Will do tonight.
EDIT: As soon as I convince Jake to let go of the booze, I'm starting this baby. Stay tune
EDIT ALSO: 2 beer down, starting the heavy shit. I've been playing some Terraria, and made a chick entirely out of grey. Her name? Cinderella. Downloading the save now.
Have I actually read what came before this turn? Absolutely. Do I remember something about it? Hum, I'm sure there was someone mentioning 13 volcanoes. This is the whole extend of my knowledge. Will I make any form of effort to improve the fort's efficiency in any way? Lolnope.
Soon I will
become begin. Just need to finish this gigantic drink. It's a can of monster, a can of cherry Arizona, and half a bottle of southern confort. I called it ''who cares''. My roommate is a bit annoyed that I won't tell him what it is. But I am. I just kept repeating ''who cares'' until he left. This shit is so good, I want to punch a chicken in the throat, and scream ''Feel that pain, it's the feel of how awesome this drink is flowing from my body to yours''. I re-read the last sentence, and realize it's obviously time to start this turn.
* * *
The fort is live. Wait it's the same fort. i know because that sweet, sweet garnierite is there, begging for my sensual picking. Didn't the fortress die at some point?
i was about to say that the fort is different, but mourn the loss of the most beautiful fort ever made. But there it is, my garnierite stockpile ready to be used. ''sculpt me like one of your french girls'' it murmurs, eager to become green furniture. The ancient dreams of a green halls are back. This will be the most beautiful place ever.
Then I recall something else.
Creeping eyes, and demons, and whatnot.
...
Now i wish the place had truly died.
* * *
The first step to making this fort survive is obviously to check how many dwarves. the answer is not that much. good news for me, tho, every single dwarf has a name so I won't have to locate something like a dwarfing list. Fuck yeah.
There is also one thing I must do, the most important thing of all.
...better.
Now, I had something witty to say, about blergh I don't remember. I remember it had something to do with ''but what is this, the noble prize laboratory?''
Look, i don't give a fuck, I'm busy running this fortress. You have the punchline, just come up with the buildup. I'm a busy dude.
...
i want to barf.
* * *
Not sure if the upload button on imgur is fuzzy, or if im actually seing double. Your guest.
Guess. Fuck you I'm not
erasing Deleting.
In any case something ate the stockpiles. Must have something to do with the place being turned into a lair or whatnot. I'll make some new stockpiles, just so my dwarves dont spend the lenght of 7 peter jackson trilogies reorganizing crap. We have a garnierite dinning hall to manage, and it aint getting delayed.
I browse around to find more deleted stockpiles, and quickly locate a pile of murdered dwarves.
That's not good.
My minimal ability to analyze situations tell me maybe just maybe this is related to the whole place becoming a lair, and maybe creeping eyes, and demon and whatnot. Maybe. Look, I dont know. What do you want from me? ''What is this, some nobel prize laboroatory?'
Boom, nailed it.
*self high five*
Half-reused jokes aside, i should probably do something about the corpses.
I
imagine remember the dying words of all those dwarves...
''Give us... garnierite coffins''
Worry not, brothers. Worry not.
Your slabs will be as green as our nonexistant soldiers.
* * *
Disclaimer, if you want some awesome fun, check out ''legendary'' which is a marvel board/card game. it's tons of fun. Except when you face Thanos. This guy is a dick. A special kind of dick. the kind of guy who goes, look at all these new cards the expansion got you, can't you wait to play as Rocket Racoon or Groot?
''Yes!'' you say. ''I am Groot!'' you say, eager to play as Groot because seriously he is awesome. You eagerly spend your turn aquiring groot cards.
And Thanos eats them all. One by one. every turn. like mr burns stealing lolipops from babies.
What a dick. then you are no longer Groot. you have lost. thanos has won.
And that's why I'm drinking.
Also, Dr. Octopus. if you say that fast, it becomes doc oc. Say it fast.
doc oc. Doc oc. doc oc. Doc oc.
Bokock! Bockock!
Chicken noises.
That's why I began this turn talking about chickens.
See everything is connected.
* * *
I have to solve the problems. everything being in a non-ctockpile is a problem,.
However, trying to make organized stockpiles is a pain, and obviously impossible in my state.
Did my awesome gramar and typing mislead you? I'm not sober.
'm just really good at typing while wasted when I apply myself.
Anyway, I made one gigantic stockpile, and it accepts everything.
Should solve problems.
there's the actual stockpile, on the unlikely event that someone else gets to play this disaster of a settlement.
* * *
so, I want to bury the dwarves somwhere.
We have this very beautiful garden.
but I cant build the tombs there, because its too not underground.
So I need to either build a roof (lolnope)
Or i could dig under this place.
which is beautiful.
Oh wow, even in death the fort is beautiful. so beautiful.
But here's the basement tho. as you can see digging there would be
unoptimal at best.
