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[Karlito]

I'll start posting my press releases that never got published. This one is quite old, though there haven't been a great many changes since the end of the Ulm War.

After a siege that lasted through the spring and into the early summer, the forces of Mictlan finally seized the Ruined Keep of Ulm. Backed by the Spiders from Mars, a group of elite Mictlan priests and a horde of fanatical jaguar warriors, Ziggy Stardust, beloved prophet and musician, has sent the metal loving Ulmmensch fleeing for their lives. The Spiders from Mars attribute their success mostly to the gratuitous employment of pyrotechnics both on the field of battle and during their nightly shows.


Ulmish crowds enjoying the pyrotechnics.

It's been rumored that Ishaahn, the dark God of Ulm himself, has finally faced the music, and after declaring Ziggy the "King of Rock," abdicated his godhood, retiring to the lovely shores of Tartaraus. With this news, the Spiders announced plans to extend their current tour and visit locations around the scenic Ulmmensch countryside despite the death of half the group in a series of unfortunate accidents.


Ishaahn at his retirement party.

EDIT: Oh, and I wrote an limerick for the poetry corner.

There was a bloody fountain called Ishaahn
Who sought to win with sheer Ulmish brawn
But his reliance on scales
Caused his nation to fail
And now he wishes that magic he hadn't forgone

[Boksi]

I'd like to note that I have no idea how I'm leading on provinces and both gold and gem income.

Well, actually I do, it's because I have more provinces and higer incomes than anybody else. But I have no idea how I managed that with a bunch of monkeys.

Also, Project Kill Anything is nearly finished. I predict its usage upon the hapless besieging army of R'lyeh, who foolishly bear down upon the gates of Ecnaphale. You know how I have national summons with four arms that can cloud trapeze and are all-around tough? Not that I'm implying anything.

[Karlito]

Well, you did happen to get the larger chunk of the land in our partition of continent one, and I've been busy fighting most of R'lyeh's armies since then (and forgetting to send in my turns).

[Il Palazzo]

Perhaps it's time to change sides, eh Karlito?

[Karlito]

Honestly, at this point, the most assistance R'lyeh (or anyone else) could offer against Patala is by giving me their gem income. I'm happy with the present arrangement, and as it's going, the coming turns will see the destruction of R'lyeh, Man, and Midgard, and then the real fight can begin.

[Simmura McCrea]

All right, I'm giving up and going AI. I had fun, though.

[Boksi]

Project Kill Anything is so close, I can almost taste it.

No wait, that's just the sleep deprivation. Still close though. I can start live testing soon. Until I do, I'm putting my hopes on Gundam.

EDIT: How effective are remote attack spells at killing stealthed units sitting on your forts? I know mind hunt can hit stealthed units but that's a bad idea against stealthy astral mages. I gotta get rid of this bastard.

[Boksi]

Anybody care to post the message?

Don't ask which message, I'm sure you know which one it is. Everybody received it but me. I got a much more boring one, because I'm the one who did it.

[Karlito]

A dire portent indeed.


Now you need to go back through your email attachments and post mine .

[Korbac]

A dispel, by any chance? XD

[Boksi]

Gundam almost took R'lyeh. Seriously, he killed everything but the freaking PD starspawn, and he might've killed him too if he hadn't picked up a limp in the fight and therefore been able to move fast enough. Maybe I should've put a horror helmet on him. Or picked a chassis that could regenerate.

Bah, who cares. The Gundam was just an experiment.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'll go find that looming hell message for you sometime, Karlito.

[Karlito]

Wow, uhhh. What are you going to do with all those gems?

[Boksi]

Wow, uhhh. What are you going to do with all those gems?

Beats me! I just like gems!

Worst case scenario, it's ten pearls per turn.

[Karlito]

So, out of curiosity, is R'lyeh also hitting your capital monthly with evil dreams of insanity? At this rate, Huitzilopochtli will be so spaced out he won't be able to appreciate the world at all once he rules it.

[Boksi]

That's probably his stealthy ethereal starspawn ghosts. Just patrol for them and kill them. Although they might simply be scripted to cast returning.