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[exolyx]

I am a mason migrant, quick! To the walling myself into rooms!

[HmH]

Regarding the elves:
Like KodKod said, but lock the hippies in the cage trap-filled room to begin with and beat them with crossbows until they pass out.
This way, we'll have raving hippies in cages, subdued in the one true Conservative manner: merciless beating with sticks.
Oh, by the way, if the female goes stark raving mad, release her to wander the fortress. That sort of crazy has a peculiar tendency to drop their clothing piece by piece as they walk, and having elven strippers is always good for morale.

Anyway, a more detailed character sheet for me:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Proficient Alchemist (studying organic chemistry has its benefits, such as knowledge of how to brew knock-out gas with brimstone, saltpeter and booze)
Adequate Organizer
Novice Architect
Novice Siege Engineer (at least, I know enough about physics to draw plans that dwarves could turn into a siege engine. Give me two minutes and a piece of chalk and I'll draw up a tile-by-tile blueprint of a superweapon that uses cave-ins to propel carts to the speed of bolts)
Dabbling Brewer
Dabbling Cook
Dabbling Crossbowman
Willing to work glass, use bucklers and light armor, maintain and upgrade stills. High olfactory and auditory sensitivity.
Can't do high-strain and water-related work due to arthritis.

[Eric Blank]

Oh, by the way, if the female goes stark raving mad, release her to wander the fortress. That sort of crazy has a peculiar tendency to drop their clothing piece by piece as they walk, and having elven strippers is always good for morale.

I second this motion.

[JJtoocool]

Cage them, and link them to levers. May not be the most Dorfy way to do it, but the gobbos will chase down crazy elves just fine while the civilians escape.

Also, If you can get my dwarf to carry multiple sheilds + hammer/crossbow, that would be great.

Basically, while possible in theory, it would be completely impractical.

Why has construction not been initiated?

[wierd]

I threatened sweet, chemically induced asphixiation against anyone who gives me the "construct clear glass triode x500" build order.

Also, as the trained computer scientist, talvieno would be the poor schmuck punching hollerith cards/paper tape all day. As the story's author, I think he is refusing to permit himself that indignity, and I can't say I blame him.

[Loud Whispers]

Spoiler: ACTUAL DF SPOILERS (click to show/hide)

Genned a test world with lots of civilizations, after 1000 years there were 5 prominent civilizations, an elf island cut off from the rest of the world, a human/goblin island and on the mainland a corner of mountain controlled by a Dwarf nation, and across every single other mountain range in the world (as well as a load of annexed towns, cities, dark fortresses and forest retreats) stretched a Dwarf civ controlled by the Ubal, and a separated large body of land that the sky-whales took over. No wars between ubal/sky-whales sadly

Embarked with an ubal (dwarf avatar) civilization to test how they fared against the HFS.
Embarked on a terrifying glacier, dug down to a clown castle, fought through 8 pages of constantly resurrecting undead (lost two of the ubal to insanity, they had to be put down - not before they brought down another ubal), finally reached the candy sword in the center, and sure enough, more clowns then you'd ever need in a lifetime, most of them being fire clowns.

A brief synopsis of what's going on:

• There are still 70 assorted clowns fighting
• Over 24 clowns have been killed (so there were around 100 to start with)
• There were over 180 crundle skeletons and zombies in the pit alone, not including the ones in the clown castle that wouldn't stay dead. They're hovering around a population of 80, turns out clowns still hate the undead.
• 8 undead lost to friendly cave dust fire.
• The 11 ubal are scattered everywhere, being pushed back away from the pit, but they're slowly taking down all of the clowns. Also two of them are on fire, but they don't seem to mind. There's also a sky-whale on the surface killing around 3 dozen zombie ice wolves, it scares me. It's blood is everywhere, and it won't die.

Will update when the Dwarves die, conquer the HFS or the sky-whale decides to attack

[Kaleb702 Games]

I would be the brain of DOrFOS, the AI in charge of the fortresses's traps and various machinery.

Just don't find a way to make neurotoxin.

[wierd]

Too late. Phosgene is easily prepared.

phosgene


*whistles*

[Talvieno]

Okay, then... The verdict appears to be, "beat the elves with sticks and then catch them in cages". Sounds like fun. Very... us.

Oliolli, KodKod - neither of you will get romanced by anyone, let me assure you. Unless something bad* happens.

Garath - I seriously, seriously hope you aren't serious about that.  :| I'm trying to keep tantrum spirals from happening.

Wierd, nobody would give you the x500 triode order. You'd be making 2.5 billion or none at all. It's just not the Bay12 way.

Kaleb702 - KodKod is going to be breeding giant scorpions. I'm sure you'll find a way to utilize that.


_*Fun

[Gizogin]

If we're caging the elves, might I humbly request one or two for, uh, testing?  I have a few radical new procedures I want to try out, and elven volunteers would be ideal.

[wierd]

Your request for "two elven test subjects" as been granted!

Contained in this package are (2, male) elven prisoners (of ambiguous sexual orientation)!

When captured, the prisoners were (in posession of 'wooden scepters' of assorted sizes, and ropereed dresses while) attempting to trade (an assortment of loincloths and female clothing) at the trade depot!

We look forward to the results of you scientific experiments!

Signed, 12th bay scientific resourcing and development comittee

[wierd]

Your request for "two elven test subjects" as been granted!

Contained in this package are (2, male) elven prisoners (of ambiguous sexual orientation)!

When captured, the prisoners were (in posession of 'wooden scepters' of assorted sizes, and ropereed dresses while) attempting to trade (an assortment of loincloths and female clothing) at the trade depot!

We look forward to the results of you scientific experiments!

Signed, 12th bay scientific resourcing and development comittee

[Garath]

Garath - I seriously, seriously hope you aren't serious about that.  :| I'm trying to keep tantrum spirals from happening.

nah, but it was a fun contrast with the last few who wanted nothing more than to be sociopaths 

Though seriously, If "me" can spend his time just helping out at the farm and brewing as needed, rest of the time chilling out drinking his own brews and talking to people, fine with me.

[wierd]

You make sociopathic tendencies sound like such a BAD thing..... seriously, nothing is funnier than watching an elf turn blue in the face, hyperventallate in wide-eyed terror as their blood stops transporting oxygen.

After eating a sugar roasted almond.

My job here is done.

[Gizogin]

Your request for "two elven test subjects" as been granted!

Contained in this package are (2, male) elven prisoners (of ambiguous sexual orientation)!

When captured, the prisoners were (in posession of 'wooden scepters' of assorted sizes, and ropereed dresses while) attempting to trade (an assortment of loincloths and female clothing) at the trade depot!

We look forward to the results of you scientific experiments!

Signed, 12th bay scientific resourcing and development comittee

Why, they're perfect!  Just set them (in separate cages) in one of the operating theaters.  You'll have to wait for a bit while I clear out all these cats, though.
Speaking of which, my experimentation on the cats has produced some useful data about feline reproduction: dead cats don't breed.  While obvious in hindsight, I only stumbled upon this discovery after one of the cats to which I was welding a large metal box expired.  Anyway, a few cats did manage to survive the operation, and will now keep their litters contained.  Should anyone want to remove the kittens for any reason, I put a small hatch into the kitten-boxes.  Be advised, however, that you may have to dislocate/break several of the kitten's bones in order to remove it.  Apparently, I overestimated the flexibility of newborn cats.