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[Jackrabbit]

Let's see, obviously the guy was fleeing out of his house because he was on fire. Almost as if he had caught the chair on fire with his body.

Fact 2: There were ashes on the chair. It seems reasonable to believe that those ashes were from his body, since similar ashes were found on his clothes. The ashes contained nicotine, which is unsurprising since the man had nicotine in his body at the time.

Fact 3: The fire department didn't arrive very quickly. Is it possible they were busy putting out the fleeing homeowner?

Fact 4: They might have been in on the conspiracy.

Fact 5: It's already been conclusively proven (you should totally look it up yourself and if you can't find anything it's because you suck) that aliens manufacture tobacco because people can't be bothered anymore.

CONCLUSION: The man CLEARLY spontaneously caught fire after being crucified upside down and MIND CONTROLLED by ALIENS WORKING FOR THE CIA AND THE FBI to prevent a TAKEOVER from MALTESE EXPATRIATES who are DESCENDED FROM KNIGHTS OF SAINT JOHN.

[Virex]

Wait what, shouldn't there be like an automatic, smoke detecting fire-alarm to warn people in all apartments by now?

[eerr]

no no, his apartment owner doesn't buy into that sorta thing.

lack of prevention is clearly a good money-saver.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Yep just make sure everyone has a big cooking pot to throw water around with.

So on the armchair ashtray subject.

My parents have a house that they rent to an old friend. This friend is divorced and has three kids. One grew up and moved out, and then failed and moved back in. Now these kids are hard on the place. Holes in the walls, holes in the doors. Standing on the toilet, compressing the wax seal so it rocks all the time. Standing on the bathroom sink and shattering it. Etc.

So the mom decided to buy new living room couch because the kids were starting to move away. Well, not new but you understand. The old couch was just filthy. Anyway, newer clean couch.

Oldest returns home after failing to live alone. Suddenly the new couch is getting all filthy again. The arms of the couch are just black with oils. WTF, right?

The mom walks into the living room one day to find the oldest sitting on the couch watching TV, eating some chips, wiping her greasy hands on the arms of the couch. Absentmindedly. Horrified expression ensues.

[smigenboger]

Good Lord, doesn't she know of fabric shampoo? Or paper towels?

[jocan2003]

no no, his apartment owner doesn't buy into that sorta thing.

lack of prevention is clearly a good money-saver.

Yeah he is the same breed as the CEO of that mexico gulf company, let just hope it doesnt burn.... this fire would not stop with a water pot...

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Good Lord, doesn't she know of fabric shampoo? Or paper towels?

This was despite frequent cleaning of the couch. It was a mystery of their home until that day.

Or do you mean the girl doing the couch-arm-hand-wiping? Because yeah, she wasn't apparently big on cleaning properly.