@Retro - As a materials scientist-in-training, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the problem people have with the current system is material strength. Right now, all materials act with infinite compression, tensile, & shear strength - they still require support, so gravity is still in play, but it is impossible for them to collapse, shear, or simply even break(with the atom smasher exception).
If Toady adds material strength to the raws when/if the realistic system comes into play, than a solution for players who prefer the old system is simply to change them. So you could simply set the strength of all materials to be enormously large, which could come in the form of a simple mod. Or vanilla DF could have enormous material strength, and modded DF can have realistic material strength. I'm not sure which one is preferable.
Going on about realistic material strength, I think we have to realize that it can only come after multi-tiled creatures, since I remember Toady saying that with them comes the finite tile size. We could still have a new system and material strength, but it would be impossible to apply realistic values without knowing how much limestone is in that tile holding up the tower.
The addition of an architecture view, as several people have talked about, should allow most players to get into the statics without a formal education. We just need enough mods to see in 3d, as well as maybe a side view within DF itself. I personally prefer the color options over the numerical one.
Something Toady might add on to make it easier for new players might be preplanned support structures - I.E. flying buttresses, arches, columns, etc... already designed that simply have to be placed and built. This would give players unfamiliar with architecture methods to still be able to support their constructions. Toady could even follow the 1400's(1500's? I forgot) rule.