"Huh? Well then. Uhh. Don't, really now what to say right now. Umm.
Oh wait, I have a joke. A man gets pulled over for speeding. The sheriff ambles up, asks for license and registration. 'I'm afraid I don't have it,' the man replies sheepishly. 'Why not?' asks the cop. 'I, uh, think I left it at the bar. I get forgetful after a couple of drinks.' 'Sir, I'm going to need you to step out of the car." "No can do, sir. I stand up and the .45's gonna fall right outta my waistband.' The cop is almost livid by now. 'Son, what the
hell wrong with you? What are you carrying around a loaded gun for?' 'Well, the hooker's not gonna force herself into the trunk now, will she?' By now the sheriff is on the horn for backup, and half the city has arrived, complete with swat team and the Chief. As they've finished tearing his car apart and the guy is face down in the road in handcuffs, he turns to the Chief and says 'Lemme guess. He probably told you I was speeding, too?'
In conclusion, Trolololo.Tip your waitress. Oh wait, no waitresses. *under breath* What a shitty party. I've had drunken nights in vegas better then this*to audience* So, um, Well then, I guess the only thing to do is throw your wallets at me. Thank you, Good Night!"
My undead armies crash the party, consuming much food and beverage. I do action I mentioned earlier.
SANDWICH FOR REFERENCE:
Mmm, Bacon. Eat bacon. Bacon bacon bacon. I love it so. Find place where they give out the meat. Create large subway sandwich. Sandwich must include:
-Pepperoni
-Mozzerella
-Meatballs
-Crispy Bacon strips
-American Cheese
-Meat Sauce
-Chicken patties
-Blood Pressure pills
On Italian herbs and cheese bread.
Uh, wait.
Also do stand up comedy. Summon The Spirit of Groucho Marx to aid me.
EVILIDEAEDIT: One last thing. Hire a group of performers, and have them do the play "The King In Yellow". Make sure to get saner members of my team elsewhere by Act 2. Wikipedia the play if you need too.