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[Quarr]

I'm not going to even try and make my writing out to seem decent, but man, you need to pay closer attention to the tenses and formatting and try to fix up your dialogue. I'm horrible at writing dialogue, but a tip, stuff like:

"I don’t know why but it just seemed everything was going to go horrible[sic] wrong if I didn’t leave the place.” Said Rolf, shivering when he mentioned the man.

does not read well. Generally you use commas in place of periods at the end of quotations, like so:

"I don’t know why but it just seemed everything was going to go horribly wrong if I didn't leave this place," said Rolf, shivering when he mentioned the man.

Unnecessary capitalization is unsightly and there's a lot of it throughout your story.

I don't practice writing at all either. I don't even do much reading (aside from the forums) so I might be wrong, but the current state your story is in reads like fanfiction.

[Supermikhail]

Yup, somebody wanted to finish his story...

[Jackrabbit]

Proofread man. Some sentences didn't parse, and the grammar and spelling is terrible. Proofread a million and one times and then proofread again, just to get into the habit.

[Supermikhail]

Yup, proofread.

Some sentences don't parse, and the grammar and the spelling are terrible.

[Jackrabbit]

You're reaching there. I was speaking in past tense; the sentences didn't parse when I was reading them. And I'm certain that saying 'the grammar and spelling' is accurate, as I am saying that they were both terrible. No need to add the extra 'the'.

At worst, it's lazy English, but we're posting an internet forum and you're not looking for A-grade essay material every post. However, since Huesoo presumably was looking to make his story A-grade material (or the equivalent in England) lazy English is going to be slightly more frowned upon. Not by much though.

Uh, why did you try and call me out on this again? It's tangentially related to the topic at best and a pretty terrible joke too. Not that I'm annoyed or anything.

Remember I'll always love you.

[Supermikhail]

  Let's say it's a mediocre joke.

[Josephus]

Actually, he's technically correct. Since he's referring to parsing the sentence personally, "didn't" is the proper tense. Similarly, grammar and spelling can be taken as a compound.

[Jackrabbit]

Like I said, I think it's acceptable in common usage, if a bit lazy of me. It's not a particularly bad or even noteworthy mistake, and I'm not looking to write a story and get good marks, which is what Huesoo is doing, so it doesn't work as a snide remark or a dig or a joke or whatever, really.

[Supermikhail]

Oh, well. Although, I could swear I saw a couple of Jackrabbit stories on the early pages of Creative Projects... I think I'm even remembering there was something spacey and looking like a beginning of a novel, but abandoned sadly.

[Jackrabbit]

Everything I've written, posted and left on this site haunts my nightmares.

They're probably not that bad and I'm just being the worst judge of my own work again. But I have been literally eaten alive by several of them on particularly sleepless nights.

[Huesoo]

At worst, it's lazy English, but we're posting an internet forum and you're not looking for A-grade essay material every post. However, since Huesoo presumably was looking to make his story A-grade material (or the equivalent in England) lazy English is going to be slightly more frowned upon. Not by much though.

Nope, I just wanted it done.

[Jackrabbit]

You didn't want to get a good grade or anything? Why not?

[Josephus]

It's just how he rolls, playa, don't be hatin fo the way he is.

[Huesoo]

You didn't want to get a good grade or anything? Why not?

Because it was easy man, I got a good grade on the gothic grade. I didnt really need to try. If I wanted a great grade I wouldnt of started the story the day before it was due and I would of proof read it.

[Quarr]

Because it was easy man, I got a good grade on the gothic grade. I didnt really need to try. If I wanted a great grade I wouldnt of started the story the day before it was due and I would of proof read it.

Would have, man.