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Author Topic: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen  (Read 9683 times)

miauw62

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #45 on: September 01, 2012, 04:45:25 am »

Maybe we're seeing the start of a food related crime spree orchestrated by international gentlemen master thieves? Next up, I bet; the Norwegian National Strategic Butter Reserves.

Or the Belgian Strategic Chocolate Reserves?
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Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.

Yoink

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #46 on: September 01, 2012, 05:43:13 am »

Or just bring a fuckton of waffles.

Obviously the thieves are enacting a plan to lure the giant intergalactic Wafflebeast to Earth and capture it, thus allowing them to conquer the planet--nay, the galaxy!-- with a wave of sticky, unhealthy-yet-delectable goodness.

THEY MUST BE STOPPED.
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Rose

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #47 on: September 01, 2012, 05:48:43 am »

It's probably for porn.

Syrup wrestling is IN people!
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kaijyuu

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #48 on: September 01, 2012, 05:59:57 am »

It's probably for porn.

Syrup wrestling is IN people!
Eh, I doubt it. Syrup makes a poor lubricant. Same with anything made with sugar.
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For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

Ancre

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #49 on: September 01, 2012, 06:50:15 am »

It's probably for porn.

Syrup wrestling is IN people!
Eh, I doubt it. Syrup makes a poor lubricant. Same with anything made with sugar.

Imagination doesn't bother with petty considerations such as practicality.
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kaijyuu

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #50 on: September 01, 2012, 06:53:53 am »

Good point. And when has porn ever been realistic, anyway? :D
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Quote from: Chesterton
For, in order that men should resist injustice, something more is necessary than that they should think injustice unpleasant. They must think injustice absurd; above all, they must think it startling. They must retain the violence of a virgin astonishment. When the pessimist looks at any infamy, it is to him, after all, only a repetition of the infamy of existence. But the optimist sees injustice as something discordant and unexpected, and it stings him into action.

mainiac

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #51 on: September 01, 2012, 07:42:38 am »

Realism is one thing but yeast infections are serious business.
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GreatJustice

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #52 on: September 01, 2012, 07:49:29 am »

Methinks it was those knockoff syrup makers from Vermont.
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RedKing

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #53 on: September 01, 2012, 09:07:15 am »

Methinks it was those knockoff syrup makers from Vermont.
Aha...a Vermont syrup baron, trying to corner the market and drive up the price. Kinda like Goldfinger. Only...Stickyfinger.

It's like a Canadian parody of a Bond film.
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Oliolli

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #54 on: September 01, 2012, 09:47:37 am »

Methinks it was those knockoff syrup makers from Vermont.
Aha...a Vermont syrup baron, trying to corner the market and drive up the price. Kinda like Goldfinger. Only...Stickyfinger.

It's like a Canadian parody of a Bond film.

"Yes, well, I've worked out a few statistics of my own. 30 million dollars in maple syrup weighs 4,500 tons. Sixty men would take six days to load it onto 100 trucks. Now, at the most, you're going to have two hours before the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Mounted Police move in and make you put it back."
"Who mentioned anything about removing it?"
--
"The julep tart enough for you?"
"You plan to break into the world's largest maple syrup deposit, but not to steal anything. Why?"
"Go on."
"Mr. Smith, the man from Vermont at the factory, he's a specialist in nuclear fission... but of course! His contacts have given you a bomb."
"I prefer to call it an "atomic device." It's small, but particularly dirty."
"A dirty bomb? Cobalt and iodine?"
"Precisely."
"Well, if you explode it in the warehouse, the... the entire maple syrup supply of Canada would be radioactive for... fifty-seven years."
"Fifty-eight, to be exact."
"I apologize, Stickyfinger. It's an inspired deal! They get what they want, loss of maple syrup in Quebec. And the value of your maple syrup increases many times."
"I conservatively estimate, ten times."
"Brilliant."
« Last Edit: September 01, 2012, 12:13:21 pm by Oliolli »
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Oliolli

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #55 on: September 01, 2012, 01:09:05 pm »

And eventually Stray Assignment, the Korean golfer who simply doesn't stop speaking drowns in a barrel of maple syrup as he tries to retrieve his throwing glove from near it.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2012, 01:10:46 pm by Oliolli »
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Quote from: Girlinhat
When all you've got is an adjustable spanner and an entire freight warehouse of terrifying cogs and gears, everything looks like "just a prototype".
Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
You all turned Swordthunders into a bastion of madness that seems to warp in on itself under its own hatred of sanity.  I'm so happy!
Quote from: Loud Whispers
drowning babies everywhere o-o

RedKing

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #56 on: September 01, 2012, 01:23:31 pm »

dear lord, the stage has been set for a good james bond parody
Featuring thrilling moose-back chase scenes through downtown Sherbrooke and a fistfight on top of of a speeding boat in the St. Lawrence River!

Quick, somebody get Daniel Craig on the phone!
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Remember, knowledge is power. The power to make other people feel stupid.
Quote from: Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Science is like an inoculation against charlatans who would have you believe whatever it is they tell you.

Oliolli

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #57 on: September 01, 2012, 01:33:57 pm »

Is it just a coincidence that last night I saw a dream where Bond was skiing down a mountain while being chased by a hovercraft with MGs attached?
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Quote from: Girlinhat
When all you've got is an adjustable spanner and an entire freight warehouse of terrifying cogs and gears, everything looks like "just a prototype".
Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
You all turned Swordthunders into a bastion of madness that seems to warp in on itself under its own hatred of sanity.  I'm so happy!
Quote from: Loud Whispers
drowning babies everywhere o-o

Zrk2

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #58 on: September 01, 2012, 03:26:44 pm »

God dammit Quebec. It's shit like this that makes me want to kick a beaver.
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MonkeyHead

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Re: 1/4 of canadian strategic maple syrup reserves stolen
« Reply #59 on: September 01, 2012, 03:33:26 pm »

dear lord, the stage has been set for a good james bond parody
Featuring thrilling moose-back chase scenes through downtown Sherbrooke and a fistfight on top of of a speeding boat in the St. Lawrence River!

Quick, somebody get Daniel Craig on the phone!

"Do you expect me to talk, Stickyfinger?"
"No Mister Bond, I expect you to develop early onset type 2 diabeetus!"
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