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[WillowLuman]

Tell her parents. She'll hate you for it, but what do you value more: your friendship, or your friend?

Bad advice.

Agreed. They might be the reason she's doing it.

[smeeprocket]

I used to cut. My arms are a network of scars and burns from cigarettes.

I did seek counseling, well, I already was for a suicide attempt. The thing about cutting is it is a compulsion and is along the lines of anorexia nervosa and bulimia, as well as obsessive compulsive disorder.

There's not a lot you can do other than be empathic and there for her emotionally. For me, there was no actual issue other than mental illness, so it may not be as drastic as molestation (though that is certainly possible)

The thing about telling her parents is, besides the possibility that they are the cause, unless they are empathic themselves, they may just make it worse. My parents definitely made my problems worse.

It's best if you don't direct her to anything like a cutting forum to talk about it, because that can actually trigger more cutting. I was on a depression forum and the cutting section was locked and you had to request entry because talking about cutting with other people, especially other cutters, can cause you to cut yourself more.

It is a coping mechanism, a way to handle internal pain by externalizing it.

It's possible that she could cut herself deep enough to have to go to the hospital, but I don't think most cutters go that far. For me, the real problem is the humiliation of having all these scars years later. They were deep and don't go away, and I know anyone looking at me must think that I am very "not right." But that's not something you can bring up that will help.

Ultimately, if she doesn't want to seek counseling, you can encourage it, but can't really force it.

[nuget102]

Give them the address to this site: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/ It's a site I use a lot when I get upset and feel the urge to self-harm. Although there is no replacement for a good friend in person, so be sure to let them know you're there for them. But don't tell anyone, it'll make them feel they can't trust you and what you need is for them to trust you. Let them know you're there for them, and help them keep it hidden from other people if it means earning their trust. All it takes is for them to have one persons trust for that person to begin to help them.. But most importantly: NEVER underestimate the amount of work it takes to deal with someone who self harms, of any kind. Try to help your friend.

[Caz]

Give them the address to this site: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/ It's a site I use a lot when I get upset and feel the urge to self-harm. Although there is no replacement for a good friend in person, so be sure to let them know you're there for them. But don't tell anyone, it'll make them feel they can't trust you and what you need is for them to trust you. Let them know you're there for them, and help them keep it hidden from other people if it means earning their trust. All it takes is for them to have one persons trust for that person to begin to help them.. But most importantly: NEVER underestimate the amount of work it takes to deal with someone who self harms, of any kind. Try to help your friend.

Yeah, there are definitely some good people there.

[DragonDePlatino]

I've never had experience with stuff like this, but I would just...hang out with her. I wouldn't mention the cutting or self-abuse. I'd just spend time with her to remind her every day that there are other people that care about her. Letting someone be alone and dwell on their own thoughts won't do any good.

A change of setting might do her good, too. Something fun like a mall outing or a scenic drive.

[SirQuiamus]

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[malimbar04]

Whenever it comes to depressed or anxious people, it can become really hard to deal with.

First, and a lot of people forget this, is that it's not on you to solve their problems. One person trying to take on all the problems of another often person drags both down until both are anxious and depressed. That being said, there are still some things you can do to help them.

The best people to deal with the problem are also unfortunately authority figures that have all sorts of limitations. Psychiatrists are best, followed by maybe school counsellors, teachers (who have to report it, and can move it along the right channels), parents, etc.

If you can't do that, or if you want to help on top of that, there are still good friend things you can do. That's your roll in this - good friend. Invite them out more, specifically to do things that build your social life. Camping is particularly great - you get bits of natural exercise, sunshine, bright colors, cool breezes, etc. Going to the park is great for the same reasons. Joining a club with them is wonderful. Some people choose religious ones (I don't, they're too preachy and stupid for me), but others simply do things like chess club, sports, really anything that's social after school.

You could also teach them some good techniques for stress management. Meditation, listening to music, taking a deep breath, writing, etc. That's if they're looking for ways to relax of course.

[Devin]

There's a speech I give to everyone I know who hurts themselves.

It's OK.

Self-harm releases powerful chemicals like endorphins as the body responds to the injury.  This cocktail has antidepressant effects, much like antidepressant drugs do.  People feel the urge to do it because their brain chemistry isn't right and the self harm is a way to get it closer to right, if only for a while.

As of my most recent knowledge about the subject area, there isn't a major link between self harm and suicide, which is something people tend to immediately leap to.  No more link than there is for anyone who's depressed, anyway, and suicide is actually fairly rare among the depressed.  Most people who commit suicide are depressed, but most depressed people do not commit suicide, if that makes sense.

Compared to antidepressants, self harm isn't really ideal as a medicine.  It's short lived and most people do it by cutting the skin which exposes you to the risk of infection and causes scars that will be around for many years.  There are many, many antidepressant drug options out there.  So many that people that stick with it and keep trying them nearly always find one that works well for them.  Unfortunately most people give up after only trying one or two if those don't work for them or have unpleasant side effects they'd rather not have.  They're not all the same, though.

So yes, your friend is depressed and trying to treat their own depression the only way they know how.  And that's OK.  Proper medical treatment would be better, though.  Once things start to help then they won't feel the urge to hurt themselves, because they won't need to. 

 

[Vector]

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[flame99]

Thank you all for the help. The friend in question stopped cutting themselves some time ago (I'd forgotten to make an update here), and what's more I've moved, and we're no longer in regular contact regardless. However, the advice here has been massively helpful.