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[Kidiri]

Schist, another thread about Gneiss puns. You're Mica me sick.

If anybody even talcs about making another rock-pun, I'm gonna jet out of here and diorite.

Also: Is your name Mica? 'Cos you've got perfect cleavage.

[Nirur Torir]

You call those dwarven jokes? Where's the magma? Where are the elves, that should be in the magma? (Not the smelting magma. Use the trash disposal magma, as they tend to pollute the smelting magma and weaken your metal)

Okay, so there was this elf, right? Well, she was poking around in the fortress of MountainBellows, and she pulled a lever. She was shortly covered in magma.

Then there was another elf. She claimed to be a male. I chopped the beardless one in half for her lies, then gave her bones to the next group of elves I saw. It was the perfect opportunity to flood the depot with magma again.

I saw an elf diplomat once who yelled at me for cutting a tree. I pushed her into a pit and pulled the lever to flood it with magma.

An elf once tried to attack me while I was trying to get a drink. Naturally I ignored her, and she continued hitting me with her stick. She nearly made me spill a drop - yes yes, settle down; I hit her into the magma with my axe for it. It really was a close call with that drop of ale though.

[Yarn]

This thread makes my head hurt.

[Lemunde]

What does a dwarven submarine sound like? 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Magma displacement.

What does a dwarf call one cat too many? 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Three bones, three chunks, three meat, one fat and one skull.

[Urist McCheeseMaker]

What does a dwarf call one elf too many? 

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Seven bones, one skull and thousands upon thousands of nearly-worthless wooden crafts.

Fixed that for you.

[chaturga]

One of the nobles mandated that we fill the floor of his room with dead fish.

We didn't know what exactly he wanted, so instead we made him a lovely Carp-et

[monk12]

What's funnier than a dead elf?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A dead elf in a Funhouse!

Whats the difference between a dead elf and a trampoline?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You take off your =Iron High Boots= before you jump on a trampoline

What's blue and flies around at high speeds?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

An elf after he meets a Hammerdwarf

How many elves does it take to paint your fortress?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Depends how high up you drop'm

What do you call elf blood when its spattered all over the walls?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Art

How do you make an elf fall down a pit?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Pull the lever

[ungulateman]

How do you make a dwarf laugh?

Kill another non-human, non-dwarf sentient being.

[UristMcGunsmith]

I was too busy being offended at the thought of dwarves not being able to drink alcohol to get the pun.

So a Dwarf and an Elf walk into a bar, the Dwarf orders a pint of Dwarven Ale and the Elf orders a water, and Urist realizes that the Elf is in fact not a hallucination and chops his fucking head off.

At an elfs house

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Tholtig.

Tholtig wh- OH FUCK RUN AWAY

[Retro]

This thread reminds me of a couple pages in the 'What's going on in your fort?' thread where the discussion turned into rock-based jokes about dwarven strip clubs.

[ungulateman]

"Your name must be Mica, 'cus you have perfect cleavage!"

...Sad, sad people. I remember that.

[bombcar]

I was listening to some music, and got me an idea for a support. Made of bone. Cat bone. Not pet cat bone, thought.

Yes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoG62Wi8twU

[roguester]

What happens when the beard is cut off a dwarf?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It grows back.

Sometimes the dwarf grows a new beard too.