* * *
A corpse is building coffins.
No wait, that's shoruke.
shoruke you look like a corpse. You should get that checked out.
In any case shoruke looks like a corpse but he's fucking
fast man.
shoruke you are a vampire i think.
Vampires cant cross running streams.
yeah good luck with
that here, fucker.
...
so we have exactly one coffin. I'm glad we have a vampire working on that.
* * *
So, a word about coffins
coffins arent coffers.
And coffers arent good at containing dwarves.
Our cemetary, however, can now house a
lot of coins.
* * *
Oh shit. A caravan.
The game throws a riddle at me.
No outpost liason? how curious...
gee game, lemme solve that. I have no idea whats going on, I cant locate my dwarves, and im still surprised to see that the fort im running is the fort im running, and not another randomk fort with not one, not two, but
three thirteen volcanoes!
now, where would the outpost liason be, and why is he missing?
I
have
zero
clues.
In fact, here's my ability to reason and solve issues explained in one conversation taking place simultaneously to this whole turn:
that's right. I can't locate my chair. And I'm sitting on it.
Guess how efficiently I'll find this outpost liason now.
* * *
I cant do it all on my own,
No,
im no...
I'm no superman.
The scrubs theme is right. I need help.
Alex the cat, take over
...
Alex the cat turns out to be a poor replacement. he just... stands there, and stares.
Fine, I'll build all the coffins, and locate the liason. You just... remain there, inert.
The good news is, there seems to be a lot of pointless critters, and absolutely no sign of creeping eyes, demons or whatnot.
This is good. i wont have to set up a military. Not that we have the dwarfpower for that.
or the ability to locate the barracks for that matter
Or barracks. do we even have barracks?
I guess that all comes back to the precedent point, being unable to locate said barracks.
in any case, we have a lot of slabs, and still zero coffins.
i made too many slabs
and more coffers.
look im a poor gravedigger is what im saying.
* * *
Hey i found some tombs
Now get those fuckers in there
Only haikus now...
That will save some time
not having to build coffins
I'll use those instead.
Can't run this fort now
Alex the cat wants some love
i rub his belly.
Of course you bite me
You jack pile of ginger trash
never trust a cat
Holy fucking shit
that's a lot of dwarven dudes
The coffins fill fast.
* * *
I look at the shaft
standing atop one support
I fix that nonsence.
fuck forgot the stairs
I build some with willow logs
there you go bitches
I did try my best
but undead are popping up
fuck you bim the ghost!
* * *
Fuck haikus. It's over.
Some migrants have arrived, and I dont want to seem
weird in front of them.
I set some to mining usaing therapist.
that's right I just realized that nobody was a miner out of 13 dudes.
which frankly explains why we still don't have more garnierite.
Yes! finally stuff is getting done here
Productivity!
That's right, go away, Bim. eat my ghostly ethereal treelog-crafted giant phallus. with stairs.
Look im not the wittiest man right now. What do you want from me? This sisnt the noble prize factory.
* * *
turns out, there are more ghosts.
Engrave some
coffers slabs, and get rid of him!
i choose to ignore the troll. It's in the caverns. Possibly. I hope.
Instead I focus my atention on our awesome new dinning hall. The queue for furnitures is over. I'm so eager to...
what
WHAT.
People what.
Where are the garnierite chairs. the garnierite tables?
Oh fuck, resetting the fort and reclaiming after it became a lair discarded the stone use options. Now people aren't using the garnierite.
Words fail me.
This can't be happening.
I am speechless.
if my wife told me ''honey, I lost the child'' my only response would be ''well at least someone didnt fuck the economic stone preferences, honey.''
* * *
So, no excuses now. Build that thing now. garnierite tables, garnierite slabs, garnierite chairs.
there will be green or there will be death.
People are slacking off. everyone is storing stuff in stockpiles. I guess every single stockpile and item in the fort getting buttfucked will do this to you.
I'm starting to be less drunk.
This isnt good.
Only alcohol will save me from such terrible outcomes, and hilariously enough only being drunk will cause them.
Ethanol paradox.
Time for more booze.
I take the time to dwarf the new migrants while mixing and drinking mys tuff.
whoemever you are, Iztakamal thing something, get a new name. seriously.
* * *
I found some more tombs.
notice how phallically they are arranged
i see what you did there.
* * *
hope this is good.
also hope we have some materials around, because watch me not set up any Industries or workshop chains.
truth be told, i dont think im a great assets to the productivity of these forts, and
everyone is playing drunkAt least I'm not Wrex.
holy shit its a cage
Guya, im dead.
the guy i was talijng to while they played bloodbowl, hes downloading the game now,. hes dead on vodka and just bit the top half of my cats head away. this will be the funniest learning experience ever.
Uploading the save like tommorow when less uberdead.
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Topic: !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! [We Hath Become Death, the Destroyers of Worlds] (Read 1239940 times)