I'm a sadistic schemer myself!
Here's my angle: the punishment must fit the crime. The more ironic the sadistic punishment compared to the crime, the more beautiful it is.
Take for instance, my 12th birthday. My cousins from Alabama had come to visit. My cousin and I have birthdays a single day apart. Because of that, we had a combined birthday party. While setting everything up, we discovered we didn't have icecream, so we all packed up and headed into town to get some.
While we were gone, the neighbor kid, whom I DID NOT invite, snuck into my house, stood on a shelf inside the cabinet that was filled with mason jars filled with mom's home-made spaghetti sauce, and literally gorged his fat little face with his grubbly little hands with my and my cousin's birthday cake, ruining the cake, breaking the shelf in the cabinet, breaking the jars of sauce all over the kitchen floor.
This is when I started creating the !!*<*EVIL PLAN*>*!!.
This kid could not resist sweets in any form. At the time, I was a consumate creator of sweet, delicious confections. (Baking is a vice, I swear. There is nothing as dangerous as knowing how to make delicious cake whenever you want.) Using this terrible knowledge, I concocted a new form of evil.
Habenero chocolate fudge brownies.
I created them using a small pressure cooker, slightly ground habenero pepper seeds, a few table spoons of everclear (refined corn alcohol. 99.7% ethanol), and about a cup of water. Using the pressure cooker and the edible solvent solution, I extracted the capsacin from the habenero seeds, strained the mix through a coffee filter, and used the resulting liquid fire to create half of the brownie batch. The other half used milk instead.
In terms of texture, flavor, and color, the only difference was that the habenero ones were slightly darker, and had a delayed onset of "pepperspray intense" hotness.
Armed with my deadly confections, I went past the party pooper's house, to his *other* neighbor. I told that neighbor kid all about what happened, and my viscious evil plan.
You see, his house had a side door that directly faced the party crashers. Sitting on that porch with a pitcher of milk, we ate every last one of the "safe" brownies, in direct sight of the offender. The offending little oinker asked repeatedly if he could have a brownie. We told him no, he could not.
After eating all the good brownies, we acted full, and retired to his back yard behind the privacy fence to jump on the trampoline; leaving the platter of evil ones right there on the porch unprotected.
About 5 minutes pass, and then we hear an awful, blood curdling shriek, followed by unimaginable wailing, and a door slam.
The slam was not the door of the offender's house.
Worried that I had dosed the younger baby brother of the kid I had recruited in my evil plan, I rush inside to find not an innocent youngster, but the intended mark, blubbering, shreiking, and trying to wash his eyes in the sink with warm water......
The idea that he would rub his eyes with hot pepper juiced hands, essentially pepperspraying himself, had not occured to me. However, the result was absolutely delicious. Being the big softy that I am deep down inside, I pulled him away from the sink, stuffed him into a kitchen chair, and saturated a fresh paper towel with cold milk and told him to use it like a compress.
Needless to say, his mother was exceedingly cross with me. I bluntly told her that I didn't offer him any, and that he shouldn't have taken them. (She didn't like that too much.)
Inspection of the plate revealed that he managed to inhale 5 brownies before the 2-3 second delay kicked in.
Let's just say he never dared to eat any of my desserts ever again.