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[Trekkin]

Psychologists would ordinarily be a very good idea, but I've tried them for a very long time; from third to tenth grade I was continuously in therapy at the behest of my mother. Every last one of them threw up their hands at the absence of an easily treatable problem, at which point I was promptly hauled to the next one available while being admonished to "do better next time".

And yes, expecting to fail and then not caring is pitiful, but it also implies not caring about how pitiful I am. I guess I'm just dealing with all the lies I was fed from day one about effort making one's dreams come true/the ability of any given person to make a difference.

[Frajic]

Just take a break. I don't know what kind of break you need, or what you really want, but no matter what, you need a break. If nothing else, do it to collect your thoughts.

[fqllve]

Psychologists would ordinarily be a very good idea, but I've tried them for a very long time; from third to tenth grade I was continuously in therapy at the behest of my mother. Every last one of them threw up their hands at the absence of an easily treatable problem, at which point I was promptly hauled to the next one available while being admonished to "do better next time".

While the only time I've ever made a therapist throw their hands up was because of my complete refusal to be emotionally honest this doesn't surprise me. They are, after all, people so some of them are going to be dicks or idiots or what have you.

My best experiences with therapists are counselors who while studying for their degrees work for the therapists who are too busy to actually talk to you. They seem to be more full of a desire to help people than "well hey this is just a job, let's get this jerk out of here as quick as possible."

There are just people who aren't gonna be helped by therapy. It works better for people who are comfortable with self-disclosure obviously. I'm not one of those people so in the end I was helped more by reading and thinking.

And yes, expecting to fail and then not caring is pitiful, but it also implies not caring about how pitiful I am. I guess I'm just dealing with all the lies I was fed from day one about effort making one's dreams come true/the ability of any given person to make a difference.

Yeah, I think everyone reaches a point where they say "well this isn't really what I expected." You're kind of lost until you come to your own answers. And no matter whose advice you follow you're already on the way there.

[eerr]

Congradulations.

Secret unlocked: college raises the bar!

[Trekkin]

Congradulations.

Secret unlocked: college raises the bar!

This is perhaps the most insulting thing I've ever read. College doesn't simply raise the bar; it twists it, kinks it, and then hides it, to the point where no measurable standards actually matter in a way that's not expected to be subverted.

I'm locking this topic; I'm beyond help, clearly.