There is some right-wing Tea Party-type who owns a farm a few miles from where I live. His farm is right by the freeway, so he abuses the first amendment to put up huge-ass signs covered in inane right-wing slogans on the sides of semitruck trailers parked on said farm, to advertise to the people on the freeway who evidently are unaware that Obama is a Muslim socialist and must be reminded of it.
The most recurring sign, which I saw going by today, says "Marxism/Socialism = Poverty + Hunger". I realized that it must be a four-variable equation and, shortening the variables to M, S, P, and H, began solving for each variable. I arrived at some interesting, and often illogical, conclusions, including:
(P + H) x S = M [Marxism equals the amount of poverty and hunger times the amount of socialism]
S = M / (P + H) [Socialism equals Marxism divided by poverty and hunger]
As M increases, P + H increases, so Marxism is bad.
As S increases, however, P + H decreases, so more socialism is actually good.
A country with zero socialism has infinite poverty and hunger.
A country with zero Marxism has no poverty and hunger.
We can also do calculus if we assume the variables are actually functions instead: ((M' x S) - (S' x M)) / S2 = P' + H' [The rate at which poverty and hunger change equals the rate at which Marxism changes times the amount of socialism minus the rate at which socialism changes times the amount of Marxism divided by the amount of socialism squared?]
I then realized we could try to figure out the units on each variable. I think hunger and poverty are measured in terms of impoverished/hungry people, which then means that the units on M/S must come out to be people (p). Obviously Marxism is socialism (a quantity, I suppose) by the people (express as soc x p, think foot-pounds or newton-meters, which I realize is really just a retarded name for joules), and socialism is just a quantity of socialism (soc), so M/S comes out as (soc x p) / soc = p.