaver. Lost his family to a weremongoose attack about a month before this story. He was suffering and none of the local Gods could really make it go away. Doesn't help that most Gods ironically DON'T bless cheesemakers for some odd reason. I'd call it a bug, but Toady II was all in with us drafting them for the military and sending them to do something useful besides curdling purring maggot milk. So I get this message: Urist McHeartbroken is praying to the unknown. Of course, we all know that Armok was the unknown at that point. (2052 is going to make it explicit that he's us, but that's two years away.) So I popped open the unit screen, entered his thoughts screen and tabbed over to the prayer interface to hear him.

He was still in mourning, which is acceptable, seeing as it was only a month. So I heard his prayer. “Dear Lord, make yourself known to me and I will be Your faithful servant. Just give me a sign.” The standard “I need a purpose!” plea. Thank the gods who smited EA that Toady was blurring the lines between the three modes at that point and added Testing Arena features into Fortress mode. I had saved up minor prayer points up til now from small miracles like getting those last few extra plump helmets out of the ground to save the Fort from starvation. Little things like that.

So I traded about half my points and dropped a silver sword in the middle of his room. If it was a were who killed his family, there was a good chance there would be more of them. Boy was I fucking right. That night was the full moon, and as my new hunter stalked the halls, seven other victims showed themselves. I expected he'd go down fighting for his family's memory, but overnight he went from a broken cheesemaker to a bulwark of stability for his fortress.  The Fortress guard were all out on patrol keeping kobolds and goblins out (There had been a nasty civil war in the local Gobold union and it had broken down into ravaging armies traveling the countryside. Thank Armok I had the foresight to stash several weaponlords in each hillock to train up the locals.) and the militia were all sleeping off benders from one of the local festivals. None of them worship me, so it's not like I actually give a damn about those festivals.

I wondered why the sword cost so much faith, but apparently it had an enchantment that made it glow in the direction of the nearest were, so one by one Urist Werehunter tracked them down and slew them. It was a sight to behold, with him sneaking up and cutting their heads off. He went from no-skills to proficient in ambusher, observer, and swordsdwarf. It's not much, but a start. And now he's a devout worshiper of Armok (I didn't get creative with the name. We've always suspected he's a stand-in for us, so why not roll with it?)

Why did nobody else get involved? Everyone remembered the last attack. A quarter of the fort fell to it, and when the alarm sounded, all hid but the hunter.

I'm going to see just how far I can take this guy. His immense faith in me for letting him avenge his family has spiked my faith points by 1000% and I'm sure I can do a great deal more.

[crazyabe]

Hmm perhaps I should revert to that version...

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

Hmm perhaps I should revert to that version...

If you are going to revert, go all the way back to one of the really early versions, like the '08 one.  It's just bizarre.

[crazyabe]

Hmm perhaps I should revert to that version...

If you are going to revert, go all the way back to one of the really early versions, like the '08 one.  It's just bizarre.

Sorry but my computer would be going like 38555 Frames Per Second, And Thats too fast

[Urist McVoyager]

Naw, I wouldn't go past the version that finally brought Hill and Deep dwarves into the picture. That's the start of the real game.

[Dirst]

Naw, I wouldn't go past the version that finally brought Hill and Deep dwarves into the picture. That's the start of the real game.

I wish I never went earlier than that.

Elephants.  Carp.  ASCII.  The original economy.

Sometimes meeting the real-world basis of a myth is disappointing.  And sometimes it leaves you permanently changed.

I was not disappointed.

[Urist McVoyager]

So Urist McWerehunter has been preaching and building up faith. And it's caught the attention of some of the other gods that are worshipped here. It all came to a head in Winter. He and a small militia band of the faithful had just routed a gobold (Goblins, kobolds, and some seriously fucked up hybrids of the two) siege and out of nowhere a bizarre titan appeared. Its appearance wasn't really that bad (A giant rainbow-colored cobra with external ribs arrayed like non-functioning wings and a venomous spit) but it actually spoke to us. Well, more accurately, it spoke a challenge directly to ME. Dear Armok I had forgotten how much Toady II loved those Black and White games he grew up with. Turns out this cobra was a Divine being created by the local god of death and rainbows, who was really bent out of shape with me for fucking up his monopoly on cheese makers. Because who else are the poor sods to worship but a glorious killer rainbow, am I right?

Anyway, he challenged me to a duel, if I had the faith and guts to face his best warrior. I looked at my faith points and realized I had enough for some pretty wicked effects, so in reply I created a warrior of my own. A giant three headed zebra with two heads (This was the beginning of the quantum age, after all. Most people only saw two heads, but the truly faithful could see a third one that constantly spouted off prophecies that I'm sure it was just making up out of its ass.) Adamantine hooves, and, the true kicker, poisonous blood that caused a fast acting syndrome that turned a creature inside out. The zebra hurled itself right across the ground at the snake, and even managed to dodge the two spits it threw at him. Within seconds the two were tangled in battle, with the snake maintaining an advantage. Which was just fine by me, really. The snake bit my zebra hard enough to draw blood,  and instantly got syndromed. It turned inside out, and on the way in, those wings shredded the fucker's heart, killing him in seconds.

My divine message seems to consistently be "do your worst and I'll turn it right back on you."

[PTTG??]

Greetings, fellow computer users. I am Player "Trulyhuman" Fideanth. Nothing untoward has happened to me regarding the detailed simulation that is dwarf fortress. I invite all to join me at my quarters to experience a new version of the... game... on the completely safe Neurorift VR system.