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Author Topic: Jobs  (Read 3924 times)

smigenboger

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Re: Jobs
« Reply #30 on: September 14, 2010, 07:11:00 pm »

I will gladly soak up interview advice like a sponge for now too.
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Grakelin

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Re: Jobs
« Reply #31 on: September 15, 2010, 01:20:35 am »

Eagleon: Go to more parties. It takes training, but the whole point of them essentially comes down to networking and making life great.

smigenboger: Bring a sponge to the interview and wash the dude.

But, no, you want serious advice. So here we go:

Remember that one time you had that friend who was depressed and came to you looking for help? You've probably had a number of friends like that, right? Always seems to be somebody out there who can't pull up their bootstraps and get themselves going. Try not to be like them. Look at life and take it all in to the fullest. You don't want to be left behind, and if you spend too much time moping, you will be. So look through your depressed friends for one who is an ethnic minority. Arabic is best, though people who are ethnically from Africa or the Indian Peninsula will work, and even a Russian or Asian will do if you can't find anybody better. Arm them with an assault weapon loaded with blanks and have them charge into the airport, guns blazing. Quickly, grab your interviewer's gun from his holster and - this is the important part - fire one shot into your friend's chest and another into his head. It is very important that your aim is accurate, so practice before hand. As soon as he hits the floor, run towards him and kick the gun away, and then make believe that you are chasing somebody, and run out into the street. Shoot through the window of a taxi, crawl inside, and just speed through the streets of your city, making sure to jackknife as many innocent vehicles as possible, and ensuring that your circuit brings you right back to the airport terminal. Smash through the front windows and land in a fountain, if possible. If you do this right, you will have found another person who is an ethnic minority by now, and will have started chasing their car through the streets. Once you crash this one, make sure you provide him with a new weapon before anybody notices. Then, get out and say "Sorry, boss, I think one of them got away".

This is only 90%, of course. It's 95% if you have a second depressing friend to chase through the streets, and 100% if you tell your interviewer that you have a vulnerable, yet rebellious, teenage daughter.
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I am have extensive knowledge of philosophy and a strong morality
Okay, so, today this girl I know-Lauren, just took a sudden dis-interest in talking to me. Is she just on her period or something?

Vector

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Re: Jobs
« Reply #32 on: September 15, 2010, 01:23:31 am »

Okay, I laughed more than I want to admit.  Thank you, Grakelin.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

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smigenboger

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Re: Jobs
« Reply #33 on: September 15, 2010, 12:14:27 pm »

Hmm, sound advice. Most of that was in the job description, though it is mostly using an electronic wand and looking at x-rays. I'll bring my black friend with me to the interview to demonstrate my minority-tackling racial profiling skills.
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Hyndis

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Re: Jobs
« Reply #34 on: September 15, 2010, 03:40:49 pm »

I went to a big box retail store. One of the major nation-wide chains. I told them I wanted to work overnight in the warehouse.

They hired me nearly on the spot.
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