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[WillowLuman]

Wait, you guys know each other IRL enough that Descan knows your crush?

Not really. _{It's someone on the forum}

[Neonivek]

Let me translate for you.

"I wouldn't do that, so I don't think you would do that."

:Y

Sorry if "By the way I just tapped that dad! Ohh yeah!" is something a I'd be a little suspicious about.

It is just a few steps above normalcy that I'd accept straight up.

It is something straight from a RomCom "Son did you sneak a man in here and bang him? You know we wait for marriage in this house!" "But Daaaaaaad his ass is so fine! You know I had to tap that" "I don't care if he has the finest ass in all of England, you introduce us first"

Forgive me if I just don't take that situation at face value.

[Sheb]

Well, I did it with GF a couple times already. But it's true that I might warn it beforehand... Although the surprised look on my family's faces.... :p

[ShoesandHats]

Well, I did it with GF a couple times already.

Geez, no need to brag.

That feeling. I've recently developed an attraction to someone of the same gender, and having been asexual for as long as I can remember, feel pretty unsure about telling people. It's not that I fear bigotry, it's that I feel like I'll suddenly be classified under a label, even though I don't feel gay, or bi. I feel like me.

But perhaps we don't actually have to tell people, unless there's some logistical/practical concern to it.

_{I don't want to hijack your thread. Just want to commiserate.}

Don't feel bad about talking about your own experience. It's nice to know that people in a similar situation feel the same way. Not in like, a sadistic way, but in a "I'm glad my fears aren't completely irrational" sort of way.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Why would you feel the need to tell anyone you're bi? The people who want to know are usually the cartoonishly evil/churchy/stupidly indoctrinated people, and the people who are close to you probably dont give a shit whether youre bi, gay, or attracted only to illegal immigrants.

[Calidovi]

An identity may just be the greatest thing you bear; it lets you accomplish and reap the mental benefits of accomplishing. If you feel that you are going to lose touch with who you've been all your life, as well as potentially (probably not though) alienating some close friends and family, I wouldn't recommend it. Coming out as bi, at least in my opinion, isn't all too necessary. In the end, life can go on as it always has.


^{Unless you want to come out. That's cool too.}

[Grek]

You should prioritize figuring out if you are bi over what to do if you are. So I recommend going out and trying to flirt with guys until you figure it out.

[Eagleon]

Because straight is considered the norm, coming out for any orientation is a continual process. It's not about pushing it in anyone's face, it's about applying a bullshit filter over your life - the people that will make your life hell are easier to keep away from you if you know them for what they are from the start. Being out means you can talk to your friends and family about all the little things. That adds up to much deeper trust than if you just hide this part of yourself. I unreservedly encourage you to come out as you become more comfortable with that side of yourself, because it's never easy, but it does make you stronger.

There are no bi hangouts. In some ways, being bisexual is very difficult - there are even gay people that think we're just not admitting that we're gay, and it's hard to make friends with those people for the same reason that it's hard to make friends with the ones that think we're just confused - they want to change you. The 'typical' homosexual stereotype is part of a complex dance between letting people know you're gay and keeping your own identity - for bisexuals, especially bisexual men, it can be very difficult to stay out, and many of us become closeted over time as convenience. Ignorance in this case will follow you through your heterosexual relationships to cock-block you when you break up and start looking for another partner - if you have any public presence, you'll be seen as "switching sides" if you date someone the "wrong" gender. It sucks.

But basically, your goal is to not-give-a-fuck in the Mark Manson sense. Date who you want to date. Flirt with whoever. People may be surprised, but it's not their business at all. You may get it wrong - learn to fail gracefully and roll with people's rejection, because it's not them rejecting you, it's good old fear of the unknown.

[wierd]

I dont know. My folks took mine very well. Somehow "I have no attraction to anyone or anything" seems to jive very nicely with their religiously themed hyper-chaste views on sex.

[Mel_Vixen]

Well being bi doesnt change who you are, you are you no matter what. If you carry that up front labels will quickly go away atleast in my experience. Still you might get flac by a few idiots and for those situations someone wiser then me said "Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind" which is a good idea to life by.

