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[lawastooshort]

You Are Speedo – A Suggestion Game

You wake up. It’s quite warm in here. A little moist. The air's a bit stale. All is d-OHMYGODIMASPEEDOOHGODNO!

…   …   …   …   …   ...

You wake up again.

You take a few minutes to collect your thoughts.

Are you a vengeful Speedo? Or a Speedo of Good?

Do you have a colour?

And who is your host? Is it SPEEDOSTALIN, ruler of the Unspeakable Soviet Speedo Republic? Is it Abe Lincoln? Genghis Khan? Or Derek from the office next to mine? I think he’s in accounts or something and I'm fairly sure he took my colour-changing cup.

[freeformschooler]

Vengeful Speedo, Presidential Stripes, Abraham Lincoln

[Bdthemag]

Vengeful Speedo, Presidential Stripes, Abraham Lincoln

Holy shit yes.

[freeformschooler]

<freeformschooler> abe lincoln's vengeful speedo represents his secret dark desire to lead america to a future of shredding the forests which so plagued his childhood
<lawastooshort_> Gosh, I didn't learn about that one at school

[lawastooshort]

Dammit, that's right! You are the Angry Speedo of Lincoln, full of repressed angry thoughts about destroying those damn hippy forests. Wait, what's a hippy? Ah, who cares, check out my awesome stripes! Yeah - they really accentuate my curves.

Now, what were we up to before we passed out and woke up covering Abe Lincoln's sweaty crotch?

[NightS]

OMG, this is going to be epic, posting to follow

[freeformschooler]

>Devising mildly sinister plans involving the exploitation of capitalism.

[Chink]

>Devising mildly sinister plans involving the exploitation of capitalism.

+1

[lawastooshort]

Hmm... Yes, that's right! You were just hanging out in Old Abe's pants, wondering how you could best abuse his position of power in order to exploit capitalism in order to uh... so that you could um... uh... Damned commies! Blasted trees!

I know! Congress! That's right! Those suckers are contractually obliged to do what you say or something. Or what Abe says. Who cares, you are the damned Angry Speedo of Lincoln! Yeah! You somehow will Lincoln to leave his not quite circular office and stroll in the direction of Congress. Is it a building? Who knows, we don't really get taught that kind of stuff in Belgium. I'm pretty sure it exists though, it's where Davy Crockett made his speech.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Name: The Angry Speedo of Lincoln
Appearance: Presidential Stripes
Health:
Items:
Abilities:

[MonkeyHead]

Relevant link is relevant

[Chink]

Make Linclon RAEG about the unfairness of capitalism.

[lawastooshort]

Dammit. You thought Abe knew the way to Congress, but apparently not. What is this place? Who are all these men dressed in tight black leather hotpants? They dare challenge you, O Angry Speedo of Lincoln? What the... hey! Get away from me! Hey! Oh! Ooh. Mmmm. Hey baby. I uh... I see you're uh... you're quite tight fitting yourself, eh... Buy you a drink?

Hey! Where you going! Hey man, you're my first true love! What the hell! What you doing down there? Hey Abe! Stop it man! No! Leave him alone! He's no capitalist! He don't... Stop kicking him there, man!

Abraham Lincoln jumps behind the bar, elbowing the barman in the face before ransacking the till and showering the dance floor with the liberated dollar bills. He grabs a bottle with his off-hand, smashing it down on the counter to fashion a makeshift but deadly weapon. Suddenly the music stops and the gathered party-goers turn towards the commotion.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Name: The Angry Speedo of Lincoln
Host: Abraham Lincoln
Appearance: Presidential Stripes
Status:
Items:
Abilities:

[lawastooshort]

Just then the angry gay bar owner throws open the nearby backroom door, making a dramatic entrance!

”Hey you!” he shouts, waving his arms at Lincoln. ”What the hell!”

He forward rolls towards the counter where he keeps his shotgun and grabs it as he leaps up to his feet, aiming it at the President.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Name: The Angry Speedo of Lincoln
Host: Abraham Lincoln
Appearance: Presidential Stripes
Status:
Items:
Abilities:

[USEC_OFFICER]

Jump off Lincoln's crotch and attack the bartender (preferably in the face).

Also posting to watch.

[lawastooshort]

Blast and damn – it’s intolerably hot in here with all this tension! You need to get some kind of air before you drown! Thankfully you’re designed for particularly wet environments; no harm should come to y- oh crap! Is that a shotgun? Pointing at your host cherished President? Noooooooo! We have great plans to fulfil! We have destiny to create! We…

Suddenly Abe Lincoln’s crotch shoots forwards in a pelvic thrust of  logic-defying dangerosity, and the Speedo bursts through his pants. It flies through the stale air behind the gay bar counter in a blur before landing wet and clammy but still warm upon the face of the bartender. A wave of realisation hits its first victim and he begins to scream! Abe Lincoln stands over him in his ruined pants.

“Yeah, you like that? You like that? Yeah, how you like that, bitch! Eat my Speedo!”

Now… how are you going to finish off this meddling punk?

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Name: The Angry Speedo of Lincoln
Host: Abraham Lincoln
Appearance: Presidential Stripes
Status:
Items:
Abilities: