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[femmelf]

So i don't even know....

I hear every little thing that goes wrong and I tense up and overreact, with a slight freak out. That usually doesn't help (though thankfully none of them have been overly detrimental so far).

It's been pissing off my boyfriend lately. I don't know what to do or to tell him.

I also don't really know how to cope without stressing out.

He feels like an emotional crutch and like he's being used a bit for that. I have no idea what to do.

[kaijyuu]

Hrm, lots of things that could cause this sort of thing. If you've any big, hefty stressors (like a very demanding job) that would likely be the cause.

I will note that your boyfriend being a bit of an emotional crutch isn't a bad thing. That sort of thing is part of relationships; to be there for each other. But if it's like, a big part of what you do together and/or very common, then it's a problem.

[femmelf]

I don't know. It might be a problem.

My life is not together at the moment, though I am really trying to make that happen....

What can I say? He listens to me and nobody else will very easily.

[kaijyuu]

You might want to find a couple more shoulders to lean on, then. Family or friends, perhaps?

Venting is healthy. Don't stop that. Just make sure you have proper outlets for it.

[nenjin]

From a guy who has had a girlfriend with these issues....

He's probably thinking "man, there's NOTHING I can do for her about this."

And that's kind of the rub. I think guys tend to be willing to listen to problems and offer suggestions as long as it's something fixable, when they can provide advice that moves the issue forward. When it's not something they can actually help fix, they're at a loss for what to say or do after a certain point. They can listen, sure, but listening to the same problem/problems repeatedly with no end in sight does tend to wear down someone's empathy. They can offer insight and advice, sure. But when they end up giving the same advice over and over again and it doesn't make you feel any better....

Try this. Instead of approaching it as a "problem" you've got to share with him, approach it as "telling him about your day." Days are full of worries, tedium and frustration. He'll relate to that.

Not phrasing your issue to him as a "problem" sends the signal that you've got a handle on your issue and you're using him for exactly what he should be used for: someone to talk to and relate to. If you feel your anxiety/worry mounting and your "talking about my day" is turning into a rant.....just stop right there. Remind yourself that you're not looking for help, you're just looking to share your day's experience. He may sense you're not really letting it all out.....and then get REALLY interested in what your real problem is. Or maybe he'll go "Hrm, ok, I guess she's got things under control" and the relationship between the two of you can get back to a more balanced footing.

This isn't to say you shouldn't go to him when you have a real problem. But when everything is something you need to talk to him about to try and feel better...it can be hard for him to distinguish between big problems and little problems of your's.

[Truean]

I wish I knew what to say. I've seen lots of friends go through something similar.

Maybe it might help a bit to try tell him that you're not upset with him for not having a solution, because it isn't his fault or something you expect him to fix. Your goals are probably different as far as what you expect. Like Nenjin said, the guy probably is trying to find a solution. You're trying to talk to someone about it to have a friend listen. This doesn't compute with most guys.

[kaijyuu]

I've seen both sides of the "sympathy vs advice" thing, and yeah, he's probably trying to figure out how to help.

Sometimes all I want is to be held and told "it's going to be okay." If you're like that too, just tell him so.