Hiding your true self might also lead to problems, often you suffer just as much from being quiet.
Being quiet can also harm your loved ones the people that are just like you. It might hurt your Loved one's if you cant be loving in public, if you have to lie about your relationship. It also hurts you since deep down you want to be loveydovey and such and eventually you will feel guilty. I have seen many that ask themselves "Why am i hiding this if its not wrong?", good people that just broke over that BS - its not wrong period.

 Alas sometimes for your own safety it might be required to shut up.

Hearing slurs and bigoted Bullshit will hurt you either way. Bigots often think they have the "silent" majority and take it upon themselves to speak for that imagined majority. Showing them that they dont speak for you, may be hard, it may get you in trouble but its the right thing to do. Then again i dont judge you if you weight your safety against it.


You say you have an accepting family, i think thats a very good thing and that you shouldnt hide your sexuality from them. Be open with them they will understand and if they love you they love you no less, you can only win.

edit: also songrats for the Scotus descission on marriage, must be a very good day to be LGBTQI in the USA.

[Jo]

Being a bi dude is pretty rough. It's not like being a bi girl, that's for sure. You can get your ass kicked if you aren't careful in some areas.

So yeah, coming out is a big decision.

Make sure you figure out for sure your preferences before you come out, that's my advice. And some people you probably never need to come out to. I didn't see if you still lived at home, if you do, well, I hate to say it but you can wait until you are out of the house to tell your parents. It might suck to live in secret for awhile but if you are unsure of their reaction then it's best to move out first.

As for finding out what you are into, that's very easy for guys. What do you jerk off too? Do you watch gay porn or straight porn? That's pretty much how you know. It's very straight forward. You can load up some Porn Hub right now and see what does it for you.

You really don't want to go telling family though until you are sure. I don't know your parents, but I know most parents are a little overly dramatic about such things.

Also, in general, as a dude you are far more subject to violence and ridicule than women. So be careful if you are listening to lesbians or bi-girls. They are in a very different situation when it comes to blow back.

Good luck man!

[RedKing]

Meh, I don't typically broadcast myself. Just too much shit to deal with, and frankly the people who I might tell don't need to know. Especially male friends because I don't want them suddenly thinking I'm hitting on them or something when absolutely none of them are of interest to me. The handful of people who do know are all female (other than those men who would know by default, if ya get my meaning).

[Jiokuy]

Honestly, from my experience in a very backwards US state.

A) Keep it on the down low, if they aren't:
--A Trustworthy Friend u want to talk to about it, (e.g. fawning over a nice piece of booty)
--A Family member you want to introduce your long term S.O.,
--or someone who only knows you anonomosly, so little chance of a backfire.
Well then do they really need to know?

B) If you're in a homosexual relationship, just let people assume you're gay, unless you're looking for a poly relationship, it isn't worth the effort to correct them, and sometimes you come across as having a stick up the pooper.
The same goes for straight relationships, NBN (non-binary) ones are harder, personally I try to match whatever they are presenting as, but that doesn't always work down here.

C) Trustworthy friends are amazing, remember though the LGBT+ community has just as many bigots as the rest of the population, and bisexuals are a popular target. Keep a stiff upper lip, and imo avoid the toxic people, they aren't worth your time.
But seriously, having someone to confide your feelings in, and ask for a second opinion is amazing, infatuation can make you do dumb stuff sometimes.

That feeling. I've recently developed an attraction to someone of the same gender, and having been asexual for as long as I can remember, feel pretty unsure about telling people. It's not that I fear bigotry, it's that I feel like I'll suddenly be classified under a label, even though I don't feel gay, or bi. I feel like me.

I am and was in a similar situation. As it turns out I'm Demi-sexual (Asexual with exceptions for people I have a strong connection to). Labels are only tools though, so many people seem to want to use sexuality as a way to divide the population along partisan lines. It really is unfortunate.

Also yeah, the butt is the holy the grail of the modern world. (Descan, would you be interested in PMing me about your worship of the booty?)

[Jo]

"Demi-sexual"

I like that one. Never heard it before.

What's it called when you'd fuck anyone or anything who wants to, any time, however they want it, but when in a relationship you are fiercely monogamous? I've always wondered if there was a word for me. :-)