I still think it's an acceptable break from reality. The thing I'd be concerned about is a break of flow. Those lyrics are long enough to break the flow of a chapter, 'specially with how short some of your chapters tend to be. An insert should never outweigh the rest of the content in a chapter. Mr Frog is probably right. Pick out the parts that are most emotionally significant to Vanya.
D: ...Short? Really?
None of them (at least the ones past chapter
are shorter than 3000 words... and that's about half of the 40,000 character limit. I knew they weren't
long, but short?
really? huh... well, I guess
could be, relatively speaking...
However, that also means that the song (180 words) is just
6% of the length of one of my chapters, so it wouldn't necessarily interrupt the flow.
It does break the suspension of disbelief, though. I can remember lyrics to songs pretty easily, if I've heard them enough:
(You Are The Moon)
Darkness all around you as you
Surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of
Night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness, everywhere;
Do you feel all alone
The subtle grace of gravity;
The heavy weight of stone
You don't see what you possess:
A beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and fills the darkness
Like a chandelier
All the light that you possess
Is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect,
Is all that you believe
I will bring a mirror,
So silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine,
A perfect plane of glass
I will set the mirror up
To face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every
Moment that you rise
But Vanya only gets to hear her song
once. Yes, I've established that her memory is uncommonly good (and attributed it to Mr Frog's experiments/training), but keep in mind that she's also
dancing while part of the song is playing, and then crying, and also preoccupied with her thoughts. (Yes, Vanya dances. In my notes, that's even the name of the scene: "Vanya Dances".)
That'll be hard. lol I don't know if you've ever tried to say stuff at the same time as somebody else online before, but when you try to do it in Skype, it comes out as a huge mess due to the tiny fraction-of-a-second lag delays. I guess we could each record ourselves singing it and then send it in, but then you lose the "as a group" feeling and you feel singled out. Or maybe you weren't really serious and I'm taking you too seriously. (also, I imagined a girl singing it. random.)
Honestly, a bunch of untrained amateurs taking turns recording themselves singing an amateur's attempt at setting a tune to amateur lyrics and then syncing it all up afterwards into a horrifying ear-raping clusterfuck seems as pure an expression of the spirit of succession forts as one can possibly achieve. (Holy wow that sentence was long.)
I lol'd. I agree quite heartily. It'd be extremely amusing. If I'm singing, though, you're singing too. >.> It took me forever to talk myself into
humming that little bit that's somewhere in the thread.
Oh I am so double-timing that synthing now. That's the best thing I've read all day.
(I hope you guys don't mind a slow tempo, but these lyrics lend themselves to a slow, kinda swingin' beat~)
I imagine the lyrics might be relatively slow, but the music itself would probably be upbeat and pretty fast. That's just in my head, though. Also, for the record, you can switch up the verses however you see fit. I couldn't decide between using the chorus three times, or using it twice... And couldn't decide whether I wanted to cut two of the stanzas out of there or not.
@McClellan: I think I missed one of your posts... I'm going to have to go back through and search for it. In the meantime:
Mmm... In time I'll get around to the fifth bit. Talvi, I didn't forget what I have agreed to do for you, but man it might well take a while. In the meantime, anything you'd like me to contribute to the actual Vanya story? Art? Words? I can do either or hire talented folke in both to do so. A'matter of fact, my significant other might well be able to contribute much high-quality visuals to the Vanya story. Just give me a summary of where we are now and I'll see what I can do.
Talvi, are you feeling any better than you were?
I'm feeling much better now, thanks to you guys. I'm finally getting into the swing of things again.
Wish I'd come here first off, even though I do feel somewhat embarrassed for dumping everything on everybody. >.>
And... don't worry about how long it takes.
If it gets here at all, I'll be tickled pink. (not literally.)
As to contributing to the actual Vanya story... Read it first.
And don't skip to the last chapters I'm posting, either. XD I could spoil the whole thing for you, but then some of the plot twists just fall flat. (I don't always put in plot twists, but when I do,
I prefer Spearbreakers Bitters they tend to be biggish.) And I'd love art.
I'm curious about these high-quality visuals you speak of. There are a few places that sorely need a piece of art... like Urist and Vanya sharing their almost-kiss in the gorlak cave (seems like a pic-worthy moment).
Yes lyrics yes. Can and will do. Might not sound too great. Still try. But I can't compose. I'm too broken to do. Never finished training. Timing so quintessential, so complex too. Fractured sentences.... I will have the results soon(-ish) but I will try to sing Talvien's song. Talvien, you had damn well sing your own song too sometime. We'll help establish the music of the thing, but you need to sing it yourself. It is the pinnacle of achievement in such, yes? Yes. And I want to see you show some confidence to your friends. Noone's gonna laugh, so be brave with it. ( At any rate, noone's gonna laugh at you. If they do, I'm pretty sure Mr Frog will flay them alive. Noone laugh at me either, eh? ) Compose yon' ehrfail, will do the vocals. Yes... Matter o' fact might cross inspire yes? I make an ugly muse, but ah well, since when has something so vain as a face been a factor in the minds of the truly inspired? Pfft. Silly modern music industry and it's silly silliness. Danke schon alle. Gute Nacht mein freunde.
Aw, flapping carp pancakes. >.> I can sing, but I just about die doing it. Nervousness + shy + embarrassment. At least I don't have as big of an ego as I did before my voice changed, I guess. But, finnnnneeeee. I'll do it. lol And I won't laugh at you either.
erhail shall make excellent musics, I am sure. I attempted it this morning, and it was a shabby attempt. I came up with a melody for the lyrics, but sadly, couldn't find a time signature that fit it quite the way I wanted it to. (It wound up ending at a bizarre cross between a 4/4 and a 5/4.)
@Lolfail: I need to read that stuff.
Today's been a bit busy for me, but I'll be sure to get everything read soon.
(also, random and unrelated to everything: I appear to have an attachment_modifier (in raws terms) to any music that contains a piano.)