Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[ShoesandHats]

For all of my life, I've just sort of taken it for granted that I'm straight. I've never felt uncomfortable with that label, and I've never felt like I've been lying to myself or others about who I am. After all this, it was with some surprise that I realized I might be bi. Not only that, but that there's a pretty large likelihood that I am.

Now, I almost feel bad asking for advice here because there are a fair number of LGBTQ and sometimes Y people here who have had to face rejection from friends and family, and who have struggled with depression because of the societal treatment of their identity, whereas I (at least from my point of view) am in a pretty cushy position in terms of coming out. My family has told me before that they would accept me no matter my religion, gender identity or sexuality. I live in Seattle, probably one of the least bad places in the world to not be straight. All my friends are just as liberal as me, if not more. Yet, I still don't know if I feel comfortable coming out.

I just feel that if I come out, regardless of people's acceptance, I'll lose my individual identity to some extent. I feel like instead of people just seeing me as myself, they'll see me as 'that bi guy'. If nothing else, this whole experience has affirmed my belief that gender identity and sexual orientation are thought of as being much larger parts of someone's identity than they are. Who you're attracted to and what gender you are have such little impact on personality, but they're treated like integral parts of yourself as a person.

Should I come out at all? What if I think later that I actually am straight and I have to tell that to people? I don't feel like I'm doing myself any great disservice by only expressing half my sexuality, so should I take the risk and be honest or just stay in my comfort zone?

Excuse any awkward wording or spelling, I'm basically just venting on my kindle at midnight.

[Cheeetar]

The people who know that I'm bisexual don't really care that much- certainly, I've never been known as 'that bi guy'. It hasn't had a large or even moderate effect on the way people see me. You shouldn't feel obliged to 'come out' in a major way to everyone you know, but if you are interested in pursuing relationships with men you'll probably have to at some point indicate that you're interested in men as well as women.

[Neonivek]

The fact of the matter is... "Coming out" isn't necessarily required at all. At least in terms of your close family members. (I find that the people who have this "Well you HAVE to come out" mentality are... straight people who don't really understand the social stigma around homo/bisexuality)... because at the end of the day often times you value that safety, security, friendly and familial bond far more then sexual acceptance.

Only you can decide if it is something that needs to be done. No one can really answer that for you.

As for "What if it turns out I am actually straight?" that is certainly possible, but usually there is a reason... But I don't really read that from you.

[Rose]

I'm straight, so you can take this with a grain of salt, but the way I see it, the list of people that need to know consists of... potential boyfriend. That's about it, really.

[Neonivek]

I'm straight, so you can take this with a grain of salt, but the way I see it, the list of people that need to know consists of... potential boyfriend. That's about it, really.

No that is fairly enlightened IMO. People take someone in the closet as a sort of crusade to parade their gayness for all their friends and family to see a lot of the time. As if it was a game

[ShoesandHats]

I guess I have sort of taken for granted that I would have to come out eventually, when that isn't really true. My main concern is that I might actually not be bi, but only realize it after I come out. It would be far more awkward to have to correct myself than to come out in the first place, I feel.

Despite the hemming and hawing, though, I'm feeling pretty good for various reasons. All this introspection has given me a few realizations I feel I wouldn't have had otherwise, as well. Feeling like I'm part of a pretty small minority for once in my life has made me rethink some things.

[Descan]

There's really only one way to find out if your interested in men or are indeed straight. If it's of concern, I would wait until after that before telling anybody besides a potential boyfriend.

[Harry Baldman]

Remember, the Kinsey scale's based on the people you've had sex with, not who you'd potentially have sex with, because as far as I know there's no real way to quantify your sexuality except by its results. The same approach works here, methinks. And where exactly you stand on the Kinsey scale is really none of anyone's business.

Also, as far as I know, everybody likes dudes at least a little bit, but not everyone does so sufficiently (or circumstances never quite align, you never know) to ever go the distance with them. A lot of people who like dudes as well as ladies might also just deliberately choose to go for one or the other (maybe under the mistaken belief that it always has to be one or the other and that it's terribly indecisive to not pick one).

[Cheeetar]

Remember, the Kinsey scale's based on the people you've had sex with, not who you'd potentially have sex with, because as far as I know there's no real way to quantify your sexuality except by its results.

It's not really that simple. IIRC the Kinsey Scale also took into account how you react to the idea of sex with certain genders.

[WillowLuman]

I just feel that if I come out, regardless of people's acceptance, I'll lose my individual identity to some extent. I feel like instead of people just seeing me as myself, they'll see me as 'that bi guy'. If nothing else, this whole experience has affirmed my belief that gender identity and sexual orientation are thought of as being much larger parts of someone's identity than they are. Who you're attracted to and what gender you are have such little impact on personality, but they're treated like integral parts of yourself as a person.

That feeling. I've recently developed an attraction to someone of the same gender, and having been asexual for as long as I can remember, feel pretty unsure about telling people. It's not that I fear bigotry, it's that I feel like I'll suddenly be classified under a label, even though I don't feel gay, or bi. I feel like me.

But perhaps we don't actually have to tell people, unless there's some logistical/practical concern to it.

_{I don't want to hijack your thread. Just want to commiserate.}

[Descan]

* Descan prepares to proselytize about his butt-touching religion

dude touch his butt

[WillowLuman]

He's well aware of my feelings towards him. If you want to know who it is, I could PM. For some reason I've found it easier to tell people about it one-on-one rather than as a general thing.

[Sheb]

Wait, you guys know each other IRL enough that Descan knows your crush?

Anyway, I don't really see why you should be telling anyone until you've got a boyfriend. Unless you wants some of your friends' advice on exploring your sexuality, in which case the best thing is to tell them you suspect you might be bi and just be honest about where you are.

I'm fairly certain that if I were to discover myself bi, my coming out would be my dad finding a cute boy at the breakfast table one day.

[Neonivek]

I'm fairly certain that if I were to discover myself bi, my coming out would be my dad finding a cute boy at the breakfast table one day.

I am not sure I would show a girlfriend to my dad that way yet alone make it a way to Segway into "Ohh by the way I am totally gay".

So I am going to go on a limb here and say... No I don't think that is how you would do it.

[Descan]

Let me translate for you.

"I wouldn't do that, so I don't think you would do that."

:Y